Link Love (2013-04-09)

Thought-provoking

“Shame diminishes our capacity for empathy.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
You can’t depend on empathetic connection to make a campaign effective, then crush the needed empathy with shame.” Public Shaming is a Better Example of “If it feels good – do it” than Teen Pregnancy – Brené Brown

“The experiment: Ask an unscripted question of at least one total stranger every day, and evaluate how the process makes me feel from an emotional, mood, and stress perspective.” The Great Social Experiment – Whole9

“Meditation brings many benefits: It refreshes us, helps us settle into what’s happening now, makes us wiser and gentler, helps us cope in a world that overloads us with information and communication, and more. But if you’re still looking for a business case to justify spending time meditating, try this one: Meditation makes you more productive.” If You’re Too Busy to Meditate, Read This – LifeHacker

Allow yourself to experience the messy. Things will always come up, life gets messy, painful things happen. That’s OK. Give yourself the space to experience the pain with the joy, the mess with the beauty.” How to Stick to a Habit When Life Falls Apart – Zen Habits

Religion

“After many years of being treated like an inferior human by my father simply because I am a woman, I decided to search deep into my religion to find the answers. And lo and behold, everywhere I looked it seemed that my religion did indeed treat women as inferior citizens. I have been oppressed in the name of religion for as long as I can remember; oppressed because I am a woman and because I am my father’s child, both things give him the right to rule over me.” An Ex-Muslim in the Closet: How Am I Ever Going to Break Free? – Organica

“And there you have it. Become a feminist and you’ll want to kill yourself. Become a complementarian and adhere to gender essentialism and you’ll be happy.
This isn’t logic. This isn’t even really an argument. It’s a threat.” Focus on the Family: “True strength… submits” – Love, Joy, Feminism

Equality

“I have never met a woman, or man, who has stated, ‘Yes, I have it all.’ Because no matter what any of us has – and how grateful we are for what we have – no-one has it all. No-one can do it all either. Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. We must let go of unattainable standards. We are all forced to choose between work and family, exercising and relaxing, making time for others and taking time for ourselves. Choose what’s most important to you and your family and focus on that. Instead of striving for ‘perfection,’ we should aim for lives that are sustainable and fulfilling.” Sheryl Sandberg The Superwoman’s Guide to Work – Stylist Magazine

“The pictures from Steubenville don’t just show a girl being raped. They show that rape being condoned, encouraged, celebrated. What type of culture could possibly produce such pictures?” Steubenville: this is rape culture’s Abu Ghraib moment – New Statesman

“What is essentially being said by these media sources is that these poor boys’ lives are somehow more valuable or important than that of the young woman they raped because they’re “good students” and football players. What is being said is that, even though they’ve been convicted of a heinous crime, their loss is somehow more tangible. And this tone, this victim-blaming, rape apologia, is exactly why crimes like this happen. The media didn’t seem quite as concerned about what a good student the victim was, that she has people who care about her, and that her life and future are impacted by this.” Steubenville Media Coverage is a Case Study in Rape Culture – Gender Focus

“Women who don’t use phrases like, “You wouldn’t understand — you’re not a mom,” because they know my lack of child does not make me ignorant to the fact that it must be beyond stressful to stay up all night, to constantly worry if you’re doing things right, or to miss an opportunity to schmooze with your boss because you have to take a sick kid to the doctor instead. They don’t say those things because they know they worried about that before they had kids. They knew it would be hard.” Katie Gard: Why Staying Childless is NOT the Path of Least Resistance – Huffington Post

“When the f*** was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment?  And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships?  How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery  for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.” “That Just Means He Likes You” – Love, Joy, Feminism

“Why does this matter? When we think about women and men as entirely different species, as “others” that we need to learn to understand and interpret, we create the kind of divisions that let us do really, really bad things. Every incidence of human-created tragedy, like the Holocaust or slavery, is borne out of our ability to convince ourselves that these other people are fundamentally different—read: less human—than we are. They are less deserving of respect, of kindness, of equality, of justice.
When I see and hear men othering women (and women othering men) with language about “trying to speak their language” or “figure out what they want,” this is what I’m afraid of. We are creating space for tragedy and violence.” Hey, Guys: Women Are Not a Different Species – Role / Reboot

Beauty & Body Image

“There have been plenty of people who have complimented me who seem to think they have ownership over how I look—as if paying me the compliment has bought them something in return. They are usually those who take first dibs on criticizing me if I don’t measure up.” Breaking Apart the Beauty Myth – Elephant Journal

Aging Gracefully in a World of Anti-Aging – Adios Barbie

“Don’t get me wrong. Nothing is ever going to be as good as going into a store, trying on a bra, getting someone else’s opinion and walking out with the perfect set. But till we can all afford to do that, we’ve got to do the next best thing. At the moment, it appears that’s databasing.” Vowels Are Crunchy – K-Line

“The inherent problem within the body loving mentality is that if you don’t “love your body” (or attempt to make strides toward doing so), then there’s something wrong with you. It inadvertently creates another standard that women are held against, and doesn’t actually solve any of the underlying problems in regards to women, sexism and beauty work. If I call myself ugly (which is my attempt to step away from beauty work) then people think I have self-esteem problems, or experiencing some other form of deep suffering. Women often make it a requirement that you like your body, or else you’ll never know any kind of sustainable happiness.” You Don’t Have to Love Your Body – Driven by Tatiana

How to Take a Compliment – Weightless

Inspirational

“Give yourself the love & care & tenderness you need to continue on in your journey. Do it unapologetically, & feel proud of yourself for simultaneously balancing one of the trickiest feats of being human, that of healthy selfishness.” When Self-Love Hurts the Ones You Love – Sex, Love, Liberation

“That’s because viewing life as a competition, where you have to constantly be better at whatever — how you look, how you parent, how you write, whatever — doesn’t feel very good.
In essence, comparing yourself to others is always a losing game.” Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (and How to Do It) – Everyday Feminism

“We all wear so many masks. We wear them to fit a role: mother, sister, wife, good worker. We wear them to protect us in social situations: good girl, bad girl, tough girl, sweet girl.
For so many of us we hide ourselves because we’re afraid that the truth of who we are will not be acceptable. That if others, even those who we trust with our love, were to see who we really are they would turn from us, that we will be seen not as angels but as monsters.” Are You Hiding Yourself in Fear of Being Fully Seen? – Tiny Buddha

“I said, “Let me teach you something I learned that I really want you to know. I have to give every person I love – including you – permission to break my heart.”” Permission to Break My Heart – Owning Pink

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