“And part of that status quo is patriarchy: the notion that women will continue to be second-class citizens, subject to men’s understanding of what they should be able to do, touch, and grab when it comes to their bodies — and legislate and punish when it comes to their actions. I’m not suggesting these women have some sort of false consciousness — that they think they’re empowered, and actually aren’t — I’m stating that they fundamentally think disempowerment is okay, so long as they maintain their other (white, straight) sources of privilege. Tavi Gevinson starkly referredto this swath of voters as “white women who hate people of color more than they like having rights to their own bodies.” Many women fail to recognize Trump’s explicit stances and policies towards people of color and Muslims as “hate,” but I know no more appropriate word for what Trump voters have signaled in terms of how non-white, non-Christian, non-straight people should be treated.” This Is How Much America Hates Women – BuzzFeed
“More than anything, Trump promises a restoration of white authority. After eight years of a black president—after eight years in which cosmopolitan America asserted its power and its influence, eight years in which women leaned in and blacks declared that their lives mattered—millions of white Americans said enough. They had their fill of this world and wanted the old one back. And although it’s tempting to treat this as a function of some colorblind anti-elitism, that cannot explain the unity of white voters in this election. Trump didn’t just win working-class whites—he won the college-educated and the affluent. He even won young whites. Seventeen months after he announced his candidacy, millions of white Americans flocked to the ballot box to put Trump into the White House. And they did so as a white herrenvolk, racialized and radicalized by Trump.” White Won – Slate
“DDT was sprayed throughout neighborhoods and over pools and beaches. Children sometimes ran behind the trucks, frolicking in the clouds of spray. But soon, the problems became evident, as DDT took its toll on the natural wildlife and the birds began to die. Every time I hear a songbird near my home, I am grateful that our government took notice and acted to protect these populations.” Why We Need the EPA – Love, Joy, Feminism
“The other day, after resetting my online banking password, I received a message in all caps: “CONGRATULATIONS!” I like to imagine the ripple of applause spreading from desk to desk as news of my triumph arrived at the bank’s headquarters. Meanwhile, Facebook has started sporadically thanking me “for being here”, as if I were Mark Zuckerberg’s most dependable friend. This is the “new intimacy economy”, according to tech journalist Leigh Alexander, who wrote about it recently at Medium. Despite Facebook’s many annoyances, she said, “All this time it never occurred to me to delete my account, until it began doing this: trying to act like a person.” In Britain, we’re already familiar with “wackaging”, that infuriatingly chummy tone adopted on product labels. But the New Intimacy, Alexander predicts, is going to intensify. As other tricks for grabbing people’s attention on the internet falter, these pseudo-human appeals to our emotions may prove Silicon Valley’s last hope.” The truth about corporate lies – The Guardian
“While racism disproportionately affects people of color, the disease rampantly impacts the affective psychological health of White people. Lack of empathy for the experiences of others, and feelings of guilt and fear, plague White people when considering racism. Dissonant feelings about the “unjust, hierarchical system of societal racism” can produce a wide range of defensive reactions. These reactions interrupt productive dialogue that could lead to change because those with privileged identities and in powerful positions respond defensively as they explore the realities of racism. The fear and the entitlement disrupt their ability to listen responsively and interfere with their willingness to share power.” Treating Racism Like We Treat Cancer – On Being
“Everything is problematic, including this post. As a white, straight, able-bodied, cisgenderwoman, I have huge blind spots, and I am privileged. And I am part of the problem. Privilege can mean a lot of things, among them that you see people like you represented in media of all sorts – and that you’re given more opportunities than others, based not on merit but on your identity. It’s part of my privilege that I’m even writing this article. Every day, as a child and now, I have been able to see myself reflected on TV and in movies and books. Even when I’ve seen white women portrayed as lesser than men, I’ve still seen them. I don’t know what it’s like to look at Star Wars or Harry Potter and not see a single person who reflects my life. Even though I often worry that no matter what I’m doing, I’ll fail, I want to be part of the solution. So what I’m doing is this: I’m trying to be aware of my privilege, I’m trying to be a better ally, and I’m trying to raise my kids to be better people. And a lot of that starts with how I appreciate, discuss, curate, and learn from my fandoms.” Everything I Love Is Problematic – The Mary Sue
“For instance, even though women are more likely to suffer from chronic pain disorders, women are less likely to be prescribed pain medication for their ailments. In fact, studies have found that doctors in a pain clinic were more inclined to prescribe men opioid pain medications while giving women tranquilizers. That is, doctors give men medication to relieve their pain whereas they give women medication to shut them up. Even when an organic cause for a woman’s pain has been identified, doctors are still apt to attribute women’s pain to psychological problems and prescribe her antidepressants instead of pain relievers. Even in children who’ve had surgery, doctors will give boys strong pain relief while giving girls Tylenol. Medical sexism extends to essentially every area of medical practice. Women are less likely to be diagnosed as having a heart attack, even when presenting with identical symptoms as men. Doctors are twice as likely to attribute a woman’s “textbook” symptoms of heart attack to anxiety and are seven times more likely to send a woman home from the ER during a cardiac event. Women are 22 times less likely to be referred for a knee replacement, with identical moderate symptoms. Women are less likely to be put on a kidney transplant list. Even young girls are less likely to be put on transplant lists, so the disparate treatment starts essentially at birth.” Women: Often “Miss Treated” by Doctors – Counting My Spoons
“But at the time people don’t realize they’re embarking on a route that will lead to a destruction period. They think they’re right, they’re cheered on by jeering angry mobs, their critics are mocked. This cycle, the one we saw for example from the Treaty of Versaille, to the rise of Hitler, to the Second World War, appears to be happening again. But as with before, most people cannot see it because:
1. They are only looking at the present, not the past or future
2. They are only looking immediately around them, not at how events connect globally
“And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won last night—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons. Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life (or are the reason for their way of life) have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere. Hate was given hope. Abject dumbness was glamorized as being “the fresh voice of an outsider” who’s going to “shake things up.” (Did anyone bother to ask how? Is he going to re-arrange the chairs in the Roosevelt Room?) For the next four years, the President of the United States, the same office held by Washington and Jefferson, Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, F.D.R., J.F.K. and Barack Obama, will be held by a man-boy who’ll spend his hours exacting Twitter vengeance against all who criticize him (and those numbers will be legion). We’ve embarrassed ourselves in front of our children and the world.” After Donald Trump Was Elected President , Aaron Sorkin Wrote This Letter to His Daughter – Vanity Fair
“But Trump is anything but a regular politician and this has been anything but a regular election. Trump will be only the fourth candidate in history and the second in more than a century to win the presidency after losing the popular vote. He is also probably the first candidate in history to win the presidency despite having been shown repeatedly by the national media to be a chronic liar, sexual predator, serial tax-avoider, and race-baiter who has attracted the likes of the Ku Klux Klan. Most important, Trump is the first candidate in memory who ran not for president but for autocrat—and won.” Autocracy: Rules for Survival by Masha Gessen – The New York Review of Books
“And no, I’m not. Violence, assault, intimidation: Yes, of course those happen to women in public spaces, all the time, every day. Anti-harassment campaigns like Hollaback are correct in focusing their efforts on these aspects of street harassment; they’re a more concrete threat than mere annoyance. But fear of violence is not why I seize up when I sense that the man walking toward me is about to say something. In fact, that seizing isn’t usually about fear at all, but about weariness. Weariness about the fact that even if—let’s hand out the benefit of the doubt here—men who say things to me, and to you, really do just like the color of our scarves, there’s still a presumption that we want to know about it. And I do want to know, sure, and I delight in hearing a compliment from a female stranger on the street, or from a friend of any sex. But the compliment as undercover catcall—even if it is offered in genuine kindness—shows a presumption that men and women share the streets in the same way, when we don’t. A well-meaning man might issue this kind of utterance as a genuine attempt at friendliness (“Do they think they’re our girlfriends?”) but it reveals that he has no idea that I’ve heard those words before, or words like them, and that they’ve been used not as a compliment about my dress but about the flesh that’s underneath and what should be done to it.” Compliments, Catcalls, and Weariness – The Beheld
“My wardrobe has evolved over time. I find that the more I know about my style and what suits me, the colours, the shapes, the contrast, the patterns, the scale, the fabrics and textures. Knowing all these details make it so much easier to shop for the pieces that I’ll wear, will go with what I already own, and work for my lifestyle. Knowing and really understanding your personal style and colour really do make it much faster and easier over time which is why I work with my personal clients and have also developed 7 Steps to Style so that you too can make your wardrobing process easier and quicker (plus save you money for the rest of your life as you stop buying the wrong garments and focus on what works for you).
This means I cut down on the time it takes to get dressed each day as the colours in my wardrobe easily mix and match. I know when I’m shopping what my wardrobe holes are, and what I’m keeping my eyes out for to fill those holes, so when I spy those shoes that fill that hole, I get them, knowing that they will be a great workhorse. That way I have a co-ordinated wardrobe with shoesand accessories all ready to go (you too can create some easy co-ordination with your own beauty bundles).” Time Management and Style – Inside Out Style
“Nick Zavoda knows the ups and downs of autoimmunity well. Even after the AIP helped him regain his health, knee surgery sent him into a flare and required him to rethink his relationship with medication, his doctors and his body. With multiple autoimmune diseases, Nick’s story mirrors so many of ours — seemingly unrelated symptoms and months of doctors visits before reaching a diagnosis. But thanks to the AIP community and his diligent research, Nick is now back in the driver’s seat.” AIP Stories of Recovery – January 2016 – Autoimmune Paleo
“Being sick isn’t as glamorous as they make it out to be in the movies. And unlike cancer perks, there are no “chronic illness perks.” Except maybe those really good lollipops at the doctor’s office. Those are definitely a perk.
The worst part about being chronically sick isn’t the physical pain, it’s the emotional pain that goes along with it. You reach a point where you can’t hold back the tears any longer and suddenly you’re breaking down in the middle of a doctor’s office. You think you can escape the emotional torture; your disease is purely physical, right?” What It’s Really Like to Be Chronically Ill – Thought Catalog
“Recipes are other people’s code
When sites like Google Code, BitBucket, and GitHub became a reality, learning to code got dramatically easier for me. I learn best by seeing something work, and then reverse engineering it. It’s actually the only way I learn with any efficiency.
Sites like Yummly have quickly become my GitHub for cooking. I can download and run a recipe, see the results, and in the process of executing the recipe code, I learn how each part works.
And like GitHub, you can copy and paste code, but you learn a lot more if you examine it, break it down, and then rebuild. Along the way you learn skills, syntaxes, and concepts that allow you to bend it to your will.” Kitchen coding – Brett Terpstra
“In 18th century England, tea smuggling was a thriving enterprise. Steep taxes on tea made it unaffordable to the ordinary farm hand and factory worker, who craved a cuppa as much as an aristocrat did. A number of smuggling networks offered them a steady and cheap supply of tea. And the group that dominated the southern part of England was the notorious Hawkhurst Gang.” Cuppa Thugs: These Brutal Smugglers Ran an 18th Century Tea Cartel – The Salt
“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” – John Stuart Mill
When I woke up Wednesday morning and saw the results of the U.S. Election I felt lost for words. I couldn’t honestly say that I was surprised (not after Brexit), but I was shocked. I didn’t think that people would actually elect a sexist, racist, homophobic, narcissistic fascist like Trump. While I don’t think all of those who voted for Trump are sexist, or racist, they did, through their actions, say that racism is not a deal-breaker, homophobia is not a deal-breaker, sexism is not a deal-breaker.
The same people who, throughout Obama’s presidency, spread lies and fought him every step of the way, are now saying that everyone just needs to calm down and come together under Trump now that “the people have spoken”. Ignoring the fact that Hillary won the popular vote and the electoral college is a joke that was designed to keep slaveholders in power.
Of course half of the eligible voters didn’t vote at all. Usually I’d be sympathetic to that, because the U.S. political system is frankly f**ked up, but under the circumstances I am saddened that half of the eligible voters didn’t care enough to fight tooth and nail to prevent someone like Trump from taking power.Hopefully they will wake up now and do what they can to keep his power in check.
The results of the election shows how desperate white people are to keep their privilege. According to exit polls by CNN 53% of white women voted for Trump. More than half of the white women who voted decided that white privilege was more important than their right to bodily autonomy or not to be treated like an object by the most misogynistic presidential candidate in recent (if not all of U.S.) history.. White privilege was more important than standing up for yourself and other women (not to mention POC and all other minorities).
So what do we do now?
I am heartbroken. How did we get here? How could we let things get this far?
I’m not American.
I don’t live in the U.S.
This doesn’t and won’t affect me nearly as much as those in the U.S. But it does affect me (and not just because of my friends and loved ones in the U.S., that are likely to be personally affected by this). It affects all of us, because unfortunately what happens in the U.S. greatly affects what happens in the rest of the world, and frankly having a vengeful narcissist like Trump as commander-in-chief with access to the nuclear launch codes is terrifying.
Generally I would avoid referencing to Nazism (Godwin’s law and all that), because it’s too often used as hyperbole completely diluting the seriousness of that entails. But there are times when you need to take a stand, and I believe this is one of those times. I do not say this lightly, and I sincerely hope that I am mistaken.
If this is what is in our future (and if you take Trump at his own word, it is), then I have to speak up. We all have to speak up.
We all have to take action (as best we can within our abilities and limitations).
We need to stay informed – and not just consume information from within our own “bubble” (I for one am guilty of that).
We need to share information (remembering to fact check).
We need to take part in the democratic process, wherever we are.
But most importantly we need to speak up when we hear racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, islamophobic or other forms of bigoted speech – especially when it comes from those who are closest to us. Let them know that this behaviour is not okay.
All of this goes doubly so for those who are highly privileged. There might be times when it’s safe for you (us) to step in, but wouldn’t be for someone with less privilege.
I wasn’t sure I would write this post. Due to my health issues writing takes a lot out of me, and so many people have already said it better than I could. But I believe we all have a role to play, we all need to speak up in whatever way we can.
While I’ve had to write this in 15 minute chunks over several days, this is me adding my voice and speaking up.
I won’t be silent on what might become the defining fight of this generation. I hope you won’t be either.
This month I’ve decided to add my star ratings at the end of my reviews – shows more clearly how highly I value a book, and there’s some great ones this month.
Psychological Nutrition by Shoba Sreenivasan & Linda Weinberger*: I loved the concept of psychological nutrition, but the execution was rather lacklustre and became more tired as the book went on. In addition the rather literal comparisons are based on out-dated science, which made it hard to take the suggestions seriously. That’s a real shame, because the suggestions and ideas are actually decent. 3 stars
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein: I picked this up in an Audible sale and I am so happy I did. The narration by Morven Christie and Lucy Gaskell is incredibly well done and truly made the story of two young women thrown together during WWII come to life. This might be consider a Young Adult book, but it was incredibly compelling – tears might’ve been shed, and it is probably one of the best books I’ve read (listened to) this year. 5 stars
Move Your DNA: Restore Your Health Through Natural Movement by Katy Bowman: I listened to this on Audible, narrated by the author herself and while walking the dog as suggested/ordered. Bowman as always is funny, thought-provoking and educational. Move Your DNA covers our evolutionary need for natural movement, different types of movement vitamins, corrective exercises, habit modification, and lifestyle changes. Highly recommended. 5 stars
Cable Left, Cable Right: 94 Knitted Cables by Judith Durant*: An excellent introduction to cables, with something for everyone from beginners to advanced knitters. I learnt so much about how the different types of cables are created, and I feel empowered both to take on more difficult cabled patterns as well as design my own. With great photos and clear instructions cover 94 different kinds of knitted cables, a fantastic resource. 5 stars
The 100 by Kass Morgan (currently $2.15 on Kindle): I’d been watching the TV show so thought I would read the book behind it. Very different to the TV show, and for once not for the better. Very light YA. 2 stars
“His final debate performance this week was a bust, with him snarling that Clinton was “such a nasty woman” and gritting his teeth as he angrily ripped pages off a notepad when it was over. He is under fire from all quarters for refusing to say he will honor the election results if he loses, while 10 women have now come forward accusing him of groping or kissing them without consent. The capper to Trump’s bad stretch came Thursday night, when a ballroom full of New York City’s glitterati booed him as he gave remarks attacking Clinton at a charity roast.” Donald Trump is in a funk: Bitter, hoarse and pondering, ‘If I lose…’ – The Washington Post
“Susan suspects there are other women like her, but that part of the reason conservative female Christian voters won’t openly support Clinton is because of the culture of submission in Evangelical churches. Wives are supposed to follow their husbands’ lead in every matter, including politics. Speaking out against those traditional teachings can come with a risk—a social penalty of alienation from a very tight-knit community, to which spouses, extended family, children, and support systems are all intricately linked. Still, she knows of pockets of women who are defecting from Trump. “I hope all those people who are saying no to Trump are also, secretly, saying yes to Hillary,” she says.
Susan and Jennifer are not as anomalous as we think. There are hundreds of private Facebook groups with names like “Secret Hillary Club,” most of which were formed during the caucus, when Clinton supporters felt alienated by ardent Bernie Sanders fans. But now, these online groups have coalesced into places of support and encouragement for counties that burn predominantly red in the polls. Cynthia Silver, a director and acting teacher living in New York City, started her pro-Hillary private Facebook group after a heated social media argument with a former student. Since Clinton won the nomination, Silver has been surprised to see the group grow to well over 2,000 members from all over the country.” These Donald Trump Supporters Are Going to Vote for Hillary Clinton – Marie Claire
“I’m concerned about both an unwillingness to recognize that causing great harm (say, driving people out of business) is worse than causing less harm (stealing the equivalent of $0.25) and the classification of things that cause no harm as sins (for instance, consensual premarital sex). I’ve long known that there are a variety of different systems for determining whether or not an act is moral, but I hadn’t thought, really thought, about the troubling consequences of classifying actions that cause no harm together with actions that do cause harm, and labelling both immoral.” Donald Trump and the Way Evangelicals Talk About Sin – Love, Joy, Feminism
“A common result of gaslighting is questioning everything. You may feel like you’re going “crazy.” Like you don’t know what’s real and what’s imagined. Like you can’t even make the simplest choices, because you find it impossible to know what’s “right” and what’s “wrong.”
You may feel like you’ve lost your sense of self – like you need someone else to confirm that your perception is correct before you trust that anything you believe is true.
This burden is a terrible one to carry, and you deserve to be free from it so you can trust yourself again. Learning about the nature of abuse is a great place to start with healing, so I’m glad you’re taking the time to read resources like this one.” 6 Unexpected Ways I’ve Healed from Gaslighting Abuse and Learned to Trust Myself Again – Everyday Feminism
“I’ve done months of costly herbal medications; I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on practitioner fees and co-pays; I’ve created huge upheaval in my diet, requiring even more time in the kitchen; I’ve worked on my alignment; I’ve spent a lot of time at appointments.
I’ve also just been incredibly frustrated. “What is life without garlic?” I would wonder. “Why won’t my body HEAL?” “How is it other people can eat what they want and not look 6 months pregnant?” “What if I never get better?”” I’ve Had a Hard Year – The Resilient Body
“Anger and hostility were the most overwhelming sentiments at a Trump rally in Cincinnati last week, a deep sense of frustration, an us-versus-them mentality, and a belief that they are part of an unstoppable and underestimated movement. Unlike many in the country, however, these hard-core Trump followers do not believe the real estate mogul’s misfortunes are of his own making.
They believe what Trump has told them over and over, that this election is rigged, and if he loses, it will be because of a massive conspiracy to take him down.” Trump’s supporters talk rebellion, assassination at his rallies – The Boston Globe
“These concerns compel us, for the third time since the magazine’s founding, to endorse a candidate for president. Hillary Rodham Clinton has more than earned, through her service to the country as first lady, as a senator from New York, and as secretary of state, the right to be taken seriously as a White House contender. She has flaws (some legitimately troubling, some exaggerated by her opponents), but she is among the most prepared candidates ever to seek the presidency. We are confident that she understands the role of the United States in the world; we have no doubt that she will apply herself assiduously to the problems confronting this country; and she has demonstrated an aptitude for analysis and hard work.
Donald Trump, on the other hand, has no record of public service and no qualifications for public office. His affect is that of an infomercial huckster; he traffics in conspiracy theories and racist invective; he is appallingly sexist; he is erratic, secretive, and xenophobic; he expresses admiration for authoritarian rulers, and evinces authoritarian tendencies himself. He is easily goaded, a poor quality for someone seeking control of America’s nuclear arsenal. He is an enemy of fact-based discourse; he is ignorant of, and indifferent to, the Constitution; he appears not to read.” ‘The Atlantic’ Editors Endorse Hillary Clinton for President – The Atlantic
“I have to laugh when people accuse me of opposing Trump because it somehow makes me rich, or because I’m currying favors with guests at the “elite” cocktail parties that I never actually attend. I oppose Trump not just because he’s an ignorant demagogue and a naked political opportunist, but also because bigotry and intimidation cling to his campaign. Every campaign attracts its share of fools, cranks, and crazies. But Trump’s candidacy has weaponized them. Every harassing tweet and every violent threat is like a voice whispering in my ear, telling me to do all that I can to oppose a movement that breeds and exploits such reckless hate.” Donald Trump’s Alt-Right Supporters: Internet Abuse Must End – National Review
“Syncope = Fainting = Passing out. This means you have lost consciousness, or have come close and have gotten horizontal in time to prevent the actual faint, otherwise known as “pre-syncope.” This happens because there is not enough blood in your brain. Many perfectly healthy peeople faint during their life time, and it is a one or two time event – and they have no other health issues causing it or as a result. Or – it can be a sign of something serious. There are many types of fainting, the most common being vasovagal, or reflex fainting.” Fainting: The Final Frontier (and Neurally Medicated Syncope) – STOP POTS (and Dysautonomia)
“Trump fever quickly spread: Other extremists new to presidential politics openly endorsed Trump, including Don Black, a former grand dragon of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and founder of the neo-Nazi site Stormfront; Rocky Suhayda, chair of the American Nazi Party; and Rachel Pendergraft, a national organizer for the Knights Party, the successor to David Duke’s Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. Richard Spencer, an emerging leader among a new generation of white nationalists known as the “alt right,” declared that Trump “loves white people.”” How Trump Took Hate Groups Mainstream – Mother Jones
“Yet within this tale of marriage and redemption, there doesn’t seem to be room for Clinton, who is criticized for doing what Trump supporters tell others to do every day — value the sanctity of marriage. Clinton’s reasoning for reconciling with her husband even seems to follow these traditional teachings. In March of this year,Clinton spoke of her faith and marriage at a church in Michigan. She noted that it was her faith that allowed her to forgive her husband, and the example of God’s redemption that gave her a pathway to reconciliation.
Divorce is bad, argue Christian leaders, because marriage is forever. And yet, somehow when the Clintons stay together, it’s a moral failing.” The Clintons’ Christian Marriage: The staggering Evangelical hypocricy over Hillary’s refusal to divorce Bill – Salon
“It’s a little peculiar, isn’t it, that seeing homophobia as The Worst Thing makes it so much harder to challenge? But it does. Capital-H, by erasing everyday homophobia carried out by decent people, actively perpetuates a status quo where cisgender heterosexuality is normalised and everything else is.. Other.” Homophobia: letting go of the Capital H. – Consider the Tea Cosy
“After finishing their fact-finding mission, the working group was “extremely concerned about the human rights situation of African-Americans,” chair Mireille Fanon Mendes-France of France said in the report. “The colonial history, the legacy of enslavement, racial subordination and segregation, racial terrorism and racial inequality in the U.S. remains a serious challenge as there has been no real commitment to reparations and to truth and reconciliation for people of African descent.”” U.N. panel suggests slavery reparations in U.S. – The Philadelphia Tribune
“She looked at me in surprise: “You’re going to leave the baby alone with your husband?!”
I looked at her like she had two heads: “Uh, yes — at minimum, several evenings a week and all day Sunday. I would never have a baby with someone who couldn’t be left alone with a baby. In fact, nobody should.”
I wouldn’t agree to an unfair parenting arrangement any more than I’d work with a coworker who dumps his work on my desk and cuts out early.” How to Parent Equally When You Both Work Full-Time – Daily Worth
“I suggested that punishment and force will ultimately create more resistance, because force always creates push-back. After all, how would you feel if someone sat on you, pried open your mouth, forced in a toothbrush and scrubbed? Sure, you might begin to acquiesce. But I’m betting you’d be pushing back in other ways. Force creates power struggles.” When you’ve tried everything, but you still end up in the breakdown lane – Aha Parenting
“When we imagine self-trust, it seems like this enormous, all-encompassing thing that we either have or don’t have. We may look longingly at the few people who seem to be able to follow through with their dreams. We may judge ourselves harshly against their brilliant example – using this as further evidence to support our lack of self-worth. Self-trust is built upon small moments of showing up and following through.” Nourishing Acts of Self-Trust – Mara Glatzel
“The items listed above are what are in my “waiting bag”, but you might find that you will add your own special items. I know a woman that brings her crocheting along with her, or mothers who clip grocery store coupons. I recently purchased a few of the travel size tissues and antibacterial lotions, and have added them to my bag. Just add whatever will make you happy, or whatever will keep you busy.
I think my waiting bag is a good idea for anyone who finds themselves in similar situations, waiting in doctors’ offices. But I have heard from friends that they have started their own “waiting bags”, for times when they are waiting at the DMV, on errands, waiting for their kids, or even at their children’s athletic games.” What to Do When You Are Waiting to See the Doctor aka “My Waiting Bag” – But You Don’t Look Sick
“What I wish I had known then, is that researchers have found the mind is way more powerful than we think. Imagining, or visualising doing exercises, can have almost as much positive effect on our bodies as actually doing the exercise. Numerous studies have found that, to varying degrees, visualising a workout increases muscles strength. This is really hopeful news for anyone living with or recovering from a chronic illness. If you are bed bound, recovering in hospital, or just having a bad day, the right visualisation strategy can stop your muscles from deteriorating.” Can Visualising Help Rehabilitation for Chronic Disorders? – Aroga Yoga
“Homegrown and hand-mixed specialty tea makes a lovely gift. Packaged in a cute tin, jar or little muslin bag, this is an economical but heartfelt gift that is sure to be appreciated by any tea lover. Pair it with an infuser, a jar of local honey, or a cute and sunny teapot for an extra special gift!” Lemony Mint Tea – Local Kitchen
“The main advantage of sous vide cooking is control. With a constant temperature water bath, you greatly decrease the danger of overcooking your food, which makes it a perfect method for the egg, a humble food that can be transcendent if cooked properly, but rubbery and sulfuric smelling if overdone.” All the Ways to Sous Vide Eggs, Ranked – LifeHacker
““My students are terrified of Donald Trump,” reports a teacher from a middle school with a large African-American Muslim population. “They think that if he’s elected, all black people will get sent back to Africa.”
Another educator from a Tennessee school says a Latino kindergartener was told by his peers that he will be deported and barricaded behind a wall. “Is the wall here yet?” he asks daily.
One teacher reports that a fifth-grader told a Muslim student “he was supporting Donald Trump because he was going to kill all of the Muslims if he became president.”” The ‘Trump Effect’ in Schools: How Trump’s Hate Speech Is Traumatizing America’s Children – Alternet
““I put lipstick on a pig,” he said. “I feel a deep sense of remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is.” He went on, “I genuinely believe that if Trump wins and gets the nuclear codes there is an excellent possibility it will lead to the end of civilization.”
If he were writing “The Art of the Deal” today, Schwartz said, it would be a very different book with a very different title. Asked what he would call it, he answered, “The Sociopath.”” Donald Trump’s Ghostwriter Tells All – The New Yorker
“In a speech carried live from Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, on at least three TV networks last December, soon-to-be Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump was telling the world he wanted to ban Muslims from entering the United States. “It’s temporary,” he later tried to soften. And then I heard my name.
“She’s back there. Little Katy. She’s back there.”
I was six months into covering the Trump campaign for MSNBC and NBC News, and there I was, in the belly of a World War II battleship, in a press pen made out of bicycle racks, surrounded by thousands of whipped-up Trump supporters.” Katy Tur Talks Covering Donald Trump’s Candidacy for NBC – Marie Claire
“Christian culture is a haven for abusers.
It’s a shelter for rapists and molesters because of the redemption narrative they cling to. If a rapist or abuser says “I’m sorry, I’ve repented,” anyone who questions that is harshly censored. If a woman wants to divorce her husband because he enjoyed watching people rape children, she’s censored by her church and shunned. Or if your husband “repents” of sexually abusing a child for years, you’ll be the one seen as “breaking your marriage vows” if you decide to leave him. Even if he’s abusing you, according to John Piper you’re just supposed to stick it out. After all, if you listen to Debi Pearl, maybe if he beats you long enough you’ll bring him to a saving knowledge of Christ. Or, maybe Debi Pearl’s too extreme for you– how about Lori Wick, one of the most popular Christian fiction authors?
This is why Trump is succeeding so well among evangelical voters. He’s an abuser, but now he’s converted to their nationalistic, dominionist, theocratic, white supremacist and misogynistic faith, and through that has been Redeemed.
He fits right in.” what hast thou wrought: Christians and Trump – Samantha Field
“I know that many of us in the autoimmune community have faced injustices while seeking help for our diseases, regardless of what they are, so why do I hold endo apart as a distinct social justice issue? The core of a social justice is unequal access, support, or treatment, which is based on a trait. After dealing with endo for over twenty years, I’ve come to recognize something I would never have considered early on…the trait that results in unequal access and support for endo is gender. Menstruation is unique to women and dismissal of this disease as a “female problem” has lead to not only difficulty classifying endo as an autoimmune disease, but also even larger failures in thorough medical research and appropriate healthcare options.” Four Reasons Endometriosis Is A Social Justice Issue – Autoimmune Paleo
“Girly-shaming lifts traits typically considered “manly” up onto a pedestal. It implies the only way to be successful or be powerful is to adhere to a set of values commonly associated with conventionally strong men. It forces men and women into tiny, separate boxes of acceptable ways to act. Basically, it blames girls that you would classify as girly for all the problems women face.” Pink is a dirty word – Medium
“‘All over the world, girls are raised to be make themselves likeable, to twist themselves into shapes that suit other people.’
‘Please do not twist yourself into shapes to please. Don’t do it. If someone likes that version of you, that version of you that is false and holds back, then they actually just like that twisted shape, and not you. And the world is such a gloriously multifaceted, diverse place that there are people in the world who will like you, the real you, as you are.’” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Gave A Speech About Feminism – Marie Claire
“But in actuality, he just saw me as his development tool. The human bystander that he used, hurt, crushed and exhausted on his way to glorious improvement, or at least on his way to maybe possible glorious improvement. Of course he adored hearing my important thoughts about his existence because if I analyzed him critically and told him exactly what he needed to do to fix himself then he wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Having me around made things easy. I was his living, breathing, talking, walking moral barometer that explained right from wrong and hit a buzzer when he was being vile and gave him detailed advice on how to prevent his shittiness. When he behaved badly, I was there to slap him on the wrist and say, “Naughty boy!” and point out his mistakes. He wanted me around simply because he wanted free emotional labour that he didn’t return but was happy to take.” I Do Not Exist to Fix You – She Does the City
“In fact, empathy is so effective in reconnecting with our upset child and helping her calm down that it takes us by surprise when it “doesn’t work.”
But empathy isn’t a trick to control the other person. It’s a means of connection, and of helping our child process emotion. So when empathy doesn’t “work,” consider whether you’re really connecting, and whether you’re helping your child with her emotions.” Why empathy is your #1 parenting. – Aha Parenting
“What I’m suggesting is that we should think about to what extent to which we do or do not give children political agency. Growing up in a politically active family, it was simply assumed we children would support whatever candidates our parents did. We were never asked or given an option. I don’t know whether that is the case here—and even if it is, it’s not as big a deal as it is when parents are pushing their children in front of microphones—but I do remember what that was like. You can’t make a decision when you are offered only one option, or are never given a choice to begin with. What I’m trying to get at here is that we need to think consciously about the framework we use for understanding children’s political agency.” How Should We Understand Children’s Political Agency? – Love, Joy, Feminism
“The combination of circumstances which allows it to exist at all are so implausible that the Schistostega is rendered much more precious than gold. Goblins’ or otherwise. Not only does its presence depend on the coincidence of the cave’s angle to the sun, but if the hills on the western shore were any higher the sun would set before reaching the cave… Its life and ours exist only because of a myriad of synchronicities that bring us to this particular place at this particular moment. In return for such a gift, the only sane response is to glitter in reply.” The Magic of Moss and What It Teaches Us About the Art of Attentiveness to Life at All Scales – Brain Pickings
““Smoking was established long ago as a strong predictor of failure of pain treatment,” writes Dr. Tim Taylor, a chronic pain specialist. “Smokers are so difficult to treat that I will not accept smokers as patients.”
Smokers often assume that they’re mostly just hurting their lungs and risking cancer, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. Smoking compromises so many aspects of health — nearly all of them, really — that quitting is a vital pre-requisite for beating pain.” Smoking and Chronic Pain – Pain Science
“There’s nothing like charcoal-grilled meat. It’s not just the food itself, although that’s amazing. It’s the entire experience: being outside in fresh (albeit smokey) air, the sizzle when you slap that meat down on the hot grill, the smell of the smoke. Even the tools we use when grilling are bigger and savager and more rewarding than the dainty implements used inside. We don’t gently flip the steak. We grab it with huge metal tongs and throw it down. There’s less precision and more art. And the flavor can’t be found anywhere else. The smoke, the flame, the char, the grill marks, the color, the dripping fat—they are irreplaceable.
But is it healthy? Is that perfect sear costing you years off your life? Are those BBQ ribs adorning your colonic interior with pre-cancerous polyps?” How Bad Is Charred Meat, Really? Mark’s Daily Apple
“You’re twentysomething. Or thirtysomething. And you’re tired. Tired of another month of looking in the mirror and being unhappy. Tired of another night where you feel exhausted yet wonder why you couldn’t get more done. Tired of getting burned by another weight loss scheme your friend told you about. It was wraps this time, or weight loss pills, or the ab coaster. It doesn’t matter. None of them have worked, and you’re just freaking tired of it all. You just want to smile and feel good about yourself, and that hasn’t happened since you were younger. But there’s a teeny tiny part of you that doesn’t want to give up yet.” A Fitness Epic: Your story of love, health, and self-discovery. – Nerd Fitness
“All else being equal, I will vote for the female candidate over the male candidate, because gender matters. Representation is not irrelevant, it’s critically important. In fact, all else being slightly unequal, I would probably still vote for the female candidate because gender is a factor I would weigh when making my decision. That means, yes, that I would vote for a slightly less qualified female candidate over a slightly more qualified male candidate, and potentially even for a female candidate I disagree with slightly over a male candidate I agree with entirely.” Why Hillary Clinton’s Gender Matters – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Race plays a part in each of these analyses, but its role has not yet been central enough to our understanding of Trump’s rise. Not only does he lead a movement of almost exclusively disaffected whites, but he wins his strongest support in states and counties with the greatest amounts of racial polarization. Among white voters, higher levels of racial resentment have been shown to be associated with greater support for Trump.” How Donald Trump happened: Racism against Barack Obama
“Criticise Hillary Clinton all you like. Rant all day long about her political history. Take her policies apart. Question her integrity if you like. Dig up dirt on her. Publicise any mistake she’s made in her career. Shout every questionable act of hers from the rooftops. Please. Do that. She’s trying to become one of the most powerful people on the planet. Pick apart everything she’s ever done and if you find her wanting, tell everyone. As engaged voters, tis a isn’t just acceptable. It’s your job.
But remember this: if you claim to be progressive, don’t use bigotry against people.” Making it Weird: what I didn’t say when you called Hillary Clinton a man. – Consider the Tea Cosy
“The scientific method may be impartial, but the scientific culture is not. From grad-school admission on up through tenure, every promotion can hinge on a recommendation letter’s one key passage of praise, offered — or withheld — by the most recent academic adviser. Given the gender breakdown of senior scientists, most often that adviser is a man.
Perhaps she decides to ignore this first email — and this is often the case — knowing that she has little to gain, and a lot to lose, from a confrontation. Once satisfied with her tendency toward secrecy, the sender then finds a way to get her alone: invites her to coffee, into his office, out for some ostensibly group event. At said meeting he will become tentatively physical, insisting that if people knew, they just wouldn’t understand. At this point, any objection on her part wouldn’t just be professionally dangerous, it would seem heartless — and she’s not a horrible person, is she?” She Wanted to Do Her Research. He Wanted to Talk ‘Feelings.’ – NY Times
“Still, as I sat in my car listening to NPR yesterday evening, I found myself grieved by something else entirely. I have a Facebook friend who posts frequently about terrorist attacks across the world—Nigeria, Pakistan, Yemen. When an attack happens, she posts it. And yet, as I listened to wall to wall NPR coverage of Brussels, I grieved for the fact that this level of coverage only occurs when the victims are white. I grieved for the fact that the victims of last week’s Maiduguri mosque bombing received barely a mention, and I grieved for the victims of last week’s bus bombing in Peshawar. These two attacks cost more lives than the Brussels attack. Where was our grief then?” Do Western Lives Matter More? Let’s Talk Terrorism. – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Your friends are, sometimes literally, your life.
And when friendships have such power and importance, they carry the potential not only for beauty and healing, but for violence and abuse as well.
Nobody tells you this when you’re little.
Society gives us a map, however flawed, for the trajectory of romance: Most people have some sense of what is “health” and “unhealthy” in a romantic partnership (however skewed those ideas may be by gender stereotypes and Hollywood tropes).
We tend to give some weight to the idea that romantic and sexual relationships can be violent and abusive – even if we are taught to understand this primarily within a heterosexual and monogamous context.
But we are rarely, if ever, taught to nurture and tend to the health of our friendships. There is no socially accepted formula for beginning or maintaining a friendship, and even less for ending one.
This means that we are even less equipped to recognize – let alone respond to – violence or abuse between friends when it occurs.
But it does occur – and often in similar ways that abuse happens in other kinds of relationships, and for similar reasons. Because abuse is the misuse of power against others by those who do not know how to get their needs met in better ways – and like I said, sometimes friendships are the only route that we have to getting our needs met.” 8 Signs Your Friendship Might Be Abusive – Everyday Feminism
“One effect that under and over-functioning has on romantic relationships is that it keeps the people bound together by more than choice. Two people that take care of 100% of their responsibilities are more free to choose their partners. In contrast, UFs and OFs often report there being a “need” to be together. The UF “needs” the OF or else his/her life would ‘fall apart,’ and the OF “needs” to be there for the UF so this doesn’t happen and the guilt of it happening can be avoided. In that sense both people can feel important and “needed”. This has historically been referred to as “co-dependence”, although classic co-dependence almost always involves an addiction problem with the UF.” Overfunctioning & Underfunctioning – Will Meek PhD
“In times like this, when mosques are being fire bombed and Muslims spat upon and planned parenthood shot up and San Bernardino shot up and all the schools shot up and all the life bombed and Donald Trump white supremacist hate-conjuring as if the Japanese Internment never happened and old friends are dying and getting sick and newer ones too, and, and.
Each Thursday I sit at a table with my friends and our whirling-dervish mayhem, good food and love become a tiny shelter in an insane unjust bullshit world. It’s all falling apart, out there, it seems, but tonight we share something we made or they made for me, taking in the love of humans still in my arms, now in my arms. Our kids. Our bellies. Lives move on and on and yet stay right here at our table.” How I (sort of) manage Donald Trump and the rest of the bullshit – renegade mothering
“Do we have an obligation to do our best by the people we love? Well, yes—to an extent.
But we have to remember we have an obligation to ourselves first—for our happiness, our health, and our spiritual well-being. If we are not respecting our time, feelings, and energy, no one else will either.” Are You Being Too Supportive? (Yes, There Is Such a Thing) – Tiny Buddha
“The question is: how do we overcome these insecurities?
How do we become OK with ourselves? How do we learn to find contentment and peace?
The answer isn’t simple, but it requires one thing to start with: a willingness to face what we usually don’t want to face.
That means a bit of courage. Just in small doses, to start with, but it means a willingness to set aside all the distractions for a little bit, and just focus on what you’re struggling with.” A Roadmap to Overcoming Insecurities – Zen Habits
“Those of us with chronic illnesses are masters of coping. We learn to smile through the pain and anguish, we conserve what little energy we have by not bothering to cry, and we count out our spoons to figure out how much we can get done in a day.
Part of the reason it’s so hard to believe that many of us are truly sick is because of the ways we cope with our pain. It’s more than most people will ever experience, yet we have no choice but to bear it.” 6 Things You Need to Know About Invisible Illnesses – Everyday Feminism
“These differences are subtle, the kind you might not notice if you’re brewing flavored tea, making a pitcher of iced tea, or planning to add lots of milk and sugar. But in fine tea, the kind that’s meant to be drunk straight, subtlety is everything. Brew a tea one way and it might taste nice. Brew it with some extra care and it can floor you with its complexity, aroma, and finish that lingers for minutes after each sip.
Ask tea experts about brewing and they’ll tell you how your source of water is critical, how better water turns a good tea great and bad water can make even pricey tea taste sour and acrid. Anecdotally I’ve seen this claim in action, but I’ve never put numbers to it—until now. Can we quantify the impact of water source on tea?” Taste Test: Should I Use Filtered or Bottled Water for Tea? – Serious Eats
“For one, it must be said that the non-drinker does not aspire to drink a rum-free piña colada like it is his tenth birthday at the Rainforest Cafe. Nor does he wish to toast with sparkling Martinelli’s like a child play-shaving his face beside a group of Champagne-drinking dads. In the briefest terms, a good non-alcoholic party drink should not seem to be missing a key ingredient (alcohol), nor should it seem like a mere ingredient itself. While any drink is fine on an ordinary day, the booze-free party drink should be able to stand alone as a great drink in its own right.” The Ultimate Hostess Challenge: Non-Drinkers – The Cut
Awakenings by Oliver Sacks: I listened to this on Audible. It was a fascinating and simultaneously heartbreaking story of a group of patients with sleeping sickness who had been in a sleep-like trance for decades. Given the new drug L-DOPA many “woke up” – even if only for a brief time.
Written in My Own Heart’s Blood (an Outlander Novel) by Diana Gabaldon: After the last couple of Outlander novels being a bit lacklustre (in my opinion), Gabaldon has found her stride again with Written in My Own Heart’s Blood. If you’ve read and enjoyed any of her previous Outlander novels I highly recommend it – if you haven’t I would start at the beginning with Outlander.
Crochet One-Skein Wonders for Babies: 101 Projects for Infants & Toddlers by Judith Durant & Edie Eckman*: This is another excellent edition to the series of One-Skein Wonders books, this time full of cute projects for babies and toddlers – perfect for using up those leftover skeins and bits of yarn. There’s so many delightful projects, many are excellent for beginners too.
I’ll See You in Paris by Michelle Gable*: Loosely based on the real life of Gladys Spencer-Churchill, the Duchess of Marlborough, I’ll See You in Paris is both a mystery and a love story. The story had great premise, but the execution was only so-so – still a decent read, and I would recommend it for those who like historical chick-lit.
Garage Band: A comedy that has Nothing to do with Music. Everything to do with Getting Even. by Adam Rabinowitz: I was contacted by the author who apparently had liked some of my Amazon reviews and thought I would enjoy this book. I have no idea why. Not only is it poorly written, it is one of the most sexist pieces of garbage that I’ve ever read. In the end I only read the first 10% of the book and the last chapter (to see if there might be some redemption towards the end. There wasn’t.). This is a book oozing of white, middle-age, male privilege and entitlement and I’d encourage you to stay far far away from it.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman, Ph.D. & Nan Silver: I had heard really good stuff about this book, it had been on my to-read list for a long time and even with my high expectations it didn’t let me down. Too often books on relationships repeat the same-old standard advice about the importance of communication and spout the old stereotypes on the difference between men and women. Instead this book will tell you that it doesn’t really matter how much you argue – as long as you have 5 good moments for every bad one, and as long as you avoid the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling), turn toward rather than away from your partner, foster fondness and admiration, build a love map, create shared meaning and learn to cope with conflicts than can’t be resolved. I highly recommend this book to everyone (whether not you’re currently in a romantic relationship).
The White Princess (The Plantagenet and Tudor Novels) by Philippa Gregory: While Gregory’s novel are more like “light” historical fiction, I quite like most of her books and this one was better than average. Since switching to listening to them on Audible, I also find that it’s easier to keep my focus (and due to their length, they’re a pretty good deal).
Natural Hair Coloring: How to Use Henna and Other Pure Herbal Pigments for Chemical-Free Beauty by Christine Shahin*: Shahin covers all parts of natural hair care – of course with a huge emphasis on how to colour your hair naturally. I was amazed to learn just how many different colours you can achieve using natural methods, including ways to intensify your natural hair colour. I highly recommend this to anyone who colours their hair and are looking for more natural alternatives.
What have you been reading lately? Check out Modern Mrs Darcy for more quick book reviews.
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*Received an advanced reader’s copy through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.