Link Love 2013-10-12

Thought-provoking

“Back when you and your friend first met, you were The Fucked Up One and she was The Good, Helpful One.  You describe her so beautifully:  “She’s the type of person who tries to genuinely fix people and is tooth-achingly sweet” that it tells me that part of her identity is still based on the dynamic of your friendship.  “I’m the good one, I fix people!” To keep seeing herself that way she needs you to keep filling your old role in her life.  This friend compares herself to you constantly.  You are the barometer she uses to measure herself.  It’s possible that she’s jealous of your accomplishments – graduate school, successful career, ability to pursue your own artistic and intellectual interests – so it’s convenient for her to ignore your achievements and focus on the things (she thinks) you lack. She is probably unhappy with some of her own choices and drowns that unhappiness by overly investing in, or, uh, “fixing” other people’s lives.” Reader Question #5: How Do I Deal With a Clingy Friend Who Tries to Make Over My Life – Captain Awkward

6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want – Barking Up the Wrong Tree

“Social fallacies are particularly insidious because they tend to be exaggerated versions of notions that are themselves entirely reasonable and unobjectionable. It’s difficult to debunk the pathological fallacy without seeming to argue against its reasonable form; therefore, once it establishes itself, a social fallacy is extremely difficult to dislodge. It’s my hope that drawing attention to some of them may be a step in the right direction.” Five Geek Social Fallacies – Plausibly Deniable

Why Columbus isn’t worth celebrating: Christopher Columbus was awful (but this other guy was not) – The Oatmeal

“In other words, touch often gets framed in terms of roles and control rather than simple human connection. Most of us at some point try (usually subconsciously) to influence the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others byrefraining from touch. It’s the ultimate in hands-off micromanagement. Yeah, I’ve done it too. I still do, sometimes. Welcome to life in the real world.” 5 ways to get enough touch, without all the pressure – SoloPoly

Emergency Cleaning: Unf*%& Your Whole House in the Shortest Time Possible – Persephone Magazine

Equality

“He was a feminist but girls who went after modelling were stupid, he was a feminist but when I wore a dress and stockings I was asking for it. He was a feminist but my bisexuality meant I owed him a threesome with another girl. He was a feminist but when he was aroused and I was asleep my consent was unnecessary. He was a feminist but calling me a dumb slut and penetrating me while I shook and cried was “not a big deal”. He was a feminist but he mentally abused me for two years because of my gender and how inferior he believed it was to his.” My Reality: My Rapist Was a Feminist – Gender Focus

“I am a Muslim woman, but I do not particularly favour wearing the veil, yet I respect any Muslim woman’s autonomy to do so. I do not think face covering automatically equals oppression. Often it is Westerners who project oppression onto others, to create imagery that fits current discourse in our political climate, mixed in with of course some “white saviour” complex. Yet I recognise that the veil in its various forms is used for gender segregation in parts of the world where women have very low human rights, unlike here in the UK. That is a true undisputable fact, but more indicative of regimes and patriarchal states that interpret Islam that way, which go on to legislate what women can and cannot wear. Banning a garment feeds into this very same logic – men policing women’s bodies, again.” The veil debate: why we must respect the autonomy of all women – The F-Word

“I am a difficult woman. I have thought this, been told this, and cultivated this in myself for many years, both knowingly and unknowingly. I talk too loud and too fast for some, am too busy, too intense, too passionate, too bookish, too successful, or as an ex-boyfriend once said to me (thus the ex), “too much.”” I Am a Difficult Woman – Role / Reboot

“Huh. It looks to me like “the case against female suffrage” might very well also be “the case against black suffrage.” Or, you know, “the case against the suffrage of anyone who doesn’t vote like I think they should.”” If Women Won’t Vote My Way… They Shouldn’t Vote – Love, Joy, Feminism

“I don’t have a good answer for the perpetuation of gender stereotypes in our society. When you see a little girl playing on a Little League team, everyone thinks it’s cool and that she’s strong or powerful. But if you see a little boy in dance class wearing a tutu—believe me—you get a very different reaction. People are turned off by it and want the boy to change.” Raising My Rainbow: My Pink-Loving, Princess-Crazy Son – The Daily Beast

“The problem is not only that Judge Baugh blamed Morales for being raped, but also that he engaged in some of the most invidious forms of victim-blaming because it targets children. Under statutory rape law, children are their chronological age regardless of perceived mental capability. Only the power of male privilege would take into consideration whether an adolescent girl had the mental fortitude to seduce an older man, instead of understanding that authority and ownership played a role in this sexual encounter. It is problematic enough to have a society that continuously blames adult women for their own rape, but now we have judges who work to embed this rape culture into law. We have a serious problem.” Is Rape Culture Getting Worse? – Role / Reboot

Beauty & Body Image

How to Minimise Mechanical Damage to Your Hair – Venusian*Glow

How to wash your hair – 10 tips for great hair – Hair Romance

Inspirational

“Nostalgia is a liar. Plain and simple. It looks at the past with rose-colored glasses as if it was problem-free.
Problem is – there were always problems. Nostalgia just avoids talking about it.” The Sneakiest Enemy to Success in Your 20s – All Groan Up

“No, relationships are not easy.  Opening our hearts and shedding our armor is not easy. Dropping our defenses or our desire for control is not easy – or comfortable. And yet, we can and we do and we dare.” Finding healing in love – First Ourselves

Health

How to Improve Indoor Air Quality Naturally – Wellness Mama

Unveiling the Paleo Manifesto: An Exclusive Excerpt – Mark’s Daily Apple

The BEST Test for Gluten Sensitivity! – Underground Wellness

Health Lessons from International Cuisines: Africa – Chris Kresser

Recipes

All Natural Herbal Hair Color Recipes – Wellness Mama

Brazilian Cheese Bread – Fleur de Lyss

Homemade Elderberry Syrup for Natural Flu Prevention and Treatment – Wellness Mama

What to Make With Garlic Scapes – Garlic Hummus and Other Recipe Ideas – Old World Garden Farms

Homemade Natural Hairspray Recipe – Wellness Mama

Guest Recipe by Alissandra Maffucci of Inspiralized-Sweet Potato Crust Pesto Pizza with Tomatoes and Avocado – The Paleo Mom

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