Link Love (2015-03-14)


Ben Ambridge: 10 myths about psychology, debunked – TED

“In my opinion, we do an enormous “let them eat cake” disservice to our community when we obfuscate the circumstances that help us write, publish and in some way succeed. I can’t claim the wealth of the first author (not even close); nor do I have the connections of the second. I don’t have their fame either. But I do have a huge advantage over the writer who is living paycheck to paycheck, or lonely and isolated, or dealing with a medical condition, or working a full-time job.” “Sponsored” by my husband: Why it’s a problem that writers never talk about where their money comes from – Salon

#657: Asshole-to-English Translator: “You just like leading guys on” – “I am a creepy asshole who doesn’t think you’re allowed to say ‘no'” – Captain Awkward

“Over time, ideally, we learn empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand that other people are just as real as we are, to understand that other people have needs and desires, and to be able to imagine what it is like to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and see things from their perspective. As we grow up, it becomes natural to most of us, but only to a certain point. Most people never become really good at it. We empathize with people we like, or people who are part of our group. We don’t empathize with people we don’t like.
Compassion is the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, imagine things from their perspective, and then to feel kindness for them and seek understanding of them even if what they do is harmful to us, goes against our needs and desires, is at odds with our own experience, or hurts other people. Compassion is empathy on steroids. It’s the ability to understand the view and perspective of someone we don’t like, or someone who is doing something we think is bad.” Compassion – More Than Two

Speak Your Love Language to Your Valentine: From Words of Affirmation to Burritos – Sara Gottfried MD


“Second of all, if you really want to insist on establishing a connection between the crime rate of an area and its religiousness, I don’t think you’re going to like what you find out.  Those states which consistently score the highest on religious devotion also suffer the highest crime rates in the country.  If prayer stopped crime then that wouldn’t be the case.  But people around me have somehow gotten drilled into their heads that there is a direct correlation to school shootings and “taking God out of school.”  My response to that is:  If your God can be “taken out” of a place, he’s not very powerful.  Maybe you should find a bigger God.  Besides, shootings happen in churches, too.  Were they praying incorrectly?  Did God disapprove of their particular preacher and therefore remove his protection from them?  It seems to me you have to eventually decide that this facile connection between public prayer and crime isn’t what you think it is.  It’s mentally lazy and it lacks any statistical verification or causal connection whatsoever.” Say It Ain’t Poe: When Fake Letters Say Exactly What Too Many Christians Think – Ex-Communications

Yes, We Talk About Being Ex-Christians. And That’s Okay. – Ex-Communications

“1) You’re telling her you don’t value her perspective, or at least that yours is more important than hers.  You do realize she thinks you’re talking to yourself when you pray, right?  Or have you even stopped to think about it long enough to realize that’s how an atheist would see prayer?  People who don’t believe in invisible spirits generally don’t think prayer does anything except make people feel better.  They see it like a security blanket or a stuffed animal that you sleep with.  It doesn’t actually protect you from anything, but it makes you feel secure anyway.  And yes, I know that’s not what you believe, but does it matter to you that the other person doesn’t see it that way?  Have you ever considered that announcing to her that you’re praying for her is essentially dismissing her perspective as unworthy of acknowledgment?” What’s Wroong with Telling an Atheist You’ll Pray for Her? – Godless in Dixie

Bad Christians (Are Not the Problem) – Ex-Communications

“You see, men are incapable of addressing the “root of the problem” until women take a drastic “illegitimate counter-reactions”—like creating a mosque for themselves in which men are neither expected, nor made explicitly welcome. And then, suddenly confronted with the possibility of a complementary space in which they do not control women (just wait, that’s coming up next in his little speech) and in which women in fact govern themselves from positions of leadership in their religious practices, without giving a toss about what men think or have to say, well—come on now, girls—maybe we can work something out after all.” Snake in the Grass – the fatal feminist


Khadija Gbla: My mother’s strange definition of empowerment – TED

“Revenge porn terrorism compels women to fear those they love. It isolates men and women and places them in opposition of one another. It infuses every interaction between a man and a woman with an imbalanced power dynamic by robbing a woman of control over her own fate and placing it in the hands of another. It doesn’t matter that not every man would exploit this weapon. It matters that any man can. The number of women I know who have been threatened by a partner, a husband, a boyfriend with the images they produced together in an environment of love and respect are innumerable.
We have become accustomed to the use of revenge porn terrorism. As a matter of course, revenge porn is now the go-to threat for any man seeking to destroy a woman. For any man seeking to extort a woman for sex. To destroy the reputation of his ex-wife. To wield power in divorce proceedings or business negotiations. To ensure that an abused partner won’t leave. And the terrorist doesn’t even have to go through with it. The threat is sufficient to silence her and force her into submission because the consequences are so grave. The perfect weapon.
And it’s working. Women are being hard-wired to associate fear with intimacy. Terrorism has led us to scan the room for hidden cameras rather than look into our lover’s eyes. Terrorism has made us afraid to take pictures of our bodies and to explore our own sexuality in safety. But wherein lies the power of this threat? A bomb and a bullet threaten one’s physical safety and sense of security, but what power, what truth, lies behind my naked body? Judges, doctors, politicians, movie stars, the popular girl in school; no matter her success or contribution, show us her breasts and it is all for naught. It places an enormous amount of power in the hands of weak men. The power not only to destroy everything she has built, but to do so with legal impunity.” Revenge Porn Terrorism – Reut Amit – Huffington Post

What Kristen Stewart Taught Me About Internalized Misogyny – Everyday Feminism

“This is the sad reality in workplaces around the world: Women help more but benefit less from it. In keeping with deeply heldgender stereotypes, we expect men to be ambitious and results-oriented, and women to be nurturing and communal. When a man offers to help, we shower him with praise and rewards. But when a woman helps, we feel less indebted. She’s communal, right? She wants to be a team player. The reverse is also true. When a woman declines to help a colleague, people like her less and her career suffers. But when a man says no, he faces no backlash. A man who doesn’t help is “busy”; a woman is “selfish.”” Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant on Women Doing ‘Office Housework’ – NY Times

Yet More Tired Arguments Against Marriage Equality – Love, Joy, Feminism

“Despite evidence suggesting that companies perform better when they have more women on their boards, it remains the case that women are hugely under-represented in senior management. And when they are promoted to the top roles,psychologists analyzing British firms have noticed a trend—women are especially likely to be placed in charge of failing organizations, an effect referred to as the “glass cliff.”” “The Glass Cliff” And 4 Other Ways Our Coworkers Treat Us Differently Because of Gender – 99U

Beauty & Body Image

“Let’s talk for a minute about embodied cognition. I love embodied cognition, and I think you should too because it’s utterly different from the typical ways that we think and speak about minds and bodies, but also appears to have a fair amount of evidence supporting it. Embodied cognition is the idea that our brains and thoughts aren’t simply housed in our bodies, in many ways they are completely dependent on bodies. Our bodies not only influence the way we think, but sometimes changes in the body can completely change how we think. Andrew Wilson and Sabrina Golonka define it as follows: “Embodiment is the surprisingly radical hypothesis that the brain is not the sole cognitive resource we have available to us to solve problems. Our bodies and their perceptually guided motions through the world do much of the work required to achieve our goals, replacing the need for complex internal mental representations.” One great example is this study that found people who needed to pee, who were hungry, or were tired were less likely to believe in free will.” Yes We Should Talk About Bodies – Skepchick

When to buy multiples – The Minimal Closet

“In this brief example, I think my bro-ness largely contributed to my ability to reach my male privileged residents. The ideologies that my corporeality signified gave me a presumed rapport with them, allowing me to infiltrate their spaces, thus granting me the perfect opportunity to subvert those ideologies from the inside. To broaden the implications because of what my body signifies, I can go back home to Philly and be on the block spittin’ some bell hooks or Sara Ahmed to other Black dudes and be listened to because of the capital that I carry through my embodiment. Thus my bro-ness, while inimical in, say, a space containing older, white, second wave feminist women, is subversive and anti-patriarchal in a space containing Black Nationalists and hip-hop heads in North Philly precisely because I am granted access to that space.” COLLEGE FEMINISMS: Buff, Black, Tattooed, and Feminist: On the Utility of a Bro-Feminist – The Feminist Wire

The Unspoken Business of Brows – The Riveter Magazine

“It goes like something this: we are taught as a society that IF we achieve the ideal body that we see in traditional media (and not before) we will then obtain love, worthiness, success and ultimately- happiness. Which is what we all want, right?
Because the vast majority of our culture buys into this, we have millions upon millions of people investing everything they have into achieving this ultimate goal. The goal being- thinness which obviously equals happiness, remember? (Note: other body “goals” also apply here, like able bodied/lighter skin color/cisgender appearance etc.) SO, they spend their lives in a perpetual state of self-loathing (its called inspiration!) while working their asses off to become that ideal. We, as Americans, sink billions of dollars into beauty products every year. Between the millions of us on diets, we gift the weight loss industry and other weight loss products over $60 billion dollars as well. 14 million of us had cosmetic procedures in 2012 and yes, that number keeps growing. Perhaps we starve ourselves or maybe we just fixate on our calorie count like it determines our salvation. Maybe we make the gym our god. Whatever we choose individually, we as a country have made ‘fixing our bodies’ our main obsession and we let it consume our life. This happens for most of us whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. We live to give the quest towards impossible perfection (marketed as happiness) our all.
So THEN after all of this, when a fat chick- who hasn’t done the work, who hasn’t tried to fix her body, who doesn’t have any interest in the gospel we so zealously believe in, stands up and says: I’M HAPPY! …we freak the fuck out.
Because: that bitch just broke the rules. She just cut in front of us in line. She just unwittingly ripped us off. And she essentially made our lifetime of work totally meaningless.
It’s kind of like investing everything you own in some sort of stock and instead of it’s worth increasing, you’re notified that it’s value is now the same as Monopoly money. All of a sudden, your investments (aka “Body Currency”) have the devastating value of: zero.” WHY PEOPLE HATE TESS MUNSTER (AND OTHER HAPPY FAT PEOPLE) – The Militant Baker


Why Affirmations Don’t Work (& What You Can Do Instead) – Ellen Bard

And in the shadows of those roles, the Impostor Complex lies in wait. When someone projects “fabulous mother” or “great partner” onto me, it takes effort to find Thank You. My mind scans to all the places where that’s simply not felt true.” When good enough is good enough. And when it’s not. – Tanya Geisler

Self-Help becoming Self-Hindrance? Let’s fix that. – Briana Saussy


Floor Sitting Positions – Alignment Monkey

5 Steps to Personalizing Your Autoimmune Paleo Protocol – Chris Kresser

How Stress Undermines Health – The Paleo Mom

Women who cut out red meat ‘twice as likely to suffer from depression or anxiety’ – WBHI Think Tank

Biohacking: There’s an App for that – Bulletproof Executive

How to transition out of a mattress – Katy Says

Zen and the Art of Callisthenics – Mark’s Daily Apple

4 Natural Sleep Remedies that Work – Wellness Mama

Coping With the Scars of Autoimmune Disease – Paleo Cajun Lady

5 Reasons to Ditch Your Deoderant – Mommypotamus


Banana Autoimmune Paleo Muffins – Empowered Sustenance

Chocolate Chip Banana Bread Cookies (AIP & Paleo Versions) – Grazed and Enthused

How to thicken Paleo gravy and sauces – Popular Paleo

AIP Tortilla – He Won’t Know It’s Paleo

How to Make Basil Salt: An Easy DIY Gourmet Finishing Salt – The Rising Spoon

Hot Woman Shake – (AIP & Wahls Paleo) – Petra8Paleo

Creamy Paleo Lemon Squares (AIP friendly) – Beyond the Bite

Tzatziki Sauce (paleo, vegan, aip, starch-free) – Pure and Simple Recipes

Sauteed Red Cabbage with Apple-Paleo – Gluten Free Travels

AIP Crispy Cajun Duck with Blackberry-Fig Sauce Recipe – Paleo Cajun Lady

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