Link Love (2014-01-11)
This isn’t bravery, but something quieter and lonelier than that: the life I’ve lived and the people I’ve let down. This is cowardice, gift-wrapped in an honesty that people confuse as courage.
Or, as a writer friend of mine says, “Calling something brave is really just another way of saying, ‘What you wrote scared me.’” The Non-Bravery of Bearing Witness – The Vela Blog
“Meas Ratha was a teenager when she appeared on French television telling a tragic tale of how she was sold to a brothel in Phnom Penh and imprisoned as a young sex slave. Now, almost 16 years since her story was first broadcast on the France 2 channel, Ms. Ratha and members of her family have revealed that her story of abuse was carefully fabricated and rehearsed, on the instruction of Cambodia’s then-emerging anti-sex trafficking celebrity activist Somaly Mam.” Sex Slave Story Revaled to be Fabricated – The Cambodia Daily
“For the most part, I’d say I’m pretty confident. I like who I am, I believe in myself and believe in the things I can do. I’m a good person, a nice person. I know that I’m smart, I know that I’m pretty, and I know that I’m a good mom.
Wow, did I just say all of that out loud? Yep, I did, and it feels really…uncomfortable.
As I was writing all of the above, I wanted to add the disclaimer. Sure, I believe in myself…when I’m not plagued with self-doubt. I’m a nice person…when I’m not gossiping like a petty bitch. I’m pretty…well, my face is, if you can ignore the rest of me. And I’ve got that mom thing down…until I lose my shit and scream, “No more Barney ever! Ever!”
I want to say that I’m awesome, and truly believe it, but my knee-jerk reaction, my go-to sentiment, is that I basically suck at life.” Why Are Women So Hard On Themselves? – Role / Reboot
“The fact that many of today’s college graduates have the same standard of living as the lowest-skilled workers of the 1960s proves that attitude is wrong, wrong, wrong. If we want to restore what we’ve traditionally thought of as the middle class, we have to stop thinking of ourselves as middle class, no matter how much we earn, or what we do to earn it. “Working class” should be defined by your relationship to your employer, not whether you perform physical labor. Unless you own the business, you’re working class.” The “middle class” myth: Here’s why wages are really so low today – Salon
“If I ask you how you spend your money, that’s a very different question than if I ask how you invest your money. Your goals for spending and investing are different, and as a result your actions for each are different. So isn’t it strange that we talk about how we spend time, but we never talk about how we invest time?” Investing Time vs Spending Time – Tynan
“Marrying girls off so early does several things. For one thing, it precludes them having other options. They have not finished their academic education and are not qualified for anything besides homemaking. And even then, what fifteen-year-old is truly ready to run a home in today’s world? For another thing, such early marriage means a girl marries before she has time to completely mature and form her own outlook on life. But then, sadly, that’s rather part of the point. This sort of arrangement, after all, functions not as an independent adult making her own decisions but rather as a property transfer—and it is explicitly stated as such.” Child Marriage and the Rest of the Maranatha Story – Love, Joy, Feminism
“When I was little, my parents taught me to believe there was a person who was always watching me, keeping record of all the good things and bad things I do. I couldn’t see him, they told me, but somehow he could be anywhere and everywhere without any limitations of time or space. I shouldn’t even bother looking, they said, because he wouldn’t show himself to me under any circumstances. Some kind of principle for him, I guess. But this person was going to either reward me for being a good boy or else punish me for being bad. At one point I began to question the existence of this person but I was told I had to believe. It was crucial for the magic to work. If I didn’t believe, I wouldn’t receive the benefit of the magic. For some reason, my believing was essential to the work of this all-seeing, ubiquitous, yet practically invisible person. It finally occurred to me one day that this person is totally made up. Whom am I talking about? I can think of a couple of options for whom this description fits very well. But at this point in my life my conclusions about both are the same: If you have to believe in something for it to become real in any practical sense, it’s probably just in your head.” If You Have to Believe, It Probably Isn’t Real – godless in dixie
“What difference does God make?
About a year ago a friend and Episcopal priest, told me her atheist friend asked her this question. She found it harder to answer than she expected. He had batted away her first few attempts and she was now running it by me. We didn’t end up discussing it for very long but the question has stayed with me. Recently I decided I would find out, by living for a year without God.” A Year Without God: A Former Pastor’s Journey Into Atheism – A Year Without God
“The irony is that we were told that women who dress immodestly will be objectified by the men around them, and that dressing modestly ensured that you would be seen as a person rather than a piece of flesh when in reality we were actually actively taught to reduce women dressed “immodestly” to nothing more than their bodies, to see only midriff and cleavage and therefore disrespect and dehumanize them. We weren’t taught to see them as people but as sluts, whores, and home-wreckers. We were the ones objectifying, judging, degrading. We were the ones we were warning them about.
What is actually taught is disrespect for women, disgust even—unless, of course, they live up to proper purity standards. Those good, proper pure women, they should be respected, and even placed on a pedestal. Those other women? Forget it. And I’ve rarely seen this as clearly stated as in that World Net Daily article.” When “Respect” Involves “Disgust” – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Guthrie’s model, when added up, presents a picture of humans as intelligent, socially aware animals whose evolutionary history has pressured us to be hyperalert to signals of agency and intelligence in our environment. Since we’re intuitive dualists, this intelligence doesn’t always have to be connected to a body, which means our minds are free to detect agency in the shapes of clouds, in meaningful coincidences, and in experiences we interpret as answered prayers. Together, these proclivities lay the cognitive foundation for the universal human tendency to believe in gods and spirits – the core of religion, according to most cognitive scientists of religion.” Is religion anthropomorphism? – Science on Religion
“People understand their orientation (who they’re attracted to). And people understand their behavior (who they’ve been sexual with). What they have trouble with is their identity (what to call themselves) if they don’t neatly fit into one of those three boxes.
And if you’re like me and don’t find yourself comfortably fitting into any of those labels, you can be left with this panic like, “WELL WHO AM I AND WHAT IS LIFE AND IS THERE EVEN A GOD?”
As a person who struggled for most of her life trying to find a label (and therefore has had to come out, like, three times already), I totally understand the desire to have your feelings validated with a label that says, “This Is Who I Am, and My Experience is Valid.”
But the secret that no one is telling you is this: This is who you are, and your experience is valid – with or without a label affixed.” I Think I Might Not Be Straight – So What Am I? – Everyday Feminism
“We need more resources that teach men how to transform masculinity to make it more responsive, less violent, and more inclusive of the tremendous diversity of masculinities that can exist.” #BeThatGuy: 7+ Everyday Ways Men Can Transform Masculinity – Everyday Feminism
“These kinds of things matter – they add a huge, extra layer of advantage to the more tangible ones that wealth so directly provides. They open doors for you – doors that are generally already pretty much ajar to the privileged but shut, locked and bolted against anyone else. They make it far, far easier to take advantage of opportunities – and when you add it to the safety nets that wealth and connections provide they make life much, much easier.
And yet, somehow, a great many people who are privileged seem to forget this – indeed, they seem to think exactly the opposite. They convince themselves that they have made successes of their lives from raw talent and intelligence and that everyone else who hasn’t succeeded must have failed either because they’re too stupid – as the recent speech of Boris Johnson seems to suggest – or too lazy (as the whole ‘strivers vs scroungers’ agenda supposes) or because they’ve made terrible decisions, can’t budget and so forth.” A few words on privilege… – Paul Bernal’s Blog
“Of all people in America, adult, white, heterosexual men have the fewest friends. Moreover, the friendships they have, if they’re with other men, provide less emotional support and involve lower levels of self-disclosure and trust than other types of friendships. When men get together, they’re more likely to do stuff than have a conversation. Friendship scholar Geoffrey Greif callsthese “shoulder-to-shoulder” friendships, contrasting them to the “face-to-face” friendships that many women enjoy. If a man does have a confidant, three–quarters of the time it’s a woman, and there’s a good chance she’s his wife or girlfriend.” American men’s hidden crisis: They need more friends! – Salon
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