Link Love (2014-12-27)

Thought-provoking

What does “love” mean to you? – Kimchi Cuddles

“But here’s the reason why: you’re sabotaging yourself. You may not realize it, but more often than not, you are your own worst enemy. You are Edward Norton punching the ever-loving shit out of himself over and over again as your brain disrupts every single attempt to make things better.
But here’s the good news: once you recognize the ways that you’re sabotaging your own self-improvement, you can actually start to fix things.” Five Reasons Why Your Life Isn’t Going to Get Better – Dr NerdLove

How to Make Love Last in the Age of Instant Gratification: Dr Sue Johnson – Mind Body Green

“And what you need to do – to borrow a line from NerdLove spiritual patronus Dan Savage – is dump the motherfucker already. Yes, you can dump your friends, and in this case you totally need to. This guy is so toxic, we should change his name to Iocane Powder. I mean, the fact that he makes you miserable and drains the life away from you is really all the reason you need to ditch him; life is too short to spend it with people who make you miserable (although they make it seem long as hell…) But right now you’re hemming and hawwing because you’re falling victim to a mindset that society has drilled into so many women: you’re putting his possible discomfort at being dumped over the actualmisery he’s causing you.
Let’s tally things up a little, shall we? He doesn’t respect (or want to acknowledge) your sexual orientation because it conflicts with his desires to get in your pants. He pressures you into activities you find uncomfortable at best and skin-crawlingly unpleasant at worst – because your wishes conflict with his desires to have access to your body in what is – let’s be honest here – a sexually charged scenario for him. He acts like a spoiled brat when he doesn’t get his way or if you dare to give someone, anyone else your attention and makes everyone miserable in the process. You are continually looking for reasons not to spend time with him because of how upset he makes you.
Why in pluperfect hell are you still talking to this guy?” Should I Break Up With My Friend? – Dr NerdLove

16 Habits of Highly Sensitive People – Huffington Post

“I know this feeling, because that’s how I felt before I started simplifying my life. I was being pulled in all directions, and never had enough time for everything I needed to do. I wanted to do a great job with each role I’d taken on, and felt I could do it, but really I was doing a bad job at everything because I was stretched too thin.
To this student, and to everyone else who feels this way, I’d say this: your plate is too full. You have too much going on.
The only answer, unless you want your health to decline (and that’s not good for anyone), is to start saying No.” When Your Plate is Too Full – Zen Habits

Religion

“It’s easy to see why Christians even today love stories like Warnke’s. Think about how banal and dry life as a fundamentalist Christian is: no sex, no liquor, no drugs, no partying, no movies, nothing. The people in my new church home were very suspicious of “fun” at all, when they weren’t busy redefining the term till it’d lost all meaning. But we retained our very human need for entertainment and titillation; stories like Warnke’s fed that need. And we considered that the worse a person was prior to conversion, the more grace was involved–and being a Satanist or Wiccan (or a Wiccan Satanist) was about the worst thing anybody could do. People love underdog stories anyway just because we’re human, but coming out of a drastically bad life is the ultimate thrill to hear about for Christians.
These stories are never, ever questioned or fact-checked, and the more lurid they are, the better they are received. People with normal, ordinary testimonies like mine of living basically decent lives and converting to Pentecostalism because we thought it was a better way to follow God were ignored in the stampede to kneel at the feet of those Christians who had big dramatic testimonies. People with such stories were rewarded lavishly in ways both material and intangible.” A Cult of “Before” Stories – Ex-Communications

Punishment Has No Place in Marriage* – Love, Joy, Feminism

“And there we have it. Somewhere lurking in the dark recesses of even the most saccharine, smiley invitation to a relationship-not-a-religion is the veiled threat which says, “Love me, or else.” If you ask enough questions, somewhere inside this message are three (usually non-negotiable) beliefs: If you don’t accept this relationship 1) Your life will suck before you die, 2) Your life will suck infinitely worse after you die, and 3) You are not qualified to determine for yourself whether #1 and #2 are true (this is called “gaslighting“). And this is why the whole dichotomy is B.S. in the end. No matter how much of a relationship this faith dangles out in front of you, there is a giant block of fine print waiting patiently underneath it all, demanding submission to something which comes with a threat (behold, a religion after all).” It’s a Religion Too, Not Just a Relationship – Godless in Dixie

Equality

“If you go to the website WhiteRibbon.org, you’ll see a page that purports to be an anti-violence organization. “End Violence Against Everyone,” the banner reads; a woman’s bruised face stares back at you. The name, White Ribbon, is a widely recognized one, known for being a campaign started by men to fight violence against women, and to encourage men and boys to raise their voices against gender-based violence. The WhiteRibbon.org website writes on its front page, “WhiteRibborn.org is owned and operated by A Voice for Men,” and warns against imitator sites perverting the anti-violence message.
Just one problem: WhiteRibbon.org is the imitator site. And donations to it don’t go to fighting violence at all — they go to spreading the views of a deeply misogynist men’s rights organization.” Why Is an Anti-Feminist Website Impersonating a Domestic Violence Charity – Cosmopolitan

Risky Date – Robot Hugs

“This inhibition had unfortunate and lasting consequences. Statistics showed that women made less use than men of public facilities; and this, in turn, led sanitary engineers to prioritize space on their plans for men. Thus, the “selfish inequality” identified by the Ladies Sanitary Association would persist even into the present century. True, nowadays females may be less delicate about their need for public restrooms. Nonetheless, the long lines of women outside modern “objectionable contrivances” in public spaces — where urinals are still often prioritized by architects and planners — are a peculiar Victorian legacy.” Selfish Inequality: The Long Wait for the Ladies’ Room – Lee Jackson – Huffington Post

A virtual room of one’s own: Why GamerGate hates crowdfunding – Feministing

“This is the kernel of young American masculinity at its most horrifically warped: misogynistic and narcissistic and murderous and self-loathing all at once. Men are taught to despise and exploit vulnerability in others, and in women in particular, and accordingly to dominate spaces public and private, virtual and real. But now more than ever, they are being forced to acknowledge that different people are vulnerable in different spaces in different ways – from the virtual world of social media to our campuses to the streets of Manhattan to the suburbs of St. Louis – and to confront the fact that it’s men who are collectively responsible for this, one way or another.
In a culture where men are supposed to be all about “fixing things” rather than just “talking about them,” the real question is: Are we capable of carrying this weight, of talking honestly about it, and fixing ourselves?” Patrick Blanchfield: The masculine mistake – NY Daily News

Inspirational

“Whatever it is focus on the specific moments and events from your day that you are really grateful for — and the more specific the better!  So saying, “I’m grateful for smelling the fresh forest from my hike today” is so much better than saying, “I’m grateful that I went on a hike today”.  You see the difference?” How to Create a Gratitude List that Actually Helps You – Jennifer Twardowski

What are you proud of? – Modern Mrs Darcy

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions.It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” Martha Graham on the Hidden Danger of Comparing Yourself to Others – James Clear

How to Deal With Anxiety, Tragedy or Heartache, 4 Steps from Research – Barking Up the Wrong Tree

Health

‘Text neck’ is becoming an ‘epidemic’ and could wreck your spine – The Washington Post

Joe Landolina: This gel can make you stop bleeding instantly – TED

Treating Constipation without Destroying Your Gut – The Paleo Mom

We have pubic hair for a reason – Salon

Give Your Immune System A ‘Paleo-Boost’! – Primal Docs

Heavy Menstrual Bleeding – Alignment Monkey

Recipes

Upside-Down Apple Tartlets from Paleo Cooking – Elana’s Pantry

Salted Date Caramels Recipe (Paleo and Vegan) – Empowered Sustenance

Flourless Paleo Pumpkin Bread Recipe ( Grain-Free, Nut-Free) – Healy Eats Real

The Perfect Molasses Cookies (Grain Free, Paleo, Gluten Free) – Deliciously Organic

Autoimmune-friendly Banana Pancakes – Colorful Eats

Apple Pie Gummies (Paleo, AIP) – The Paleo Partridge

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