Link Love (2014-01-04)
“It was when I got down on my knees that I discovered another problem I did not foresee with my donut choice. Do you know what chocolate glaze looks like when smeared over the head of a penis? I’ll tell you. It looks like shit. Actual, literal shit. The sight of the brown goo oozing over a dick that was wearing the pastry equivalent of a pool floaty nearly made me abort the entire mission. It was beyond comical and gross. To ease the non-sexy tension, we did what any couple would: We took dick pics to Instagram later and then made out.” I Tried Cosmo’s Weirdest Sex Tips So You Don’t Have To – Role / Reboot
Breadsticks to Rabbits: A History of the Dildo – Gender Focus
“My feelings about attachment and partnership have always been that they are fluid and evolving. Jack’s father, Dan, will always be my partner because we share Jack. Dan is the best father and the most wonderful man I’ve known. Just because our relationship is nonsexual doesn’t make him any less of a partner. We share the same core values, including putting our son first. My more recent ex, Bryn, remains my partner because we share our activism. And Clare will always be my partner because she is also my best friend.” Coming Out as a Modern Family – NY Times
The Intentions vs Outcmes Matrix: Why you should care less about one and more about the other – It’s Pronounced Metrosexual
“This is toxic. This is how Michael convinces otherwise gentle and loving parents to beat their children with plumbing supply line. I really don’t know what else to say here except that this section is so toxic it takes my breath away. What Michael is doing is telling parents to turn off their consciences and their natural human love for their children, because beat their children they must. We like to think of child abuse as something that is only done by angry, hateful parents. Sadly, because of books like this, that is not true. If you want more evidence of this, I suggest you read the story of how Samantha’s father broke her tailbone applying the Pearls’ methods—and of his horror afterwards.” TTUAC: If You Love Your Children, You Will Beat Them – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Now imagine if the situation were changed. Imagine if a young man began to question the historicity of Joseph Smith’s golden plates, or if a young Muslim questioned the authority of either Muhammad or the Koran. Would Christian apologists disparage the young man’s motives then? Would they accuse him of selfishly wanting to be free from the authority of the Koran or the Book of Mormon, or rather would they join him in honestly consulting the facts as we find them? Would they consider the motivation of the inquisitor an overriding factor in this discussion? No, they wouldn’t. Even if they chose at some point to condemn the character of the young man (and I’m confident they will at some point, for they must) they would still see the intellectual questions as separate from the question of motives or character. They would see the intellectual questions as valid in themselves and address them to the best of their abilities. So why don’t they do this when someone challenges the Christian faith or the Bible? Why in those moments do they insist on moving the discussion away from the intellectual sphere toward the very subjective sphere of hidden motives? It’s because like any organism fighting for its own survival, the Christian belief system must employ an array of defense mechanisms to hide its most vulnerable places from the harsh light of rigorous questioning.” Diversionary Tactics – godless in dixie
Aamer Rahman on “Reverse Racism” – Muslim Reverie
“We women aren’t really taught to trust our instincts. Instead, we’re taught to be polite. To bend and fold in the face of opposition. We are expected to maintain the illusion of feminine compliance, lest we deal with the consequences of defying it. I know what it feels like to sit there quietly as someone lists all of my faults, and to not know to what extent I am “allowed” to disagree or retaliate. Thankfully, I haven’t done any of these things for some years now. And while it doesn’t always make me happy, it never makes me feel trapped.” A Letter to the Young Woman Dating a Jerk – Role / Reboot
“After absorbing these jokes, this toxic depiction of the nagging housewife and uptight girlfriend all my life, I’ve developed a deep paranoia about being controlling and bossy, even when I’m not actually being controlling or bossy. Because of my mental illness, I’m prone to paranoia in the best of circumstances, and this is far from the best of circumstances. I am straight up scared that my partner will leave me if I insist too firmly on what I want. This is a real thing that really, honestly worries me, despite all current evidence to the contrary. Mind you, I’ve previously had partners who very helpfully decided to play up this anxiety by telling me I was being controlling when I was actually being objectively reasonable. These are examples of what is usually dubbed “gaslighting“, and was undoubtedly shitty behavior on their part, but who can really blame them for taking a socially provided Get Out Of Jail free card for being selfish? Your wife won’t let you do whatever you want? Well, obviously she’s a shrew, a nagging bitch. This is a story that everyone around you will understand, and recognise, because they’ve seen it portrayed a million times. As a man in a relationship with a woman, if you don’t mind taking advantage of it, this trope means you don’t have to accept compromise on what you want – not without being able to complain to understanding friends anyway.” Why Are Women the Marshalls of Fun? – Reluctant Femme
My Self-Esteem’s Not Low Enough to Date You – Gender Focus
“But here’s what really gets me about this story. The officers in their typical, unimaginative, small-minded way looked at two black men with a white girl and could not imagine anything that was not evil. There was no room in their minds for seeing a black man as being capable of a legitimate, healthy relationship with a white child.
That’s the kind of society we live in.
We’re trained to see ugliness and threats in people who are not like us—and we use these differences to validate our actions against them. Even when we know that the greatest threats to our safety and well-being come from the people we know and trust, we fear the stranger and use well-worn biases to justify them.” When Black Men and White Women Share Space – Role / Reboot
“And there, you see, is the problem. It’s one thing to tell people that they should, if it’s at all feasible, come out. It’s another thing entirely to do that when research shows clearly that the very communities that give lesbian and gay people a place to come out to and the support they need? Not only don’t do that for bi people- but can actively marginalise them. Speaking as someone who has been openly bi for half my life, and who has been facilitating bi safer spaces for several years now? The story I hear time and again- one of the many stories that breaks my heart every time I hear it, over and over again- is from people who, despite being part of queer communities, never had a space where they felt safe being themselves.” Why Don’t the Bi People Just Come Out Already? An Open Letter to Dan Savage – Consider the Tea Cosy
Beauty & Body Image
“Watching the AMAZING video in the link below about the implications of many types of Photoshop transformations reminded me, however, of the many forces working against us – many of which we can’t NOT see, that we sometimes don’t even know we’re seeing, and many of which parents simply can’t shield their children from. The only thing we can do is own who we are, never apologize for it, and never try to change something on the outside unless it’s part and parcel to becoming healthier on the inside.
The good thing about this video? It reminds us of the plastic culture we live in, wherein who a woman is NATURALLY is digitally changed into something that doesn’t exist anywhere. ANYWHERE.” Photoshop transformation & you (and me. And…) – Cave Girl Eats
The “Yoga Body” – Wild Beauty
“But this sort of objectification—the kind of objectification I subtly take part in when I gaze out the coffeeshop window and, if I don’t consciously work my way out of it, see a parade of lady-thighs—seems more insidious. Not only because of what it says about how women’s own gaze might be defaulting to what we used to call “the male gaze,” but because of what it says of how we view ourselves. One of the reasons beauty can be so effective as a bonding mechanism between women is that we see ourselves in other women. It’s also my explanation of why so many straight women become aroused by watching women in porn, not just men or male-female couplings: We see the image of sex itself as being inherently tied to our bodies as objects of desire. Desire including our own. (Cue a Google Scholar rabbit hole for search term “self-objectification.”)” A Tentative Exploration of the Female Gaze – The Beheld
““But I’m MEANT to get 10/10,” she said.
MEANT to. It didn’t matter what I said. She’s already made up her mind about her worth and upon what it’s based.
Perfectionism has its strengths. It helps you to strive for high standards. It can drive great achievements and improvements too.
It easily tips into the problem zone, though, when you decide you have to do everything yourself and get critical towards other people when they don’t meet your exacting standards.
Perfectionism is controlling. At its worst, it’s cold and cut off from others. It’s overly concerned with appearances. It’s hard.
At the root of perfectionism is your sense of security and self-worth that’s based on performing at extremely high standards. And you pay a price for it.” Perfectionism and Performance: how to make them a happy couple – Tricia Karp
DIY Foaming Hand Soap – Wellness Mama
Paleo Chocolate Haupia Pie Squares – Civilized Caveman Cooking Creations
Paleo Marzipan – The Paleo Mom
Healthy Paleo Dessert: Ten-minute Apple Crisp! – Cave Girl Eats
Paleo Lemon Blueberry Poke Cake – Beauty and the Foodie
Cinnamon Spice Kombucha Tea – Nourished Kitchen