Link Love (26/10/2013)
“There is a value and power in being direct and in acting as if the other person will respect your directness that accumulates over time. And there is value and power in being able to receive dislike and unpleasant emotions from other people without internalizing them. It’s naive to think that a woman’s “Hey, no thanks” will always we respected – we have tons of sad, terrible evidence that it won’t always be – but it can help you to set your own boundary and your own expectation for how you need to be treated to act as if it will be respected. It’s not a magical talisman against Schrodinger’s Rapist, but fortunately the vast majority of guys who will approach you are Schrodinger’s Perfectly Fine Guy Who Has Been Trained By the Patriarchy That He Has To Persistently Approach Women and somewhere in that group lurks Schrodinger’s Guys Who Wish They Could Just Drop The Whole Thing And Go Home To A Good Book. And all of those guys, potential predators included, really need to be taught what a clear, direct “no” looks like and that the world will not end if a random woman doesn’t rain constant smiles and approval down on the parched and rocky soil of their hearts.” Reader Question #92: I get sucked into conversations with men that I don’t want to talk to, and then give them fake numbers. How do I stop? – Captain Awkward
The 5 Most Common Self-Limiting Beliefs in Men ( and What to Do About Them) – Paging Dr. NerdLove
“Then there were the comedy words: “boghandel”, “baadfart” and “slut spurt” for example – the first time I saw that splashed across a shop window I got a bit of a shock. (It means “final sprint” and is used to indicate that a sale is coming to an end.)” Can you learn Danish by osmosis? – BBC News
ALL THE THINGS: Can you describe the ruckus? – Whole Beast Rag
“Which brings me to the rather lovely term “sensual attraction,” which can, as with romantic attraction, be experienced without sexual attraction (though all three can be experienced at once, as well, or in different combinations). Sensual attraction is experiencing the desire to be in physical contact with someone, though that physical contact, no matter how close or intimate, need not be sexual. It can be, but need not be, which is an important thing to mention.” Sensuality and Touch – Hacking the Heart
A Simple Mind Trick that Reduces Emotional Pain – Psychology Today
“Trans* folks face a host of systemic forms of violence as well, including discrimination in housing and employment.
There’s another layer of violence, and this comes through the way our culture views and speaks about trans* people. The delegitimization and invisibility of trans* identities and their struggle is evident in and perpetuated through language.
While using the right pronouns may seem insignificant, it is a major step in fighting for trans justice.” 5 Ways Using Correct Gender Pronouns Will Make You a Better Trans* Ally – Everyday Feminism
“What we don’t say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We aren’t judging you for who you are but that doesn’t mean we’re not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.” Of course all men don’t hate women. But all men must know they benefit from sexism – New Statesman
“But the reason why it’s so easy is because these guys really don’t care who I am as an individual. I could just as easily be another person entirely.
The only thing that matters to these guys is that I’m Asian, and everything else is unimportant.
And once I figured that out, it made me sick to my stomach.” Yellow Fever: Dating as an Asian Woman – Everyday Feminism
How to Be an Ally to Trans Women *Excerpt from Excluded* – Velvetpark
“Rape is not always violent. Some survivors surrender to protect themselves or their loved ones. Some are intoxicated, drugged, physically or mentally incapacitated, or in a position without power. Some (doubly horribly) are children. Rape does not always include penile penetration. Some rapists are married to their victims. Some rapists are women. Some women rape men. And sometimes, in the middle of an act that is always a violation, a rape survivor will experience increasingly intense physical sensations leading to climax – an orgasm.” What Science Says About Arousal During Rape – Popular Science
Beauty & Body Image
How to Determine Your Hair’s Porousity, And Why It Is Important – Venusian*Glow
“The truth was more complicated. I missed using fashion as a form of self-expression. I missed the beauty I would create and then get to enjoy in the mirror. I missed feeling beautiful.” Guest Post: My Love-Hate Relationship with Feeling Pretty – Already Pretty
Beauty Whitewashed: How White Ideals Exclude Women of Color – Everyday Feminism
“Listening to ourselves helps us make decisions that are truly right for us. It helps us cultivate habits that are genuinely nourishing.
It helps us set emotional and physical boundaries, boundaries that are respectful and honor ourselves. It helps us respond to our needs and take better and kinder care of ourselves.” Becoming a Better Listener to Yourself – Weightless
Leave Your Keyboard Feet Folded in for Better Ergonomics – Lifehacker
From Cat Food to Sushi Counter: The Strange Rise of the Bluefin Tuna – Food & Think
Cavement Ate $12 Burgers: A Historical Perspective on Food Prices – Mark’s Daily Apple
Perfect Silk Hypoallergnic Lotion Bar Recipe – Wellness Mama
Portuguese Almond Cake – PaleoNonPaleo
Savory-Roasted Chicken with Lemon, Garlic and Potatoes – Nourished Kitchen
The Coolest Homemade Tub & Shower Cleaner EVER: The DIY Scum Buster Bar – The Prairie Homestead
Pork Belly Croutons with Kale Salad – Mark’s Daily Apple
Beef and Pumpkin Stew – Boake Blog