Link Love (2014-02-25)
“No. I didn’t know. I didn’t know or think any of this. I was a kid who got good grades and went to college and worked hard. I thought everybody had the experience I was having with alcohol. I thought I was “having fun” like everybody else.
And by the time I realized I was in trouble, I couldn’t stop.
By the time I realized I couldn’t stop, I COULDN’T STOP.
And that, my friends, is the piece you’re missing: By the time we realize we’re dying, we’re dying. By the time we begin to suspect a problem, we are in the grip of a deadly disease, a disease that lives in the body and the mind. The body demands more – aches and screams and begs for more; the mind says “You’ll die if you don’t have more. It will be okay this time. Just one more time, Janelle.”” We don’t start with a needle in our arms – Renegade Mothering
“If there isn’t a proverb about how you have to live abroad to find out how *insert nationality here* you really are, it should be invented. This is it: We don’t beat around the bush. We do things to get somewhere. And if someone asks us how we are, we tell them. Only “Not so well/Happy because my best friend just had a baby/A bit constipated” aren’t acceptable answers in England, where you’re not meant to answer that question at all. For the first five years, I kept getting it wrong, and beat myself up about not fitting in. After that, I started doing it for fun. Nothing brightens my day like seeing the panic on a polite Englishperson’s face upon being told a shockingly personal story of various mishaps in the recent life of a German immigrant. Theoretically, you could spend hours torturing your Englishperson, since English Politeness Rules forbid any sign of rudeness, which includes walking away from a conversation. But we don’t want to be rude either.” Expat Ramblings: English Politeness – Persephone Magazine
“You can’t step back to clarify what your Most Important Tasks are unless you realize you’re procrastinating in the first place. You can’t break a task into small steps unless you realize you’re dreading the task. You can’t clear away distractions unless you realize you’ve been following the urge to go to these distractions.
Awareness is everything with procrastination. The problem isn’t finding solutions to procrastination — it’s being aware of what’s going on in the first place.” Procrastination is a Mindfulness Problem – zen habits
“But I am starting to think that’s just not the case. Because I really don’t see how I could have continued to educate myself, continue to grow into adulthood, and still do the dishonest things intellectually necessary to say Christianity is true. I would inevitably have come across certain arguments I now know, only later, even if it took a longer time for the cumulative effect of them wearing me down to happen. But so long as I remained on the path of thinking about theology and philosophy, I cannot see it leading me to anywhere but atheism. There’s a conceivable world where I just never dove in with all my mind into the subjects in the first place. I could have gone the route of psychology instead. But even there, I think I would have seen through the smoke and mirrors of the faith. Only were I unable to go to school could I imagine not studying enough about how the world works to possibly avoid becoming an atheist.
But for so long as I was going to pursue the Christian God, I was going to come up empty.
It really is the only honest option.
I really can’t see my scrupulously earnest and honest self winding up with a different conclusion. I am having a harder and harder time seeing myself in adult believers. I am starting to realize it matters decisively, not just incidentally, that I did not grow upto become one of them. They are not my alternate universe selves. They are stillbelievers precisely because they’re different than me. They have different values and make fundamentally different choices.” Since My Deconversion: I Think I’ve Been in Denial About Christian Insincerity – Camels With Hammers
“I’ve talked before about the problems caused by the emphasis on authority (submit, obey, don’t ask questions) and the emphasis on modesty (which is closely related to the idea that if a woman was raped she must have been “asking for it”). But there’s something else going on here too. One of the Bob Jones University rape victims quoted above stated that “the person who supposedly counseled me told me if I reported a person like that to the police, I was damaging the cause of Christ.” Tchividjian wrote that another missions agency GRACE investigated that the organization ”emphasized the saving of souls at the expense of children,” and the same principle is in action here again.” “They said if you report it, you hurt the body of Christ” – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Thirty years ago today, a 15 year old girl died giving birth alone in a grotto beneath a statue to the Virgin Mary. The scandal shocked conservative Ireland and cast light on a darker side of Ireland. An Ireland where to be unmarried and pregnant was a deep shame to be kept hidden. An Ireland where girls were forced to keep children they didn’t want and couldn’t raise. An Ireland where the judgement of the Church was to be feared. An Ireland where narrow minded dogma was held above the suffering of women. An Ireland where Mary was no protection for many girls abandoned and neglected by society.” In Memory of Ann Lovett – Robert Nielsen
“That’s exactly what it is, because the implication behind it is that it’s somehow bad or undesirable if your kids turn out gay. As a kid who turned out gay, I refuse to accept that.
Let’s say, despite all common sense, that gay parents were more likely to raise gay kids. So does that mean we shouldn’t be allowed to have families? Because the world would have—gasp—more gay people as a result? Nevermind that these would be happy, well-adjusted gay people raised by loving families. Just the fact that they were gay would suggest to some people that they weren’t parented properly.
And that’s not a homophobic position?” Being a Gay Parent Doesn’t Mean My Kids Will Be Gay. But So What If They Are? – Role / Reboot
“Maybe the most surprising thing about this experiment in being judicious about whom I retweet is how little has changed. I just pay a little bit of attention before I tap on the icon in my Twitter app, but it’s been effortless to make the switch, and has gotten me far more “thanks for the retweet!” messages than I used to get.” The Year I Didn’t Retweet Men – Medium
“Living with this constant sense of insecurity, the nagging fear that they are insufficiently masculine, prompts men to overreact out of fear that others may detect their lack. Traditional masculinity comes with an inborn hierarchical structure, and one can only keep one’s place by taking it from another; part of being “alpha”, after all, is to be dominant over other men. This need to continually reaffirm one’s masculine credentials means that you literally cannot relax; you are forever in danger of having your own man-card taken away by other men. It creates a culture where the need to assert power over others is all-important, even when those others are just glowing phosphors on a monitor.” Defining a Modern Masculinity – Paging Dr NerdLove
“Going back to that definition of ‘kangaroo court’, the key aspect is that kangaroo courts, when they occur, actually do try and convict people. They are impromptu, outside the legal process, probably prejudiced, and have doubtless resulted in many innocent people being imprisoned or killed as a result. But that’s isn’t what Twitter is. Twitter is not a court in any sense, kangaroo or otherwise. The people who tweeted #IBelieveDylanFarrow are not condemning Woody Allen to jail or the electric chair. At the most, they – we – are expressing our horror at the actions we believe he performed, and maybe when his next film comes out we won’t pay to go and see it. Maybe we won’t want to watch any Allen movies again, because it’s going to be difficult to enjoy them now.” Twitter, kangaroo court and Woody Allen – Fausterella
“Too often, we keep parts of ourselves sequestered – the parts of ourselves that we don’t know what to do with. Our inconvenient truths. The parts of ourselves that won’t sit quietly and play well with others.
For many years, I hid parts of myself away. Mostly because I didn’t know what to do with them, but also because I had learned that they were too much and that people didn’t really like me very much when I became too much. I also hid them away because deep in my heart I told myself the story that I was unworthy.” Unencumbered Truth: Burning With Desire – Mara Glatzel
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