Link Love (2013-07-02)

Thought-provoking

“To me, one of the single most valuable things a person can carry into a relationship is the knowledge that it is okay to be alone. I don’t want a partner who believes that she must be with me, out of fear of being alone; to me, the healthiest relationships are those that are engaged in freely, as a matter of choice. I don’t want the feeling that I must be with a partner; the knowledge that it is possible for me to lose a relationship, to have my heart broken, and that I can still move on and still be happy means that I am free to involve myself in relationships as a conscious choice. I can be happy even without a relationship; that means the relationships I am in, I am in because they add value to my life and to my partner’s life, not because I have no choice about them.” On the value of a broken heart – Tacit

4 Key Characteristics of Effective Learners – Life Optimizer

“Moreover, research indicates that there are many things that can deplete our willpower, some of which we probably  wouldn’t think of that way. Sitting through a boring meeting, trying to impress a date, not fitting in at your workplace – all these things drain your willpower. Every time you have to resist an impulse or make a decision, no matter how trivial, you are using your “willpower muscle” and therefore depleting your willpower reserves.” The Science of Self-Control: Can You Increase Your Willpower? – Pick the Brain

“The minute you see the blind spot, it’s like this glaring, gaping wound, red and raw and impossible to miss. But until you see it, it festers, inflaming your life and creating repetitive suffering. Once the blind spot is illuminated, you can’t help but to change your behavior. You realize the stories you’ve been telling yourself simply aren’t true. You’re no longer the victim, but rather the creator of your life. It’s all about taking personal responsibility for what happens to you, rather than blaming everybody else.” What’s Your Blind Spot? – Lissa Rankin

“The locus of control is the idea of how much influence you have over your life. Do you believe that you are the captain of your fate or that you’re helpless before the power of outside forces? Someone with an internal locus of control is someone who believes that they and they alone are the ultimate arbiters of their lives. Someone with an external locus of control, on the other hand, is someone who has, in a very real sense, conceded their power to others. Someone who has an internal locus will attribute their success ultimately to their own effort – “I had sex last night because I am charming and delightful!” – while someone with an external locus will attribute theirs to the influence of others whether it be as nebulous as “luck” or needing to get revenge on an ex-boyfriend or simply lowered standards via the magic of booze.” Who Controls You? – Paging Dr. NerdLove

How to Support a Loved One Who Is Dealing With Depression – Everyday Feminism

Equality

“Listen up men, you’ve been flaunting your curves for far too long and it’s about time you stop making women and gay males stumble*.  How can you possible live with yourselves by doing that?  It’s time you straighten up and put others first.  So I’ve made a handy top ten guide on how guys can dress and act more modestly. I hope you feel properly chastized!” Top Ten Ways Men Can Dress Modestly – Braless in Brasil

“Here’s what the Years of Therapy have taught me.  You can save yourself.  But you have to respond. Don’t just take verbal abuse, endless drama and complaining, concern trolling (“But I just say these mean things to you because I worry about you!”) or sexist & racist crap from people and assume that because you’ve frozen like a statue that they’ll get that they should stop talking.  These people need to be told.” How to say STFU when the FU is silent – Captain Awkward

“But teenagers have breasts! And different teenagers have different types of breasts! Girls with big breasts will have deeper cleavage because they have bigger breasts. Tall girls are more likely to show “too much” leg because they have longer legs. Girls with big butts might appear to be wearing tighter leggings because…you’ve got the idea.” Prom or Bust: The Terrifying Power of Teen Cleavage – Jezebel

“Somewhere along the lines, a lot of men have developed the idea that the world owes them a woman. Sometimes it’s a specific one – The One, in fact. Sometimes it’s less specific; a man may not think that he’s owed Kat Dennings, to pull a completely-random-and-not-at-all-because-she-won’t-take-my-calls example, but he is owed a woman of equivalent hotness, regardless of his own physical appearance or level success, talent or achievement.” Privilege, Entitlement and Dating – Paging Dr. NerdLove

““Women’s desire — its inherent range and innate power — is an underestimated and constrained force, even in our times, when all can seem so sexually inundated, so far beyond restriction,” he writes. “Despite the notions our culture continues to imbue, this force is not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety.” In fact, he argues, “one of our most comforting assumptions, soothing perhaps above all to men but clung to by both sexes, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale.”” The truth about female desire: It’s base, animalistic and ravenous – Salon

Health

Buy a New Toothbrush Whenever You Buy Toothpaste – Life Hacker

The Butter Manifesto – Whole9

The “Inevitablities” of Aging: How Inevitable Are They? – Mark’s Daily Apple

8 Ways to Keep Your Brain Fit – Care2

Beauty & Body Image

“I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful – in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I’d pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and imagine a time when I’d be big enough to wear it; when I’d be like you.” When Your Mother Says She Is Fat – Stuff

Inspirational

“Don’t get me wrong, I love the spa, but my self-care doesn’t require special treatment. Instead, at it’s core, it is a vow to tell myself the truth, and to work with myself instead of against myself.
It is about how I want to show up in my life – for myself and for my dreams – and the tangible ways that I tend to my wild spirit as I journey on.
It is about taking care now, in this moment, in this body, in this life, and not waiting for someone else to tell you that you are worth caring for.” A Declaration in Self-Care – Mara Glatzel

9 Lies to Unlearn Before It’s Too Late – Marc & Angel

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