The 5 Languages of Love
*Originally written in December 2011, reposted from my old blog.*
How many of you are familiar with the five languages of love?
Even if you’re not currently in a relationship, don’t stop reading, because this is relevant to us all. We all have different “languages” and ways that we express our love, whether it be our love for a partner, friend, parent, family member etc.
Do you speak the same love language?
Sometimes when our love languages don’t match up, we feel confused, hurt and start to doubt the other person’s love for us. You might love compliments, but he’s always buying you presents. He loves spending time with you, but you prefer to show your love by doing stuff for him. You might feel like you are practically drowning your special someone in love, but get nothing in return. You might be wondering, if the two of you fit together at all, or whether your feelings are reciprocated.
The different love languages
Gary Chapman is a marital counselor with years of experience, and he’s also the author of the bestseller The 5 Love Languages. In his book he explains how many people miscommunicate, when they try to show their love, because they don’t share the same love language. According to Chapman there are 5 different love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Most of us have one primary love language, and one or two secondary ones.
Lost in Translation
Most of us tend to show the kind of love, we are yearning to receive. If your primary love language is Receiving Gifts, you might show your love by giving your beloved presents. If your beloved has another primary love language, this might create problems. His or her primary love language might be Quality Time, so unless you are also spending time with them, your gifts will mean close to nothing to them.
This is the miscommunication that Champan is referring to. It is not a question of whether or not we love each other, but a question of how we show that love. Whether we show it in a way, that our partner can understand. If we do not do that, both partners might end up feeling unloved, even though they aren’t.
What’s the solution?
The best way to solve this issue, is by learning our beloved’s love language, and simultaneously teach him or her about our own love language. If your beloved’s love language is Words of Affirmation, you must learn to give him or her compliments and tell them daily how much you appreciate them. If your own love language is Physical Touch, you must tell him or her, how important is is to you, that they hug and caress you.
Once more, we need to remember, that subconsciously, our beloved might often forget to express their love in your love language, and fall back to using their own primary love language. Remembering this, might help you to see, that your beloved is still showing his or her love, even when you can’t feel it.
What’s your love language?
Champagn has a simple test, which can quickly show you your primary love language, as well as any secondary love languages you might have. It will also show you, which love languages really don’t mind much to you at all. You can take the test here. If you want to learn more about the five languages of love, you can read about Gary Chapman and his book on his website The 5 Love Languages.
Read more about each love language
Also, to see how well you can get to know someone through a blot, take a guess, which love language do you think is my primary love language?