Link Love (2015-01-10)
How to Clear a Resentment in Under 10 Minutes – Jayson Gaddis
“I sort of blinked and gawped at her uncharacteristically mean comment. She looked me in the eyes and said:
“I’m sorry. That was totally uncalled for.”
And then we went back to talking about how she should rearrange her living room.
She didn’t make excuses for her comment. We didn’t dwell on it or dissect it. She acknowledged her mistake and we both moved the eff on.” Two Sentences that Can Make Just About Anything Better – yes and yes
Six Questions to Ask Yourself Before Telling a Lie – LifeHacker
“Our understanding of the altered functioning of the brain in traumatic situations is founded on decades of research, and as that research continues, it is giving us a more nuanced view of the human brain “on trauma.” Recent studies suggest that the hippocampus goes into a super-encoding state briefly after the fear kicks in. Victims may remember in exquisite detail what was happening just before and after they realized they were being attacked, including context and the sequence of events. However, they are likely to have very fragmented and incomplete memories for much of what happens after that.
These advances in our understanding of the impact of trauma on the brain have enormous implications for the criminal justice system. It is not reasonable to expect a trauma survivor – whether a rape victim, a police officer or a soldier – to recall traumatic events the way they would recall their wedding day. They will remember some aspects of the experience in exquisitely painful detail. Indeed, they may spend decades trying to forget them. They will remember other aspects not at all, or only in jumbled and confused fragments. Such is the nature of terrifying experiences, and it is a nature that we cannot ignore.” Why Rape and Trauma Survivors Have Fragmented and Incomplete Memories – Time
8 Things I’ve Learned About Sex after 8 Years of Fucking the Same Guy – Sex Love Liberation
“You can delay playing a video game or watching YouTube, by telling yourself that you can do it in an hour from now.
You can delay smoking by keeping yourself busy.
You can delay criticizing someone by delaying speaking, and instead focusing on your breath, and on listening.
What you don’t want to delay is the stuff that really matters: creating, helping people, making a difference, building something, being supportive, appreciating the little things in life.” The Power of Delay – Zen Habits
“Based on how I acted and felt while I was a Christian, I really suspect sometimes that they’re talking more to themselves than to me, soothing their own fears, as if they’re saying: Well, we’d never leave church just to have unapproved sex. We’d never leave over unanswered prayer. Why, just look at all these pastor-approved bumper-sticker slogans and apologetics books explaining everything! We’d know better. We’d never make those silly mistakes. Whew! Glad we got that all settled! Now our faith is bulletproof and we’re totally safe! We’ll never deconvert like those people did! And it works, for a little while. Until the next person leaves. Until one of the people gloating about how silly those ex-Christians are gets a sudden realization that cannot be un-realized.” Here’s Not Why I Deconverted – Ex-Communications
“It is an indictment of any religion that you would use fear of everlasting torment in order to keep people in the fold. It screams to me that your religion cannot keep people in by virtue of its own merits, rationality, or beneficiality. If you have to scare people out of leaving, you are perpetuating an abusive relationship, plain and simple. It’s about maintaining control.
This is what abusers do. They tear down their victims by telling them they deserve awful things. They warn their captives that if they leave, bad things will happen to them. They beat fear down so deep into their victims that it becomes impossible for them to objectively analyze the nature of the relationship. Their minds won’t let them. The fear is too loud, too strong. It prevents them from seeing things as they are, not by justifying why this relationship should continue, but by scaring the victims into remaining where they are. This is how abusers operate. And it’s exactly what’s happening when people teach their children that if you leave Jesus you will burn in flames forever and ever.” Why I Reject Hell and Why You Should, Too – Godless in Dixie
“Because everyone knows bugs are “boy” things. Not, you know, just plain things.
While I’m glad Abdo is making a change, I think they missed the overall point. The point was not that girls can like bugs too, it was that bugs are not boy things to begin with. Unfortunate as it is, how we label things affects how children perceive them. “Bugs are boy things, but girls can like them too” is a completely different message from “Bugs are cool, all children can enjoy them.”” Are Bugs “Boy” Things and Dolls “Girl” Things? – Love, Joy, Feminism
Why Trans Exclusion Has No Place in Feminism – Consider the Tea Cosy
“Let’s think about this for a moment. A whole community of people are saying this exists. Data shows racial disparities in economic, education, justice, and healthcare systems. Basically, ALL OVER THE PLACE. Unarmed black boys and men are killed without recourse. Repeatedly. The comment sections of these crimes are riddled with assholes shouting “Good. One less loser.”
Still people claim “Racism doesn’t exist.” But here’s the thing: The only way you can discount the words, lives, efforts and voices of hundreds of thousands of people is THROUGH THE RACISM YOU CLAIM DOESN’T EXIST.
You can only ignore them if they’re aren’t worth hearing.
You can only ignore them if they’re liars. If they’re just looking for a handout.
If they’re not human like you.
You can only ignore them by using the very narratives you claim aren’t happening.
And let’s be honest, we can only ignore them because it’s easy, because we’ll never have to walk a day in their shoes, and it’s just so much more pleasant to turn away, look away, focus back on our lives.
But the sand is getting skimpy and our heads are showing. At this point, if we’re not part of the solution we’re part of the problem.” How I discovered I am white – Renegade Mothering
Adam Grand and Sheryl Sandberg on Discrimination at Work – NY Times
“No, it’s not that simple at all. The fact that so many people around me see it that way demonstrates that they still don’t get it. Decades of racial inequality and income inequality have worn such deep grooves into our society that people on either side of the divide between the haves and have-nots cannot fathom what it’s like to be on the other side. In fact, in the midst of typing this post, even the local atheist Facebook group I help moderate has blown up into the same argument with someone saying the exact same thing the man said last night. “If people would just quit breaking the law, these things wouldn’t happen.” No, you still don’t get it.” Why Can’t You See the System is Rigged – Godless in Dixie
On Rolling Stone, lessons from fact-checking, and the limits of journalism – Feministing
8 Strategies for Cultivating a Vitality Mindset – Mark’s Daily Apple
“We are often taught that along with perfectionism, and its corresponding high-level of accomplishment, comes an automatic sense of admiration, security, certainty, and predictability—all acting as some sort of insurance or safeguard against the painful, frustrating, and seemingly unavoidable irritations and nuances of our day-to-day lives.
What I realize now is this: I longed to be admired by all, yet truly seen and known by none. For me, perfectionism became a way to mask all those less-than perfect, too different or undesirable aspects of my self.” Do You Think You Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted? – Tiny Buddha
How to Create an Intentional Thanksgiving – Beautiful Living
“As it turns out, she was doing nothing to work on herself (unless you count spin class). I think it’s a noble thing to say, “I’m working on myself” and makes us sound evolved and that we’re practicing self-care. And maybe by saying it out loud to other people makes us feel that just by saying it, we are actually doing something for ourselves. But saying it and actually doing it are two very different things.” Is your “I’m working on myself” total bullshit? – Your Kick Ass Life Coaching
8 Great Habits That Hold You Back from Actual Happiness – Tiny Buddha
Beauty & Body Image
“Ok, so good to know that we’ll still be vain, even if we make it into the impressive years. But it’s not just the golly-gee-whiz-these-people-are-old factor that makes these photographs beautiful. Photographed with tenderness and skill, they show the beauty of a human face that has lived through a century of families, relationships, work, and world events. And here’s a little secret: beauty photography isn’t really about Photoshopping out all the blemishes – it’s about lighting and care, and enjoying your subject.” On Being Happy – and Beautiful – at One Hundred – Wild Beauty
11 Tricks to Looking + Feeling Fairly Awesome Even Though It’s Freezing – yes and yes
“Being a very tall woman means being very visible. You know that feeling you had during your most awkward adolescent years — that everyone was staring at you? That feeling is my life. People are staring. And, often, they’re not just staring. They want to talk about it. My height is something I discuss every day. Strangers ask about it when I’m browsing the nail polish at Target. Children point and stare. Women sitting outside cafés remark on it loudly as I walk past them. A pack of frat boys in a bar once chanted “six-footer!” at me. If I wear heels or if I’m in a small town, the comments increase fivefold. The questions are always the same: How tall are you? Are your parents tall? Do you ever wear heels? How tall is your boyfriend? Or, sometimes it’s just a statement: You’re really tall.
Thanks. I wasn’t aware.” What It’s Like to Be a Woman Who’s 6’2 – The Cut
The Invisible Demographic: Important, Respectable AND Sexy at Every Age – Paleo for Women
“Your body is not a mass of flaws to be disguised, or a list of failures. Your body is not a burdensome receptacle for your brain and soul. Your body is not a lifelong improvement project. Your body is you. And even if you’re not ready to lavish yourself with love and affection, perhaps you could think about protecting, nurturing, and taking responsibility for the well-being of your body. Because even when it is frustrating, or confusing, or filled with aches and pains, it is still yours. You are the one and only person tasked with the stewardship of your body. It’s a lot of responsibility, but the payoff is worth it.” Body Stewardship – Already Pretty
Break My Nose and Make Me Pretty: Why I Said No to Plastic Surgery – Adios Barbie
Guest Post by Angie Alt: Building Resilience – The Paleo Mom
Top 5 Cortisol Myths & Facts – Wellness Mama
Lifestyle: The Big Picture is the Big Deal – Whole9
Change Coming to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans – Mark’s Daily Apple
Could female self-hatred be the real cause of autoimmune disease – Sarah Wilson
Prepare Now to Avoid the Effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder – LifeHacker
Saffron Mango Mousse + Bonus Ice Cream Recipe – Adventures in Partaking
Snickers Layer Bars – Peachy Palate
Shortbread (Paleo, AIP, Vegan) – The Paleo Partridge
Autoimmune Paleo Dinner Rolls – The Curious Coconut
Roasted Persimmon and Ginger Custard – Nourished Kitchen
Paleo Molasses-Spice Cookie (AIP Friendly) – Beyond the Bite