Link Love (2014-06-21)
Too Busy? 7 Ways to Increase Leisure Time, According to Science – Barking Up the Wrong Tree
“In fact, the attractiveness of physical looks changes rather drastically over time. While being stunningly good looking helps with initial impressions, its value levels off very quickly and becomes much less important over the long term while other factors increase dramatically. While good looks certainly help, science has found that desirability and building attraction is about more than appearance.” Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality? – Dr NerdLove
How to Be More Assertive for Better Communication LifeHacker
“We’re so afraid of being bad at something, and so ashamed at sharing something that we suck at, that we oftentimes pick the easier path…avoiding it!” Do Something You Suck At – NerdFitness
25 Things You Can Learn in 10 Minutes – Business Insider
“Being a friend doesn’t mean being an on-demand counselor or attention dispenser. The thing where, if you don’t text him back right away, he asks if you are mad is BULLSHIT. And turning someone down as a romantic partner doesn’t mean that you owe them guilt dues for as long as they feel entitled to it. Also, just because you tolerated something before doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it forever.” #587: Renegotiating a friendship with Velcro Victor – Captain Awkward
“More than 2000 Irish children in religious run homes were subjected to drugs trials in the 1930s according to a shocking new report.
As the Tuam burial ground scandal erupts, it has now emerged that Catholic Church run homes and state institutions let the children of unmarried mothers be used in medical experiments.” Religious orders allowed over 2,000 Irish children to be used in medical experiments – Irish Central
If you don’t approve of the church then don’t take in it’s rituals – Irish Times
“Bringing this example home, men in the freethought movement have a decision to make. They (we) can rail against the hypocrisy of claiming to be anti-sexist whilst engaging in sex-based prejudicial behaviour, or we can recognize that if we want to be accommodating to women we have to make some adjustments to how we behave. It comes back to the central question: do we want women to be more comfortable? If not, then we should say so explicitly – “we don’t care about your comfort, toots! Nut up or shut up!” On the other hand, if we do care, then we can’t simply maintain the status quo of behaviour and berate women for being afraid of rape. That doesn’t solve any problems.” Shuffling feet: a black man’s view on Schroedinger’s Rapist – The Crommunist Manifesto
“What makes this especially twisted is the way we internalize the pressure to fuck, to not be a virgin. When we fail to follow the narrative we get angry, lashing out at others and haranguing ourselves in turns. We blame others for somehow depriving us of sex, as though it were something we were owed. We blame ourselves for whatever flaws make us perceive ourselves as unfuckable. We come up with increasingly baroque reasons why we have been uniquely disadvantaged – we’re too “beta”, for example, for the notoriously “hypergamous” women. The PUAHate forums that Elliot Rodger frequented take this to an almost fascinating extreme, comparing brow ridges and jaw angles and eye space in some sort of unified theory of sexual phrenology.
Because when we fail to follow the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative, the fault lies with us and not the story.” The “Problem” with Male Virginity – Dr NerdLove
“I won’t keep you waiting, the answer is, yes, it’s Elliot Rodger as well as the pervasive misogyny that our culture not just accepts as permissible, but encourages and rewards. Blood is on the hands of everyone who didn’t push back when Elliot said something that was gross, who didn’t take him seriously when he talked about “revolutions” and “giving in to hatred” and a “reckoning”. It’s every authority figure everywhere that dismisses concerns coming from women that they are being threatened, or express a feeling of danger.” Who is really to blame for Elliot Rodger’s mass murder – Queereka
“Here’s the thing. A woman normally possesses a certain sense of caution related specifically to things that mainly happen to women, which does cause stress. A man should respect that and act accordingly, by doing certain things and not doing certain things. Every single person I’ve spoken to about Rebeccapocalypse has had a view of this roughly in the same range: Rebecca displayed normative behavior in being put off by Elevator Guy and it was up to her to decide to speak about it, and generally a good thing to do so. People do disagree on the modus operendus of speaking out, but not dramatically. Everyone understands that a woman should have a certain sense of caution … as should a man but in different ways, for different things, to different degrees … and that a man should respect this and act accordingly. By doing certain things and not doing certain things.” Guys crossing the street, rabid dogs, and elevators – Greg Laden Blog
“Outside of the context of feminism, think like a comedy writer. If someone’s humor or sensibility offends you more than it makes you feel genuinely uplifted, don’t waste your time on them.” 4 Reasons Why Men Joke About Gay Rape – Everyday Feminism
“I love men.
I love women.
I celebrate the ways we are different (but equal), I rejoice in the ways we are the same. I don’t think either gender should rule over the other, not because it seems inherently unfair (although it is). When we tag either gender as ‘lesser’ we close ourselves off to an alternative perspective that could round out our sense of the world, and of ourselves.
Diversity is necessary for creativity. The human species cannot afford to refuse fresh creative insights pointing the way to new solutions.
It’s not about wanting men to act “like women” or turning women into imitation men. It’s not about wanting the genders to be the same (as if the only thing that keeps us from being clones of each other is that single X or Y chromosome).
It’s about our right, as human beings, to explore and express the full range of who we are. It’s about our right to strive towards wholeness; to allow the soul what it needs to heal itself, as individuals and society as a whole. It’s about our right to speak and be heard, to connect, to see ourselves in each other and each other in ourselves.
To know who we are.
To remember who we are.
To love and be loved.
Because that seems like something worth fighting for.” love. fear. sex. ( + the power of radical listening) – Justine Musk
Beauty & Body Image
Knitting History 101 – Knitty
“Put aside the fact that models are human beings too, and are often told to their faces that they aren’t thin enough to get work, dehumanized, disrespected, and sometimes just plain abused. Put aside the fact that designers and mags claim they’re creating an aspirational fantasy from these luxury goods, ignoring the fact that the women shown wearing these clothes become part of that fantasy for many viewers. Put aside the fact that every designer who has taken the tiniest baby step toward model diversity of any kind has been buried under an avalanche of praise, only to return to the stable of tall, thin, predominantly white girls in the next season. PUT ALL OF THAT ASIDE, and you still have this:
Clothing is meant to be worn by humans. If you design items that only look amazing when no one is wearing them, why call them clothing? Why send them down the runway on living, breathing bodies when you could just hang them up on the wall and let people ogle them? It would be so much cheaper,” Models as Walking Clothes Hangers – Already Pretty
“The bottom line for me is that my body is amazing, it does so many things for me and I believe that my body deserves nothing less than my full-throated support – whether it’s asking for an armless chair so that my butt can be comfortable, demanding good evidence-based healthcare, or standing up to societal stigma and bullying. To me a big part of loving my body is making sure that I give my body the treatment it deserves.” I Want to Love My Body, But How? – Dances with Fat
“On the sidelines is where my personality flourished. Where my love of words grew, where I learned to make people laugh, and where I found some of the friends I hold dearest—friends who didn’t care that I was fat. The sidelines were where I learned to like who I was, something that wouldn’t have been possible if I’d stayed so focused on what I looked like.” Fat and Happy – and Loved – The Beheld
“While there is definitely something to be said for consciously consuming things, using everything down to the very last drop and licking the proverbial plate clean, let us also remember that our bodies are not garbage cans.” My Body Is Not a Garbage Can – yes and yes
“Ultimately, though, all committed relationships contain a seed, no matter how small it may seem, of meaningful love and affection. Even if the approach of zero negativity leads to, essentially, a vow of silence, eventually the mantle of fear will dissipate and both parties will find the warmth toward each other that they once had. They will find things to say that are neutral and eventually positive. As the activated fear in the lizard brain diminishes, both people will begin to feel safe with one another, which is the primary and most important foundation of a healthy relationship.” Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.: Zero Negativity – Huffington Post
“There was a big piece of me that didn’t believe I was good enough. That constantly wanted more. That strived for perfection. I developed a need for control to avoid these painful thoughts and feelings. It distracted me from the pursuit of perfection and my unrelenting standards.” Letting go of Control and Being Present with Uncertainty – Tiny Buddha
Does Gluten Have Any Effect on Non-Celiacs? – Mark’s Daily Apple
Why Stress Triggers Depression In Some People, Resilience In Others – Forbes
Is Fibromyalgia Caused By SIBO and Leaky Gut? – Chris Kresser
In case you missed the memo: Fat is healthy! – Thank Your Body
Orange Mint Salmon – Paleo Fondue
Sweet & Tangy Mediterranean Slaw – The Freckled Foodie
AIP Beef Chili – Cake Cooks Gluten-Free
Slow Cooker Pulled Pork – Gutsy By Nature
Grilled Sweetbreads with Balsamic Glaze – Phoenix Helix
Head Cheese with Rosemary & Carrots – Adventures in Cooking
Mason Jar Salads – food and other stuff
Crock Pot Beef Heart with Cauli Mash and Paleo Gravy – Paleo in Comparison
Easy Crock Pot Shredded Beef – The Freckled Foodie
Raspberry Blackberry Coconut Parfait – Cook Eat Paleo