Link Love (2014-01-18)
Teens Today No Longer Ask Each Other Out In Person…So What? – Role / Reboot
“Often, we are taught from a young age how to recognize abusive romantic relationships. But friendships as vehicles for abuse almost never cross our cultural radar.
As a general rule, romantic relationships take social precedence over friendships. And because people assume that friends aren’t capable of abuse (since, supposedly, they lack the degree of intimacy and emotional access that a partner would have), toxic friendships often go unnoticed.
Friendships are perceived as life’s safety net, free of the responsibility and seriousness of relationships. For a friendship to be justifiably in question, a betrayal of epic soap opera proportions must occur.
Consequently, toxic friendships can become a hotbed of emotional and psychological microagressions because our desire to leave them is never validated or supported.
If friendships aren’t as legitimate as relationships, then any hypothetical trauma they could cause can’t possibly be genuine, right?” Identifying Toxic Friendships: 5 Questions and Next Steps – Everyday Feminism
The 20 Essential Habits of Highly Passionate People – Wake Up Cloud
“Cain was responding to a listener’s question, explaining that introverts can be extremely, genuinely social–even for long periods of time–and enjoy being so. But for true introverts, putting on this extroverted front over a period of days or weeks isexhausting.
Cain says this phenomenon has a name: it’s “emotional labor,” and it describes what you experience any time that you’re faking an emotion or an attitude that you don’t truly feel.” Susan Cain tells introverts how to survive the holidays – Modern Mrs Darcy
DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #48: Write Like A Motherfucker – The Rumpus
“Michael systematically robs parents of any parenting tool other than “the rod,” all the while clobbering them over the head with Bible verses and insisting that children actually want to be whipped. He uses words like beautiful, and loving, and contentment. There are different words coming to my mind, words like twisted, and ugly, and evil.” TTUAC: The “Magic Wand” – Love, Joy, Feminism
5 Ways Christmas and Hanukkah Co-Opted Paganism – Care2
“So to summarize: Jones believes in God because a bunch of statistics that he made up without doing any research show that a lot of people believe in some form of a higher power. Even though a lot of those people are polytheists, Muslim, and think Jones’ beliefs are completely ridiculous.
By the way, want to know why I’m an atheist? Because I’ve considered the evidence and concluded that none of it points to a higher power. I didn’t just look to what everyone else was doing and assume they’re right.
It turns out the majority can be wrong about a lot of things.” This May Be the Worst Argument Ever Made for Why You Should Believe in God – Friendly Atheist
“This is why atheists are so frightening to Evangelicals. Baptists may dislike Muslims and Hindus but at least they believe in some kind of god(s). Atheists reject the very notion of faith itself, and that, it would seem, is the unpardonable sin. Wayward sinners have their place in Evangelical churches. Shoot, even prostitutes and criminals can find a place in church because their kind are featured prominently in the story of Jesus. But someone who doesn’t even see validity in faith at all? That scares the living daylights out of most Evangelicals. That cuts to the core of what Evangelical Christianity is about. That makes atheists the most viscerally repulsive people of all.” Having Faith in Faith – godless in dixie
“In short? We have potential. We make choices. We change. We grow. Many of us have the potential to be different to what we are- and maybe someday we will. Or we won’t. Life is complicated, and it sends us in unexpected directions sometimes.
The idea of ‘born this way’ ignores all of that. ’Born this way’ introduces the idea that we have no choice in who we are, who we love, and what we do.
On one hand, it encourages a horrible narrative in supporting equality- the idea that we simply can’t help who we are. Who, it asks, would ever choose such a terrible fate as to be queer? If we could be cishet we would, right? ‘Born this way’ doesn’t challenge heteronormative ideals of the superiority of particular relationship forms. It doesn’t celebrate anything about queerness- not the relationships we have, the cultures and families we create, and the things we have to teach cishet society. Instead, it asks for ‘normal’ people’s pity. Don’t be mean to us. We can’t help it. We were born this way.
That’s not the only way, though, in which the ‘born this way’ narrative- and it is a narrative, which emphasises certain aspects of queer experience while ignoring and erasing others- bolsters heteronormativity. You see, ‘born this way’ also reinforces the separation between straightness and queerness. If we are ‘born this way’, than, by extension, straight people are not. If we are born this way, then we are, and are destined to always remain, different from the norm. An exception, distinctly separate from the rule, made so by an accident of birth. If we are born this way, we pose no threat or challenge to gender norms or heteronormativity- we’re nothing more than abberations. A minority who will always stay that way, and always be slightly apart.” The Overwhelming Heteronormativity of ‘Born This Way’ – Consider the Tea Cosy
On Male Privilege – Everyday Feminism
“The stereotype of women sabotaging birth control to secure a wealthy man is so pervasive that it is an official topic of discussion during the NBA’s weeklong orientation program for rookie players. But according to reports, women are more likely to be victims of birth control sabotage than men. Surveys conducted by anti-violence groups of survivors of domestic abuse have found contraception sabotage to be so widespread that there’s now a term for it: reproductive coercion.” Should Birth Control Sabotage Be Considered a Crime? – The Daily Beast
How My Past As A Black Woman Informs Me As A Black Male Feminist – Everyday Feminism
“Last year at this time, I found a graphic online that explained “How To Tell If A Toy Is For Boys or Girls.” The first question was: “Do you operate the toy with your genitalia?” If the answer was “yes,” then “the toy is not for children.” If the answer was “no,” then “the toy is either for girls or boys.”
That’s how it is in our house. Our children – both boys – are allowed to like the colors, clothing, toys and hobbies of their choice. Things aren’t “for girls” or “for boys.” Our children know that and appreciate that – and so do their friends who play free of gender policing at our house, but don’t enjoy the same freedom at home. But my sons see things differently in the pages of the toy catalogs of all major U.S. brands.” My son is getting an American Girl Doll for Christmas – Salon
It’s a Mommy’s World: Exposing Dadscrimination – Everyday Feminism
Beauty & Body Image
“For me, that hypocritical blind spot is comparing my body to others, and specifically to celebrities. This is actually really embarrassing for me to admit, because it seems like it should be such an easy thing to overcome. Unlike other body image issues that are steeped in complex emotions that may take years to unpack, the logic of comparing your body to celebrities can be debunked by a few simple facts. I’ve written about it before. I know that images in magazines are heavily edited. I know that celebrities have entire teams dedicated to making them look perfect. I know that articles about how to get Jessica Alba’s abs by doing specialized crunches are complete and utter bullshit. I know that our body shapes are determined almost entirely by genetics and that I could do 1000 crunches a day for 100 years and still never have Jessica Alba’s abs. Not to mention the fact that I’m sure Jessica Alba is very fond of her abs and would prefer to keep them for herself.” Mirror, Mirror: Letting Go of Celebrity Body Comparisons – The Frisky
“First and foremost, I don’t love my own body truly, completely, at all times, every day. And I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t expect anyone else to do so, either. I try to think lovingly about my body, be gentle with myself, forgive. I also try to push back against messages that tell me I’m not good enough, thin enough, tan enough, sculpted enough, young enough. For me, the goal is not a constant state of active, positive body love. It is a state of body neutrality. I spent many years actively hating my body so much that walking by mirrors filled me with loathing. It was exhausting and pointless. I am much happier now that I don’t feel that way anymore but I would never say that I’ve moved from active hate to constant, steady, active love. I accept my body. I know that hating it is a poor use of my energy, of which there is relatively little these days. I am content to feel body neutral, and to occasionally reach for something that feels more like body love.” Body Neutrality – Already Pretty
“Snark sells and it is hard to resist because putting someone else down — especially someone rich and famous and beautiful — can create a momentary rush of pleasure. But what is gained in the long run? A culture that continues to judge women on their appearances and fashion choices above all else. A culture that teaches its daughters to laugh at their peers and point and snicker and shame and alienate. A culture that pits women against each other as if there is a limited amount of beauty, success or talent in the world and someone else’s overwhelming good fortune makes it less likely that you’ll get some for yourself.” Snark Sells: Why I Refused to Focus on the Negative on the Red Carpet – Sally McGraw – Huffington Post
Dairy Intolerance: What It Is and How to Determine If You Have It – Mark’s Daily Apple
The Many Stinging Nettle Benefits – Natural Health
How to Hack Your Sleep: The Art and Science of Sleeping – Bulletproof Executive
Flu Busting Gummy Bears Recipe – Wellness Mama
Boozy Chocolate Hazelnut and Orange Truffles – Nourished Kitchen
Buttergrog, Buttery Mulled Cider – Neo-Homesteading
Maple Tarragon Glazed Carrots Recipe – Wellness Mama
Pecan Pie – The Paleo Mom
Moroccan Meatball and Egg Tagine – Mark’s Daily Apple