Link Love (2013-07-13)


“People gauge what they should do more by what they see others doing than by what they are told to do. I will also admit, ashamedly, that I myself can vividly remember at least a couple cases of doing things that I deep down knew were wrong, while knowingly using people that I knew about who did similar things and who I knew were well-condemned for those things as role models for how to do these wrong things. It didn’t matter that prescriptively I knew most people thought those behaviors were wrong, I took specific cues and modeled actions on them anyway. Such is the corruptive potential of natural conformist tendencies.” From Normal to Normative, Human Minds’ Confirmist Conservative Prejudice – Camels With Hammer

“If more men were to stop and realize what our cultural system says about us, we would be insulted. To be a man means being a base creature who is at the mercy of his most animalistic instincts. Men, we are taught, are brutish, stupid and violent, are incapable of deeper intimacy or caring, and only want a very narrow range of physical or emotional characteristics in their partners; we can’t appreciate women who are large, older, muscular, aggressive, flat-chested, pear-shaped or more sexually experienced. To be a man in this view is not even to be human – we’re neanderthals at best.
We deserve better than this… but we haven’t fully begun to recognize that we’re holding ourselves back. It’s this misunderstanding and ignorance that ultimately underscore so much of male culture in this day and age. And once we begin to understand it, to work to change it…
…men can finally be so much more.” Understanding Men – Paging Dr. NerdLove

“Having multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of your partner(s) does not sound like a bad idea, actually. However, when you first hear the concept, you tend to make a déjà vu assumption. Your first thought is, “Aaa! Group sex, OK”; the second, an image of a feudal landowner with five wives and a dozen horses. Polyamory is neither of these. It’s not an excuse to cheat on your spouse, nor a swinging club. It’s an ideology which makes people who would like to love more than one person in a way that is sexual, emotional, spiritual or any combination thereof. Bien sûr, this multi-love setting is a game changer for the mono-love deal referred to as “monogamy”. Yet when you think about it, why is it perfectly fine for us to have sex with multiple people but the set-up becomes creepy when it’s about loving multiple people. Weird. IKR!” Polyamory is the new monogamy – Dazed Digital

“Honesty without compassion is rubbish. The question should not be framed as “Which is better, honesty or dishonesty?” but rather “How can we strive for absolute honesty in a framework of respect, compassion, kindness, and sincerity?” All too often, when the question is framed as Radical Honesty vs. The Little White Lie, the only compassionate answer is The Little White Lie, because the philosophy of Radical Honesty–at least as I’ve seen it practiced–treats compassion with disdain, or even contempt.” Some Thoughts on Radical Honesty – Tacit

Should You Learn Physics Like Newton? Contrasting Expert and Beginner Learning Strategie – Scott H Young


“Initially conceived as rehabilitation centers for prostitutes, the Magdalene asylums — also known as the Magdalene Laundries for the “women’s work” slave labor expected of the residents — eventually grew into houses of horror. The girls, some not even teens, were forced to work seven days a week without pay. The short-term treatment intended by the founders eventually gave way to long-term incarceration. Though conditions varied from one asylum to the next, a strict code of silence was in place for most of the day throughout the Magdalene system. Long prayer sessions were mandatory.” Girl Slaves of Catholic Magdalene Asylums to Receive Compensation, but Not from the Church – Friendly Atheist

“More dubious still was last September’s “Dublin declaration”, a statement insisting abortion is never necessary to save the life of a mother. Yet even a cursory inspection reveals this is simply not true. Pregnancy is not risk-free and the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists states: “Abortions are necessary in a number of circumstances to save the life of a woman.”” Strong religious convictions are no excuse for misrepresenting research – The Irish Times


“We live in a world where the material, the fabric, the pieces that adorn you are somehow allowed to say more about who you are than the convictions in your heart and the sincerity in your deeds.” Last Week as Part of a Cultural Discovery Project… – Head Above Water

“As it turned out, after being grilled about this stuff by the ADA, it was ruled that the defense attorney couldn’t bring up the photos and drawings in front of the grand jury. It didn’t matter—they threw the case out anyway. They apparently thought I hadn’t fought back enough and I wasn’t bruised enough and I didn’t go to the police soon enough. I wasn’t particularly surprised by the result, but it left me feeling like the judicial system and society as a whole had let me down. I am a human being who wants to experience all that life has to offer and I feel I have the right to do so, as does any man or woman. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about expressing myself artistically or through clothing. I especially shouldn’t have those expressions of myself thrown back in my face as an argument for why I deserve to be violated. Sure, I put myself in a stupid situation. I get that. But let’s say someone was stupid enough to pass out on my doorstep and I decided to stab them to death, just because I had the primal urge to and they were there—I’d be convicted of murder, and rightly so. The victim’s lifestyle wouldn’t come into play at all.” I Got Raped, Then My Problems Started – VICE

“There are those who would argue that we are regulating men’s bodies and taking away their freedom to make their own healthcare choices, but as our conservative brethren have pointed out in many a debate on rape culture, men simply can’t control their sexual urges on their own as per the landmark legal reasoning of “boys will be boys.” Therefore, they need help and incentives.” Charles Clymer: My Proposal for a Bill that Bans Male Masturbation in Texas – Huffington Post

“But when you say that the loudest homophobes are closeted LGBT folks, you erase the fact that the vast, vast majority of homophobia doesn’t come from closeted people. It comes from straight people. Casual, everyday homophobia overwhelmingly comes from straight people (and yes, by the way, I know that all of you aren’t like that). The vast majority of people who vote against marriage equality are straight. The vast majority of the people who draft gender recognition legislation that enshrines gatekeeping, divorce, diagnoses and compulsory surgery are cis. The people who think that knowing we even exist should be kept from kids, because we’re too ‘confusing’? Mostly straight and cis. The people who treat us ever-so-slightly differently, who tokenise us, who judge us by how closely we conform to stereotypes? Mostly straight and cis. And, yeah, most of the people who brainwash, reject and demonise us are straight and cis too.” Why You Need to Quit Calling Homophobes Closet Cases – Consider the Tea Cosy

“To conflate Penny and Berger: If you spend a lifetime housing your internal surveyor, you might not be terribly surprised when you find that there are external surveyors you hadn’t considered. Not that women walk through our days consciously considering that men might be looking at us. In fact, that’s part of the point: Being seen becomes such a default part of the way you operate that it ceases to be something you need to be actively aware of.” I’ll Be Watching You: NSA Surveillance and the Male Gaze – The Beheld

Here’ the Apology Serena Williams Should Have Given – Role/Reboot & Serena’s rape victim-blaming got everything wrong – Salon


15 Reasons to Use Apple Cider Vinegar Every Day – Mind Body Green

The Truth About Air Freshener – Clean My Space

What to Drink While Expecting: Study Say Moderate Booze OK – TIME

8 Primal Mantras for Beginner – Mark’s Daily Apple

How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby? – Jean Twenge – The Atlantic


Homemade Conditioner Recipe – My Frugal Home

DIY Your Own Cool Winter Lip Balm – Beautylish

Chocolate Mint DIY Lip Balm – Homemade Mommy

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