Link Love (2013-04-23)

Thought-provoking

“Confession: I’m a crier.
Actually, that’s not really a confession. If you know me in real life, you know that my eyes have released so much water that I could have probably revitalized a few dry riverbeds by now. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a deeply sensitive and intuitive person, but the truth is: I just have loose tear ducts.
OK, so that’s just a joke to fill in the awkward spaces left by a vulnerability I’m having trouble sharing as I write this. I’m struggling to not defend myself—to not write that I don’t cry as much as I used to or that there’s nothing wrong with using tears as a mechanism to release my emotions. Even though my intellectual side knows there’s no shame in crying, my inner critic is screaming at me right now, yelling “tears are for the weak” over and over again.” Crying Is Not a Sign of Weakness – Role / Reboot

“Sometimes it takes a three year old to show you that you’re not as sexually liberated as you’d like to think you are.” What’s the most confronting question your child will ever ask – Daily Life

“”Manage your energy, not your time.” This is the quote that made Tony Schwartz famous. And it’s one that I believe best represents a truly efficient lifestyle in the 21st century. Yet, living “manage your energy, not your time” is incredibly hard, at least for me. It probably took me around a year to fully grasp its meaning. Since then, I’ve turned my life upside down and changed my routine dramatically.” The Four Elements of Physical Energy and How to Master Them – LifeHacker

“Your options are virtually unlimited. And you, you alone are responsible for limiting your options. You are.” Pick One – First Today, Then Tomorrow

“Negative talk has a place – in acknowledging hurt and wrong, in figuring out that a situation is bad for you, in figuring out what steps to take next. It’s toxic when it gets all over other people the way you describe in your letter, and also when it becomes what you do instead of taking action. If it’s robbing you of momentum and sapping your energy, it’s crossed the line into unhelpful. This is stuff to work on when you actually do find a therapist, but a good habit when you’re in “complain/criticize” mode is to try to figure out what parts of what is upsetting you is inside your control and what is outside your control.” #463: Help me stop being mean – Captain Awkward

Religion

“In the end, I honestly don’t think evangelicals can come to accept marriage equality until they deal with their antifeminism problem. After all, until they can make peace with feminism their belief that women are wired to change diapers while men are wired to leave for work will keep them arguing that gays and lesbians should not be allowed to marry because children need a mother and a father.” A Mommy and a Daddy: Evangelicals, Antifeminism and Marriage Equality – Love, Joy, Feminism

Equality

17-Yr-Old Girl Kills Self After Rape Photo Goes Viral – Care2

“Rape Jokes Are Just Not Funny. They’re Traumatizing.
Here is what I want to say to people who make jokes about rape, who compare capitalism to rape, who compare a tough exam to a sexual assault, who think that rape is a way to jokingly compliment someone.
Every time those words leave your mouth, a person in your company wonders if they can trust you.”  The Trouble With Rape Jokes and 3 Tips for Surviving Them – Everyday Feminism

“This bullshit dress code does just the opposite: it teaches boys that there are certain circumstances under which they don’t have to respect their classmates’ bodies and boundaries. And it teaches them that if god forbid they violate those boundaries, they won’t be held fully responsible: it’ll be her fault for wearing yoga pants, or a  belly shirt, or for drinking too much, or for walking alone, or for insert violation here. Finally, it teaches them that you just don’t expect that much of them. You don’t expect them to be able to control themselves, to treat their girl friends like human beings, to ignore “distractions” and focus on learning.” This is how you teach rape culture to 12-year-old – Feministing

“Men, I sense your distress, I feel for you, and I’m here to help. Don’t even worry your pretty little heads about this thoughtcrime shit anymore—here are “the rules” for when and how you may compliment women. Laminate it, study it, be it.” You Can’t Tell the Attorney General She Has an Epic Butt, Here’s What You CAN Do – Jezebel

“An investigation confirms that Savita Halappanavar, the Irish woman who died last year after being denied an abortion after an incomplete miscarriage, lost her life because her doctors prioritized her unviable fetus over her own health.” Report confirms that Savita Halappanavar didn’t need to die – Feministing

Beauty & Body Image

“What we can also do is be open about our struggles.  Silence forces us to shoulder the burden of shame alone, and it also contributes to the idea that we are somehow unique in our suffering, that no one else around us would understand, that we alone are flawed in this particular way.  The reality is that almost all of us have hearts that serve as battlegrounds, and that most of us are fairly good at hiding that fact.  But we don’t have to fight these battles alone.  We can take our weaknesses and turn them into strengths, into empathy and compassion and understanding.  In the end, these are the things that make us good feminists – and really, good people – not adherence to some imaginary standard of perfection that no one ever attains anyway.” A good body image is not required to be a good feminist – Fit and Feminist

“At the same time, though, Dove is cementing a whole slew of beauty standards even as it pumps up self-esteem. Sure, maybe we’re prettier than we think, but the metric hasn’t changed. In part I’m talking about the obvious, physical scale of feminine beauty. For one heavy-handed example: one of the women central to the film thinks she has a large jaw; her new friend, however, says “she was thin so you could see her cheekbones, and her jaw was a nice thin jaw.” This version of the message–that you’re thinner than you think you are–reinforces the assumption that thinness is valuable. The take-away might be immediately gratifying. But by accepting the worship of slenderness within a supposed challenge to mainstream standards, the video entrenches fat-shaming further.” “Dove Real Beauty,” self-esteem, and One Direction

“Girls and women are able to talk about body image concerns in louder voices, in more public spaces, and guys are often just not supposed to care, so they keep quiet. Girls and women are actually not supposed to care, too, but when we do, it seems to be more forgivable. But boys and men are also struggling with the way beauty works in our world. Especially, I’ve noticed, with the way fat is demonized. But also with the other specific requirements of physical attractiveness that so many of us learn to believe in as fiercely and automatically as we believe in God or scientific fact. In the Captain America story, we fairly cheer when the slender, delicate hero is transformed into a strapping, muscle-bound fighting machine. He can save the world now, because he’s jacked. Before, there was no chance. He had to switch bodies to succeed.” Guys deal with body image issues, too – Eat the Damn Cake

Britt Julious wishes for a future when black women’s hair care decisions are not up for public discussion – WBEZ

Inspirational

“We always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions we make about others.” Comparison – It’s a Losing Game – Slow Your Home

10 Essential Emotion Regulation Skills for Adults – Psychology Today

When caring for yourself turns into distracting or numbing or avoiding, it’s time to pause.  It’s time to check in with yourself — what are you really craving in those moments?” Self Care vs Self Comfort: What do you really need? – Stratejoy

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