Link Love (2015-05-12)


“Teaching your child to never say “no” to an authority is not preparing them for adulthood. At all. Instead, it prepares them to fall into patterns of abuse or dysfunction. It prepares them to obey an unreasonable or abusive boss rather than going to HR or quitting and finding another job. And so forth. Children need to know that they can say “no” to those in authority over them, both as children and, in the future, as adults.” Why We Should Teach Children to Say No – Love, Joy, Feminism

Emotional Intelligence: The Social Skills You Weren’t Taught in School – LifeHacker

“My first, and strongest piece of advice, is don’t be a judgey jerk. Your friend has come to you with something in trust, and that’s a big deal. If polyamory isn’t for you, that’s okay. Not everyone should be polyamorous – for some people it’s totally unworkable, and you don’t need to feel bad about that. But don’t assume it’s the same for your friend, and don’t put your feelings about whether polyamory would or would not work for you on your friend. If you wouldn’t ditch a friend over a boyfriend you didn’t like, don’t ditch them over polyamory. You might think I’m being silly about this, but I’ve seen plenty of otherwise excellent friendships ruined because someone mistook their dislike for polyamory in their own life for dislike of someone who was once a friend.” So Your Friend is Polyamorous – Already Pretty

#690 and #691: One of life’s saddest lessons is that people don’t have to be awful or evil to be not quite right for you – Captain Awkward

“I was raised in a conservative religious household where I was taught that my greatest failing lay between my legs. I grew up ashamed and afraid of being a woman. I tend to write on subjects of abuse, shame, sexual oppression and survivor-ship as a way to work through trauma.” “I was taught that my greatest failing lay between my legs” Shawna Ayoub Ainslie talks to ASLI about how her writing helps to work through trauma – ASLI Magazine

How to Avoid Getting the Fade – Dr NerdLove


Mona Eltahawy: My Unveiling Ceremony – NY Times

“Of course I’d think I was straight. If I could close off my feelings for men, I could certainly close off my feelings for women. It was only after I started to learn what attraction felt like, that I knew I liked girls. I always had liked girls. I just didn’t know that my experience was any different from anyone else’s, because we never talked about our feelings. We never defined our terms.” Purity Culture and My Sexuality – Cynthia Jeub

9 Famous Women With the Perfect Response on Why They’ve Ditched Religion – Mic

“My anxiety proved reasonable. She scolded, saying, “I can’t believe you’d let him convince you to do that,” and “It doesn’t even feel good. There’s no reason to have sex unless you’re procreating.” I cried, felt dirty. I had done what teen magazines had recommended, what my own mother bragged about, and it backfired. Regardless, she made an appointment with a nurse practitioner.  The NP presented a kinder face, but made sure to say: “Just because you’re on birth control, doesn’t mean you have to have sex.”” Sex as a Southern Woman: A Story of Shame – Godless in Dixie


“In a perfect world, there would be no stigma to being a victim of sexual violence. Sexual assault survivors could come forward and talk about their stories without fear of retribution, shaming or harassment. Reporters could print the names of those assaulted, knowing that the victims’ safety would remain intact.
But we do not live in a perfect – or even near-perfect – world. And if we want rape victims to be able to tell their stories in the media, we must protect their anonymity.” We can’t end rape stigma by forcing all victims to identify themselves – Jessica Valenti – The Guardian

Closets – Robot Hugs

“If this referendum passes, it’s a sign from you that everyone who has hurt us- the people who make snide comments or shout from cars or assault us on the street, the families who reject us, the businesses that refuse to serve us, the schools that would refuse to hire us- are not the silent majority they claim to be. That they do not have the support of our society. That you expect them to be better than that.
If this referendum passes, it is a sign from you to every queer kid growing up and figuring themselves out that their society does accept and embrace them for exactly who they are. That their lives will be wonderful and rich and worth living.
If this referendum fails, though?
If this referendum fails, I don’t know how I’ll walk down the street anymore. Knowing that I was wrong. Knowing that the majority of people in this country either actively see me as inferior, or don’t care enough about my rights to be bothered ticking a box in a poll booth. The happy lady at the gym, the old man in the park with the walker and the dog. The people at the bus stop making small talk about how long we’re waiting today. If this referendum fails, I’ll know that most of them see me as somehow wrong. As worth less than them.
Please don’t let that happen.” They Were Right: This referendum is not (just) about marriage – Consider the Tea Cosy

4 Ways Indian Culture Sends Its Young Women Toxic Messages – And How We Can Stand Up to Them – Everyday Feminism

“That coldness isn’t new. Ideally, you’d hope, feminism would be about fighting for the rights of all women and trying to free all people from oppressive gender stereotypes. In practice, though, the radical feminist tradition of Andrea Dworkin and Janice Raymond, who Murphy champions, has often built itself on exclusion rather than inclusion. Radical feminism’s radicalism is often defined by smearing other women — trans women, sex workers, women of color — as deluded dupes of men and patriarchy.
“These radical feminisms, in my opinion, don’t even feign inclusivity,” researcher and activist Zoe Samudzi, a project assistant at UCSF, told me. “There’s a very prescriptive understanding of what emancipation and liberation looks like … White women have historically been perpetrators of violence against black women’s bodies, and the same entitlement and identity-centeredness in feminism has enabled them to proclaim themselves as the arbiters of womanhood.”” Laverne Cox Gets Naked, Exposes Radical Feminist Exclusionism – Playboy

Beauty & Body Image

How to Decide What to Keep and What to Purge in Your Closet – Recovering Shopaholic

“Now that I’m among them, the guilt I once felt about what I ate has been replaced by guilt over being the wrong kind of feminist—or maybe no kind of feminist: a woman pursuing something as pedestrian and frankly boring as losing weight. I fear that instead of fighting for a world where all bodies are admired, I’m pandering, reshaping my body to make it acceptable to the world around me. And I’m not alone: Jessica Wakeman, a writer for the blog The Frisky, recently came out as a dieter in a post called “True Story: A Feminist Joins Weight Watchers.” This is a woman who’s written casually about attending an orgy, but dieting required a lengthy justification.” Personal Essay on Diets – The Last Feminist Taboo – Elle

When Wearing Shorts Was Taboo – NPR

“The subject of clothing might seem frivolous but spending some time on it can make a difference in your energy expenditure.  It can cut down on pain, discomfort, energy used dressing, energy used fretting about your appearance, sorting time, emotional energy, and the list goes on.” Energy Economy – Wardrobe Considerations for the Chronically Ill Part 1 – Laina Laughing & Part 2

Is it Useful? Does it Bring You Joy? – Already Pretty


“The biggest challenge when you meet any kind of trauma, challenge or even expansion is staying in your body. Staying fully in the experience with an unwavering commitment to be here even when it burns. To sit in the fire, as I like to call it. This willingness to stay with ourselves, is the biggest healer.
When we escape or leave our bodies we lock our most vulnerable stories in our bodies and disconnect from the inner voice that will guide us through to the other side.
We have to commit to come home to ourselves again and again, to bring the kiss of our devotional presence to our tears and inner wounds.” How awakening my Inner Woman helped me survive my car accident – Indigomoon Enemark

4 Tips to Start Loving Yourself and Stop Criticizing Yourself – Tiny Buddha

“Every minute counts, of course it does, it’s life! But I guarantee you won’t regret spending time with loved ones and making memories.” Why I’m sick of productivity hacks – That Hummingbird Life

Why You Should Use Relief Projects and Objects (and what they are) – The Honeyed Quill

“When I avoid my truth, I become a stranger in my own life.
In truth I am flourishing in a hot house of honest vulnerability. I am messy, open. I am wild, untethered. In truth, my many pieces are on display for you, but I am safe in belonging to myself. In truth, I know that it is not my job to manage your response to my words, my actions. In truth, my energy is reclaimed and I am whole.
When I live in the bright light of truth, I am free.” Ferocious Truth – Mara Glatzel

Your Ultimate Self-Care Assessment (with resources!) – Psychology Today

Chronic Illness & Pain

3 Natural Ways to Reduce and Manage Your Pain – The Princess in the Tower

“This brain circuit reorganization takes place over a year and then remains stable.  People with back pain for over 10 years demonstrate the same brain circuitry as those who’ve been in chronic pain for a year.   That fits the clinical experiences suggesting that pain which doesn’t get resolved in three months to a year is more likely to be long lasting.” Shape Shifting Pain: How Chronic Pain Turns the Brain More ‘Emotional’ – Health Rising

Finding the Missing Link: Troubleshooting on the Autoimmune Protocol – Sweet Potatoes and Social Change

“Painful conditions — anything from a headache to back pain to arthritis — can have a serious impact on your quality of sleep. People living with chronic conditions likerheumatoid arthritis (RA) for example, a condition which causes pain, stiffness and swelling in the joints1, report sleep patterns are often irregular and say they have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep because of painful joints2. While the condition can affect anyone at any age, it most often appears between the ages of 25 and 503.” Waking Up With Chronic Pain: Five Tips for Better Sleep – Dr. William Bensen – Huffington Post

Toxins & Autoimmunity: The Dangers of Trying to Meet Beauty Standards – Paleo Cajun Lady

“As you can see above, medical use of this term is limited to spirochete infections, and the symptoms last a short period of time. In the alternative health community, the term has been expanded to explain (and justify) any worsening of symptoms related to a new diet, supplement or treatment protocol. Believing that these symptoms are a sign of healing, many people “push through” for days or weeks, expecting to feel better, and only feel worse. For people with autoimmune disease, this can lead to an autoimmune flare.” Is A Healing Crisis Really Healing? – Autoimmune Paleo

AIP Food Pyramid – Phoenix Helix

“Women with disabilities are often portrayed either as fragile flowers or oversexed, needing to be protected from the world and from their own sex drive. But in truth, most women with disabilities experience the same desire for pleasure, love, and physical connection as any other woman. In this week’s Sex Talk Realness, spoke with five women about their experiences with sex, dating, and living with a body that doesn’t always work the way you want it to.” Sex Talk Realness: How I Have Sex With a Disability – Cosmopolitan

10 Steps for Healing Well With Chronic Illness – Healing Well Blog

“It is a natural human desire to fit in, to be respected, to be loved.  We naturally care what others think about us.  And that is not wrong. But there comes a point when we care too much.
For people with chronic illness just getting out of bed or out of the house very difficult.  We may worry about looking weird to others or worry about their opinion of us.” Coping With Chronic Illness – Caring Too Much What People Think Keeps You Sick – Laina Laughing


Understanding Body Butters and How to Use Them in Skincare – Scratch Mommy

“If you want to move naturally, you need feet that are able to move naturally too. That means foot coverings that interfere as little as possible with the way your feet work (this applies to everyone – even people with flat feet or who wear orthotics – these are muscle-related issues and can be addressed with exercise and a very careful and gradual transition to minimal shoes.” Choosing shoes for healthy feet – a practical guide to minimal footwear – Movement Revolution

How to Spice Up Any Meal. Literally. – Nerd Fitness

“American biomechanics expert Katy Bowman says we’re all so obsessed with doing cardiovascular fitness that we’re neglecting the health of our cells.
Scientists increasingly believe good health is down to good blood flow and a constant supply of oxygen to each cell – not whether we can run 10k. We can achieve this by movement and stretching throughout the day rather than short bursts of intensive exercise a couple of times a week.” Everyday life-changing movements – Daily Express

Are Your Skincare Products Toxic? Sunscreen. – Chris Kresser

“Recent studies tell us a lot about the benefits of walking—it prevents cardiovascular disease,boosts creativity, eases depression, prevents osteoporosis, reduces stress, and supports a healthy body weight. Unless it is done indoors on a treadmill, walking outdoors exposes us to sunlight so that our skin can manufacture vitamin D, which is an immune regulator. I find it surprising, give all of the evidence in favor of walking, that most people don’t seek it out or even consider it exercise.” The Benefits of A Regular Walking Routine – Autoimmune Paleo

The Benefits of Meditation and the Impact of Stress – Bulletproof Executive

“Have you ever felt so stressed out and overwhelmed that you can’t think straight? We now know that prolonged stress or trauma is associated with decreased volume in areas of the human brain responsible for regulating thoughts and feelings, enhancing self-control, and creating new memories. A new research study, published in today’s issue of NatureMedicine, is a first step in uncovering the genetic mechanism underlying these brain changes.” How to Prevent Stress from Shrinking Your Brain – Psychology Today

Egg Substitutes for Baking, Cooking & Breading – Wellness Mama


Carrot Cake (Paleo, AIP) – The Paleo Partridge

Creamy Butternut Squash Lasagna (Autoimmune-Protocol Friendly) – The Paleo Mom

Honey-Lime Chicken & Strawberry Salad – Autoimmune Paleo

10-Minute Spring Soup for Delicious Healing (Paleo, AIP, Bone Broth) – Fresh Tart by Stephanie Meyer

4 Ingredient AIP Flatbread recipe (paleo, vegan, coconut free) – Heartbeet Kitchen

How to Make Greek Coconut Milk Yogurt – Real Food RN

Balsamic Roasted Roots – Real Food Forager

Autoimmune Paleo Lemon Cream Sandwich Cookies (Tigernut Flour) – Beyond the Bite

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