Link Love (2014-06-28)

Thought-provoking

“You say they are “sensitive,” aka, easily offended, which it sounds like they wield as a manipulation tool.  Let’s break this down, shall we? They repeatedly act like total clods, leaving you to pay their tab, and thenthey are the ones who are offended if you bring it up? Like “how dare you be so crass as to mention money“? And you are sort of …not allowed…to get offended yourself at their behavior? They are taking advantage of the social contract that says it’s rude to call attention to rude behavior, and deliberately trying to make it emotionally expensive for you to challenge them so they can keep enjoying the status quo where you take on the entire financial and emotional burden. So what’s the worst thing that could happen if they get really offended? Is it worth it to you to keep paying for them to avoid Mount Offended from erupting? Or is it time to pick the “You can’t actually be serious” fight you’ve been itching to have? Only you and your husband can decide what feels right, just know: It will never change on its own. They will never get it on their own. Hints do not work, they just create a sea of plausible deniability for clueless and malicious people to swim around in.” #586: Splitting the bill with people who always forget their wallet – Captain Awkward

Can Rational Arguments Actually Change People’s Minds? – LifeHacker

“Research consistently confirms that our sense of self-efficacy will predict short-term and long-term success in behavior change. In other words, if we believe we can make a change, we’re much more likely to actually have success in making change happen. If under the facade of wanting change, however, we ultimately feel we’re incapable of accepting or sticking to the necessary behaviors, we’re sabotaging ourselves from the start.” Do You Really Believe You Can Change – Mark’s Daily Apple

“I talk a lot about the importance of self-awareness when it comes to dating. Self-awareness is a vital skill; it’s part of what helps us recognize unhelpful patterns in our lives. It’s what makes us conscious about possible issues we may have that might be off-putting to others. It also makes us aware of our good qualities – something that a lot of people1 are very bad at.
But one of the key components of being self-aware of one’s flaws is the willingness to addressthem. Something I’ve run into frequently – and believe me, this is something that spans all genders and orientations -is the idea that being aware of an issue somehow excuses you from having it. I have heard people say verbatim “Yes, I’m a bitch/asshole, but I know I am, so it’s OK.”” How Do I Quit Being Insecure? – Ask Dr NerdLove

Religion

“But what about others? Aren’t there people who experienced legalism or had negative experiences with other Christians and became atheists as a result? We need to set one myth at rest for good here. People do not become atheists because they are angry at God. If someone is angry at god, they, uh, clearly believe there actually is a God to believe in. Which means they’re not atheists. Now yes, there are some who conclude that there is no God after experiencing great loss. This isn’t about being angry at God, though. This is about concluding, based on one’s experiences, that there does not appear to be a God. And that’s not the same thing.” I. Don’t. Think. He’s. There. – Love, Joy, Feminism

“A couple of months ago I was having one of those long Facebook discussions on my timeline when someone brought up how unpopular it is to be Christian in the culture today. They felt a little beat up by someone who expressed their negative views about Christianity in some admittedly broad-brushed ways. Naturally, in the midst of my Year Without God, I was not prone to sympathize with him. I found myself making the following comparison: Christians complaining about religious discrimination in America is like white people complaining about “reverse racism.” It’s a basic category mistake. Racism is, by definition, a white problem (and I’m using the word “white” in a sociological sense, before everyone throws their hands up and says, #NotAllWhitePeople). Black people can exhibit racial bias like everyone else, but as a structural problem, there is no reverse racism. It doesn’t exist. White people are privileged. I’m not asking our frat boy friend, Tal Fortgang, or anyone else to apologize for their privilege. I’ve tried that myself and it just leads to loads of self-recrimination and I’m good enough at that already). But I am asking for people to acknowledge their privilege. And then, once you’ve acknowledged it (the first step is admitting you have a problem) take steps to level the playing field in whatever ways are available to you. And by all means, don’t make excuses for white people. You just embarrass us all.” Please, let’s not start with the #NotAllChristians foolishness – Year Without God

“Just like it is with Hell. The only difference between having giant wasps coming to mutilate you day and night and being thrown into a lake of fire where you will be burned alive day and night for eternity is the number of people who pass along such madness to their children. Is it loving for them to do that? Is that really the right question we should be asking? Is it possible that such a fate really awaits those who don’t believe the right things? Are you kidding me with this? Why does your grotesque horrific belief deserve respect and Fritz’s doesn’t? Because more people were taught yours? You got anything better than that? Because from where I’m standing, I see harm. I see nightmares and I see not-so-subtle instances of psychological abuse happening all over the place and I see no reason to sit idly by while people keep doing this to malleable young children. It’s an awful, horrible fear tactic used to intimidate people and coerce them into conformity to a group and to a prescribed set of beliefs. And frankly, I find it despicable. It doesn’t erase the harm you are causing that you love the people upon whom you foist this social and psychological mistreatment. If that is love, it is indistinguishable in practice from hate. It matters little what feelings motivate you if the end result is harm. It should stop, either way.” Is It Loving to Warn People About Hell? – Godless in Dixie

“It is true, I think, that a dominant faction does not willingly give up its power or peel back its own privilege. It is the marginalized and the downtrodden who rise up and say “No more,” and make no mistake: these marginalized and downtrodden people have to force progress to happen. If we wait until the dominant faction is damned well good and ready to give up its power and peel back its own privilege, we will be waiting a very, very long time. It takes being uppity and being absolutely positive of one thing and one thing only: that we are worthy of these same considerations. Moreover, we are sure that those who achieve ease and luxury and privilege at the expense of others do not deserve those things at all. That everybody deserves a home where they can feel safe and welcome.” The Unequally Yoked Club: It’s My House Too – Roll to Disbelieve

Equality

“Stop asking people’s clothing to have sex with you, and start asking people.” – Feministing

“Men, after all, are taught that they’re not allowed to be victims… especially by someone perceived as being “weaker” than they are. To be a “man” is to be strong; allowing a woman (or a “fag” – gay men, after all, are automatically seen as weak and “feminine” in traditional masculinity) to hurt you means that you clearly aren’t a man. And if the abuse is emotional… what, are you letting some names bother you? Letting some woman bully you? Say mean things? Hurt your feelings? What are you, some kind of pussy? It can be difficult for a man to find someone willing to believe that they’re a victim of abuse. The prevailing image of “man as aggressor” or “men are stronger” leads to the common belief that he’s somehow “earned” his abuse by provoking his abuser. Other times, they fear – with justification – being ignored or mocked for “allowing” their partner to hurt them. In the popular portrayal of the henpecked husband, the man is frequently shown as being a weakling who’s incapable of standing up to his wife and thus “earns” his abuse as punishment for being so weak and unmasculine. All of this means that authorities are less likely to take reports of domestic violence with a male victim seriously. As is frequently the case with male victims of rape, male victims of domestic abuse are often told it’s “not that bad” or that they “must be ok with it”; after all, they could always defend themselves against the “little lady”, right?” Invisible Victims: Men In Abusive Relationships – Paging Dr NerdLove

Art History: Women Ignoring Men – The Toast

“We ask them all kinds of questions to illustrate just how skeptical we are that this queer phenomenon could actually exist, so skeptical that sciencehas had to step in to prove that yes, this is actually a thing.” 8 Questions to Stop Asking Bisexuals – Everyday Feminism

Beauty & Body Image

“Can you even fathom what that is doing to females everywhere? It stunts our progress in every way that really matters. It keeps us from getting awesome grades, reaching for the coolest possible jobs, raising our hands in class, playing sports and exercising, running for political offices, loving each other and loving ourselves. And that’s not just Beauty Redefined’s take on things. Research shows us that when we live “to be looked at” in a perpetual state of self-consciousness about our looks, we are left with fewer mental and physical resources to do what can really bring happiness. We perform worse on math tests, logical reasoning tests, athletic performance, we have lower sexual assertiveness (the ability to say “no” when needed), and we are left anxious and unhappy.*” Running From Self-Objectification – Beauty Redefined

Defining Your Body – Already Pretty

“So, in summary, BEAUTY in the world matters a lot. Beauty in the form of how you make yourself look on the day-to-day matters only insofar as you’re doing things the way you want to do them. And anything that makes you a little less freaked out about death, and/or more inclined to enjoy the full pleasures of life, matters the most. What those things are is totally up to you. Basically: Find beauty wherevs! ” Oh! You Pretty Things – Rookie

“There’s no way there can’t be [issues] if you’re only offering three sizes versus 12,” Salinger said. “I don’t think that’s perfecting a size. I think that’s giving less options for too many body types.” ‘Alpha Size’ Clothes May Be Good for Retailers But Not for Shoppers – International Business Times

50% More: Body Confidence – Operation Beautiful

“At one point I was whinging to my amazing stylist, airing my frustration that I couldn’t get my hair to look exactly the same every single day. And her response was simple, and something I’d heard many times before. But hearing it at that moment from the person who cut and styled my hair struck me. Hard.
She said, “Well, everyone has bad hair days.”” Everyone Has Bad Hair Days – Sally McGraw

Inspirational

4 Ways to Know Yourself and Find What You Need – Everyday Feminism

“Each time we open a circle and neglect to close it, our mind is holding it somewhere. The psychological weight of all those half-finished projects and nagging should-dos add up. Who among us hasn’t felt irritable or depressed after a week of multitasking or a day when we failed to cross anything off our to-do list? When you constantly leave things unfinished, your poor brain never gets a break. It’s continually holding room for “that thing I still need to do.”” The Power of Closing Circles – Beautiful Living

Are You Too Tired to Love Your Life? My Top 3 Tips to Refresh and Reboot Your Mind and Your Body – Modern Married

“Life is a process, not just one moment of clarity. Though those moments help the process get easier. Life is much more like a novel than a movie. We have page after page of decisions and ideas and reflections before we get to the end.” 5 Things Not To Do When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed – Modern Married

25 Meaningful Questions for Meaningful Relationships – Chronic Resilience

Should makes you a perfectionist. It makes you grandiose (“I am capable of achieving these impossible standards!”) even as it undercuts your self-esteem (“I did not achieve these impossible standards, thus I am a loser”). We beat ourselves up with our shoulds and because the way we treat ourselves is the way we treat others, we beat our loved ones with those shoulds as well.” creating yourself: the art of healthy boundaries – Justine Musk

Health

7 Nighttime Rituals to Help You Unwind, Relax, and Chill Out – Mark’s Daily Apple

5 Unusual Ways to Medidate for Simple Daily De-Stressing – Tiny Buddha

Is Gluten Sensitivity Real – Chris Kresser

The WHYs behind the Autoimmune Protocol: Alcohol – The Paleo Mom

Recipes

Kombucha Berry Popsicle – Phoenix Helix

Mango Sorbet with Mint – Meatified

Perfect Pitcher Drink Recipe: Blueberry Lavender Vodka Spritzer – The Kitcn

Cinnamon Chocolate Bread – Civilized Caveman Cooking Creations

Simple Medicine: Sage and Honey Cough Syrup – And Here We Are

Grilled Steak Salad with Creamy Balsamic Vinaigrette – Thank Your Body

Coconut Lime Ginger Chicken – AIP Lifestyle

Berry Delicious Candy – The Paleo Pi

Probiotic Lemonade – Wellness Mama

Homemade Chai Tea (Hot or Iced) – Gimme Some Oven

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