Link Love (2014-08-30)
“One of the most vital components to creating a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship is to become a master at setting boundaries in relationships. In simple terms, boundaries are the thing that keeps us separate from the other person. The boundaries are what set the place between where you end and the other person begins.” 6 Steps to Setting Boundaries in Relationships – Jennifer Twardowski
“Studies have shown that although self-compassion involves forgiving yourself for mistakes, it doesn’t make people any less likely to strive high. In fact, people with high levels of self-compassion are more likely to want to improve than those with high self-esteem. Self-compassion puts mistakes into perspective, but also makes us more likely to see our weaknesses as being changeable, whereas those with high self-esteem tend to attribute weaknesses and mistakes to external influences.” Practice Self-Compassion to Improve How You Feel About Yourself – LifeHacker
“When you and your partner laugh together, you put defenses on hold and open yourself up to a new kind of connection. All that giggling deepens emotional intimacy and allows greater trust to take hold.
So don’t be afraid to cultivate the inside joke.
To have kitchen dance parties and even the occasional food fight.
Life is short. Spend it laughing with the one you love.” The Happy Couples Secret Weapon – Danielle Dowling
“See, sex and being sexual compatibility are one of the most important parts of maintaining a relationship. In fact, it’s one of the most common reasons why relationships end. But at the same time, sex remains incredibly important to relationships… right up until it suddenly isn’t. When we complain about being dissatisfied with our sex-lives then you rish plunging head-first into a wall of razor-sharp judgement from just about everyone around you. If the sexual dissatisfaction doesn’t conform to a very specific narrative… well, you’re really being selfish at best and a perv at worst.” Are You Sexually Compatible? – Dr NerdLove
“So the most important question for someone who wants to be successful today—and far into the future—is this: How do you evolve? To be more specific, how do you explore your passions and your creativity, and how do you figure out ways to continually develop or reinvent yourself and your businesses—both in a creative way, and to have a creative edge?” The Most Important Question for Someone Who Wants to be Succesful: How Do You Evolve? – Live in the Grey
“4. Agree heartily; disagree softly. When someone agrees with you, it establishes an instant bond. Suddenly, you both have something in common. However, the strongest professional relationships exhibit mutual respect and admiration, even in disagreements. Tolerance and respect for others, especially when they disagree with you, is vital to successful networking. If you strongly disagree with someone’s opinion, softly communicate that you don’t see it the same way. Ask questions and allow the person to fully express his or her reasoning.” 6 Ways to Improve Your Conversations – Entrepreneur
“Religion in America is a touchy topic. Professor, scientist, and outspoken atheist Richard Dawkins caused an outcry when, in his book The God Delusion, he said religious indoctrination was a form of child abuse. His statement raises a question of whether it’s possible for children to have a religious upbringing that is not indoctrination. The answer to the question depends partly upon the nature of belief. Plato is often credited with the statement that knowledge is justified true belief. If a belief is true and one has justification to back it up, the belief is considered knowledge.
Religion, however, is stuck in the belief stage because of the reliance on faith. Without a logical framework, religion never becomes knowledge. Convincing a child that religion is true requires that the child suspend his or her rational thought.” How I Went from Being a Southern Baptist Preacher’s Daughter to an Open Atheist – Alternet
“And there it is. This is Michael’s argument—wives are to obey their husbands, even if their husbands are cruel and abusive, even if obeying their husbands means years or decades of unjust suffering. Why? Because God. And you know what? God’s a-okay with women married to abusive husbands suffering wrongfully. In fact, he thinks it’s totes awesome.” CTBHHM: It Is Acceptable to God – Love, Joy, Feminism
“The problem is that for most of U.S. history, Christians haven’t been persecuted—at least not in comparison to early believers or even what Christians in places like Iraq face today. So, the question for American Christians is what to make of the Bible’s warning that we will be persecuted. For many evangelicals, the lack of very public and dramatic persecution could be interpreted as a sign that they just aren’t faithful enough: If they were persecuted, they could be confident they are saved. This creates an incentive to interpret personal experiences and news events as signs of oppression, which are ostensibly validations of our commitment to Christ. The danger of this view is that believers can come to see victimhood as an essential part of their identity.” The Evangelical Persecution Complex – The Atlantic
11 Things Atheists Couldn’t Do – Huffington Post
“I am hurt.
This is a portrait of the woman, hurt by some of the very things she was taught would save her.
It’s not just about my irregular hymen. That makes for a dramatic story, of course, and it was anguishing to live.
But even if my husband and I had fully, awkwardly consummated our marriage on our wedding night, I would still be angry.
Because my sexuality is mine. It is a part of me. It is mine to know, to enjoy, to create life with.
And the church made it not-mine.
I believed that if I waited to have sex, I would be handing my husband a priceless gift.
But the reality is that I gave my sexuality to the church — or to God, if that sits better with you. And therefore it was not mine to give to anyone else. I didn’t have a clue about how my body worked, about anything but the very basic mechanics of sex.
And I think that for a woman to reach her marriage bed without a working knowledge of her sexuality — without knowing what makes her tick, sigh, moan, orgasm — she has nothing to give to her husband but a passive piece of flesh.
An unknowledgeable, fearful woman lying flinching on a mattress is not much of a gift at all.” Sex and Marriage: Thoughts on Waiting – Beth Morey
“Finally, he had his “come to Jesus” moment and the bell rang. This would be his civil-rights struggle. He would serve women in their darkest moment of need. “The protesters say they’re opposed to abortion because they’re Christian,” Parker says. “It’s hard for them to accept that I do abortions because I’m a Christian.” He gave up obstetrics to become a full-time abortionist on the day, five years ago, that George Tiller was murdered in church.” The Abortion Ministry of Dr. Willie Parker – Esquire
Study: Women More Likely to be Lied to in Negotiations than Men – Time
“Sports is a fandom. It requires zealous attention to “seasons,” knowledge of details considered obscure to those not involved in that fandom, unbelievable amounts of merchandise, and even “fanfic” in the form of fantasy teams. But this is a masculine-coded fandom. And as such, it’s encouraged – built into our economy! Have you *seen* Dish network’s “ultimate fan” advertisements, which literally base selling of a product around the normalization of all consuming (male) obsession? Or the very existence of sports bars, built around the link between fans and community enjoyment and analysis. Sport fandom is so ingrained in our culture that major events are treated like holidays (my gym closes for the Super Bowl) — and can you imagine being laughed at for admitting you didn’t know the difference between Supernatural and The X Files the way you might if you admit you don’t know the rules of football vs baseball, or basketball?
“Fandom” is not childish but we live in a culture that commodified women’s time in such away that their hobbies have to be “frivolous,” because “mature” women’s interests are supposed to be marriage, family, and overall care taking: things that allow others to continue their own special interests, while leaving women without a space of their own.” Do you ever think you’ll stop drawing fanart? – Danielle Lavigne
“Gay’s book addresses the cognitive dissonance many young feminists feel in the 21st century: the internal conflict between feminist ideals and the realities of the imperfect self. We feel shame or shamed for engaging in certain politically incorrect behaviors. This feminist “imposter syndrome” has the effect of robbing women of personal autonomy, ironically defeating the purpose of feminism entirely.” This Is Why You’re a ‘Bad Feminist’ – xoJane
Beauty & Body Image
“Why this fascination with the woman who doesn’t know she’s beautiful, the idealization of low self-esteem? It orients the singer as a savior — the sensitive soul whom this girl, who has been slaving away day in and day out in front of a mirror that just won’t reveal the beauty she longs to see, desperately requires. These aren’t songs for young men, who, theoretically, could listen and reconsider their standards of female beauty. These are songs for girls who get the message that insecurity has romantic value, if only because it’s the necessary setup to the grand moment in which they find the boys who — god bless them! — finally pull them out of it.
By all means, write songs about how beautiful women are. Write songs about how beautiful men are too! (Incidentally, if you’re unsure how specifically gendered this trope is: Try to imagine a song in which a female singer says just how much she wants to make a guy “feel beautiful.”) But don’t assume we’re uncomfortable in our skin just because we dress it up when we present it to the world. Don’t tell us we don’t know we’re beautiful, and certainly don’t tell us that our ignorance to this fact is our best quality. We’re good.” Let’s Stop Singing Songs About Women Who Don’t Know They’re Beautiful – Buzzfeed
“Sometimes we don’t want to do the things that we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of healthy behaviors using the bright and shiny language of wanting to feel good all the time – making our not wanting to do it mean that it’s not right for us.
But, we don’t always want to do the things that we need to do to take care of ourselves.” Body Love & Radical Self-Responsibility: Holding the Framework – Mara Glatzel
10 Things You Need to Deal With (That You’ve Been Avoiding) – Nicole Liloia
“Self-care, you see, isn’t about the frills. It is about your ability to function in a positive, productive way in the world. Let’s face it. We’ve all heard this sound advice for when things go south on every airline flight we’ve ever taken: if you are traveling with someone who needs assistance, be sure to put on your oxygen mask first. The fact is you cannot be all that helpful to the person who needs assistance if you are passed out on the floor.
Put that way, basic self-care isn’t just an indulgence. It is an act of survival. It helps you function better, be better, feel better. Self-care improves your overall sense of wellbeing, allowing you to really give your best gifts to the world. And, ultimately, we are each here to do just that.” Surveying the Self-Care Scene – Rosie Molinary
How to Let Go, Dare Sooner + Make Peace With Your Past – Danielle Dowling
“6. I stopped being perpetually wired to my phone – it’s hard to be present or in the moment when your thumb is constantly scrolling through your feed. If you’ve ever tried to listen to someone talking whilst looking through Facebook or Instagram, you’ll know it’s pretty hard to do the two at once, and usually you’ll end up preferring your device while half-listening and nodding to the person talking to you. Not cool. People deserve the respect of being listened to – and when I realised I was barely present in a lot of my social interactions, I knew something had to change. I sometimes find it hard to know when to disconnect, but making a conscious effort to be in the moment has made me feel less negative and stressed overall.” How I escaped some of my negative patterns and embraced positivity – Stardust
“Pleasure teaches us that life doesn’t have to feel like swimming up stream or hiking Mt. Everest barefoot. I used to think it did. I used think that toxic levels of stress, a wildly abusive inner critic, and days spent striving for perfection were normal and what life was all about.
With pleasure as my carrot I don’t need a stick.
And neither do you.” The ABCs of Self-Love: P is for Pleasure – Rachel W. Cole
Troubleshooting Your Digestive Issues: Signs & Symptoms of Digestive Upset (part 1) – Balanced Bites
Can Sweeteners Fit Into a Healthy Diet – Chris Kresser
Rethinking Sterile: The Hospital Microbiome – Environmental Health Perspectives
How to Safely Expose Your Kids to Dirt – Mark’s Daily Apple
Mango Sorbet with Mint (AIP) – Meatified
Raspberry Ginger Iced Green Tea – Richly Rooted
Cherry Chocolate Chip “KIND” Bars (GF) – The Nourishing Home
Paleo Crockpot Meatballs – Once A Month Meals
NOmato Sauce (AIP) – The Primordial Table
Watermelon Salad with Red Onion and Feta – Thank Your Body
Grilled Beef Heart w/ Lemon and Cracked Pepper Marinade – The Not So Desperate Housewife
Save Those Stems! Make Strawberry Vinegar! – And Here We Are
Swedish Meatballs – The Paleo Mom
Homemade Almond Milk – Against All Grain