Link Love (2014-11-25)

Thought-provoking

Joy Sun: Should you donate differently? – TED

“I see the words “I know he would never hit me/physically harm me” in a lot of letters I get. Far more than I could ever, ever, ever answer or publish.
Those words break my heart, every time, because the people who write them are offering them up as an example of how the relationship can be saved and how I shouldn’t judge their partner too harshly. They mean “he’s not ABUSIVE-abusive (even though he does all these abusive and controlling things to me). I’m not like those abused women, I would leave if someone actually hit me.” They break my heart because the letter writers have had to do the calculus, the calculus called Would He Hit Me? and they offer the answer up as proof that he wouldn’t but all I can see is proof that he almost did, that he’s thinking about it, that he’s a week or a year or a hair’s breadth away from it. It’s proof that she’s thinking about it, too, that she’s had to do the math. Nathan wouldn’t hit you, but he’d punch a wall in front of you, so you can see the force of how his fists slam into things., so you can see how hurt his hand is afterward, so you know that the damage is your fault. When I read those words about how the partner doesn’t harm or hit, I can hear the echo of the guy saying them, too, like “Well, it’s not like I physically hurt you! Come on! Be reasonable (and do what I say)!“(Mentioning how “at least you don’t hit” someone kinda sorta exactly like reminding them that you could hit them, that you might hit them, that hitting them is on the list of possible things that could happen, you are a fucking goddamn hero of a man for making the difficult heroic choice not to. Someone saying this to you should always make the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and prompt you to look around for the exits).” #640: “I know he would never physically hurt me” and other fairy tales – Captain Awkward

How a Self-Proclaimed “Penetration Junkie” Got Her Groove Back After Vaginal Surgery – A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age

“Abd al-Rahman’s problem wasn’t happiness, as he believed — it was unhappiness. If that sounds like a distinction without a difference, you probably have the same problem as the great emir. But with a little knowledge, you can avoid the misery that befell him.” Love People, Not Pleasure – NY Times

Melissa Fleming: Let’s help refugees thrive not just survive – TED

Religion

While I agree we can’t go making demands and bending God into our own image, it doesn’t make sense to me that a God whose defining characteristic is supposed to be love would present Himself to His creation in a way that looks nothing like our understanding of love.  If love can look like abuse, if it can look like genocide, if it can look like rape, if it can look like eternal conscious torture—well, everything is relativized! Our moral compass is rendered totally unreliable. We have no moral justification for opposing Joseph Kony’s army of children, for example, because Joseph Kony claims God is giving him direction. If this is the sort of thing God does, who are we to question it? ” I would fail Abraham’s test (and I bet you would too) – Rachel Held Evans

If that’s true, then your love for others must be judged by the actions you take toward them, not by the speeches you weave around your actions nor by the feelings you feel when you act.  Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words.  So that must be how we determine if you are indeed loving your “loved ones.”  It won’t do simply to say it.  Your actions must actually benefit the ones you say you love or else they do not really demonstrate love.” Your Love Is Toxic – Godless in Dixie

Equality

“Some ideas surrounding Gamergate may be unfamiliar to those not immersed in video-game culture, but gaming culture is a sometimes not-so-funhouse mirror of wider culture, and Gamergate should be examined. Several of the words used in the Gamergate discussion may be new to some; other words, while familiar, such as the word “discussion” itself, have acquired entirely different meanings. I’ve therefore compiled a Gamergater’s glossary.” A guide to the ideas and words of Gamergate – The Globe and Mail

Guest Post: Ending Systemic Discrimination Starts with Individual Acts – the fatal feminist

“The more we all let men get away with saying that they just “don’t care” about filth or that women are somehow naturally better at picking up around the house, the longer the chore disparity will last. Yes, sometimes just washing someone else’s dirty cup feels easier than making a stink about why it’s been sitting on a dresser for two days. But rolling our eyes or quietly seething only ensures another, dirtier cup around the corner.” Women aren’t just ‘better’ at housework but men might be better at avoiding it – The Guardian

7 Everyday Portraits of Non-Binary People – Everyday Feminism

“As one of Cosby’s victims, Barbara Bowman, explains, “The media creates this idealized image of celebrities: that they are untouchable, that they’re not one of us. … I don’t think people want to believe it; to believe would shatter the illusion.” Specifically in the case of Cosby, Gawker nailed it: “Basically nobody wanted to live in a world where Bill Cosby was a sexual predator.”” 13 Women Have Accused Bill Cosby of Rape – So Why Has America Forgiven Him? – Mic

Inspirational

Your church is any space that fills + thrills you. It’s any gathering of people that brings you tangible joy. ” What Is Your “Church”? – Yes and Yes

“Maybe the better path – at least for me – is to harbor those expectations that matter and have value, while at the same time developing the sense of flexibility and fluidity that is so necessary in today’s environment. That’s perhaps step one: don’t be married to one idea, step or methodology too long.” Plan B – ChristopherinHR

You’re worth it (accept it and move on) – Surviving Leadership

Why “self help” does not exist, needing is not shameful, and dependence is beautiful – Growing Human(kind)ness

Health

DIY Herbal Steam – The Prairie Homestead

5 Uncommon Uses for Probiotics – Chris Kresser

Coconut Oil for Radiant Skin, A Supercharged Metabolism and -um- a Stretchier You! – Mommypotamus

Why You Should Check Your Heart-Rate Variability – Mark’s Daily Apple

How Chronic Stress Leads to Hormone Imbalance – The Paleo Mom

Jorge Soto: The future of early cancer detection? – TED

Recipes

The Ultimate Paleo Sandwich Rolls – Lexi’s Clean Kitchen

Puerto Rican Plantain Lasagna – The Paleo Mom

Elderberry Syrup – Mommypotamus

Chocolate Pumpkin Chiffon Pudding – Elana’s Pantry

Crêpe Cake (Grain free & Dairy free) – The Clean Dish

Homemade Twix Bars (Grain-Free, Paleo, Gluten-Free, Primal) – Deliciously Organic

5 Maca Energy Bar Recipes – Mommypotamus

AIP Cinnamon Raisin Rolls – Sweet Potatoes and Social Change

Paleo Taco Boats in Avocados – Popular Paleo

Paleo Apple-Cinnamon Pancakes – Paleo Newbie

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