Link Love (2015-08-01)
The Moral Bucket List – The New York Times
“So while we accept that we men are all complex and multifaceted individuals, we let that imagined hive-mind in our heads represent those others in their entirety… and we react to them accordingly. When we let that monolith occupy our minds, it becomes our de facto filter for interacting with others in reality. When you have a belief about the collective entity known as WOMEN, everything you do involving women gets passed through the filter of those pre-existing beliefs. Confirmation bias ends up kicking in and you discard everything that doesn’t fall in line with the image you believe in already. As a result, you often end up reacting to the entity in your head, rather than to the person right in front of you. By passing that person’s words and behavior through your mental filter you are assuming facts and motivations that may well not be there at all. It’s impossible to relate to somebody when you’re too busy responding to what you think they’re saying. When you’ve decided that all pretty women are snobby, stuck up Queen Bees (because Debbie Harper was an asshole to you in high-school when you asked her out and her friends couldn’t stop laughing about it and screw you Debbie, I bet you peaked in your Junior year and now you’re stuck with your lazy ex-jock no job having husband in Beaumont GOD DAMN IT DEBBIE WHY WASN’T I GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU YOU STUCK UP LITTLE… ahem), you end up coming in on the defensive, seeing everything as a potential slight and insult.” Why Is It So Hard to Be a Good Man? – Dr NerdLove
The 5 Characteristics of Couples That Last – Aligned Holistics
“These are all real things said to me in the last year, except for the last one which I suspect is probably just stuck in my spam filter.
Here’s the deal. I just can’t. I can’t use this blog to tell you that testing makeup on animals is bad or that if we don’t reduce our carbon footprint our children will suffer the consequences. I don’t have the stamina or willpower to denounce every shitty thing in the world that I assume everyone else here already agrees with. I don’t have the strength to write about ISIS and kidnappings and poverty and children starving and bombs and other terrible things because I know I will become fixated and depressed and unable to function. I know my limits and I know that without self-care I will fall into those dark holes of depression where I’m no help to anyone.
And I’m okay with that because I don’t have to tell you that Nazis are bad and mass murderers are fuckheads and that racism is bullshit and suicide should be avoided and rape is shitty and water is wet and cats will scratch you if given enough time. This is all common sense. If I have to say this out loud for you to get those things then you are in the wrong place. Mostly because I’m typing and so I can’t say anything out loud, but also because if you know me, you already know these things. We may disagree on the finer points. I may have a looser definition of what it means to be a feminist. I’m in the middle ground when it comes to gun control so if I ever decide I’m educated enough to have a salient point of view worth sharing out loud we may disagree. I suspect I view racism as being more of a problem than the average American (or average white Southerner at least) and occasionally I’ll say something about it and lose followers…both those who are angry that I believe racism is systemic and deep-seated, and those who agree but who are mad that I don’t say even more. And that’s okay. Sometimes they come back, later, with open minds and less fear or anger. Sometimes they are replaced by others who are here to laugh and smile at the ridiculousness that comes out of my head. Sometimes (mostly) it’s read and then forgotten. Just one tiny voice in a world that won’t shut up. In a world so busy speaking that it can’t hear.” This is my house – The Bloggess
How to Stop Worrying – Barking Up the Wrong Tree
On Josh Duggar:
What You Need to Know About the Josh Duggar Report – Love, Joy, Feminism
Josh Duggar and the Tale of Two Boxes – Love, Joy, Feminism
Why Josh Duggar’s “Teenage Mistakes” Matter – Love, Joy, Feminism
How Josh Duggar is getting away with it – Defeating Dragons
Josh Duggar says he’s sorry. So what? – The Life and Opinions of Kathryn Elizabeth, Person
Why Did We Make the Duggars Famous in the First Place? – Cosmopolitan
Josh Duggar’s Lies, Damn Lies, and Half Truths – Love, Joy, Feminism
3 Things the Josh Duggar Scandal Reveals About Christian Patriarchy – Ex-Communications
Are the Duggars Victims of Christian Persecution – Love, Joy, Feminism
Josh was “Just Curious about Girls” and the Rank Hypocrisy of the Duggar Excuse Machine – Love, Joy, Feminism
Debunking the ‘Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps Myth’ – Everyday Feminism
“If there are any parallels to today’s situation, common sense would dictate that the current SCOTUS did what the previous one did not: They observed the winds of change among public opinion as it relates to a class of people (this time it’s the LGBT community instead of people of African descent) and ruled that treating them differently from everyone else isn’t fair. Some still oppose this, yes, but the general consensus among Americans appears to have shifted in the direction of affording its LGBT citizens the same rights as everyone else. Our current Supreme Court did the opposite of what the court of 1857 did: They ruled that LGBTs deserve the same rights and considerations as everyone else. Huckabee and company are trying to get that reversed. They are standing on the same side as the 1857 court they so repetitively disparage. When confronted with a question of basic human rights, the 1857 SCOTUS kicked the matter back to the states to decide instead of settling the issue once and for all. That’s the very thing the conservative pundits today are suggesting the Supreme Court should have done with regards to same-sex marriage.” Why Dred Scott Is the Dumbest Analogy You Could Use Right Now – Godless in Dixie
3 Ways to Lovingly Talk to Your In-Laws (or Anyone, for that Matter) About That Hella Oppressive Thing They Just Said – Everyday Feminism
“Throughout my life, I’ve experienced white privilege by proxy. By surrounding myself with rich white people I have gained access to a lot of relief, food, education, clothes, you name it — just because I was near them. This isn’t new by any means. The house slave was often treated better than the field slave, and so the domestic servant is treated better than the migrant worker in the fields, and so it has passed on through the Latino and Afro-Caribbean diasporas in the United States. I didn’t understand as a child why my father was so relieved to hear my mother had found work in a wealthy white woman’s home. My mother had a degree – she was a certified accountant in El Salvador. But here she was, grateful to have a job working closely with a white family that would treat her a lot like the nanny-dog in Disney’s “Peter Pan.” It took a while for me to understand.” Castoffs and leftovers: The mixed benefits of working for a white family – Salon
Need Help Dealing with Trolls? These Feminists Have 5 Ideas – Everyday Feminism
Beauty & Body Image
If You Think the Dad Bod Phenomenon Is Championing Body-Positivity, Think Again – Here Are 3 Big Reasons We Need to Stop Praising It Now – Everyday Feminism
“You have a body. You may not like it, you may not want it to matter, you may want to distance yourself from it in every possible way, but you cannot deny that as a human being, you have a body. Without that body, other parts of your essential self that you might value and cherish – your kindness, intellect, achievements, creativity, passion, strength, power, insight, talent – would have no home, no base, no medium in which to grow and thrive. Without your body, your non-body identity couldn’t exist.
And since you have a body and as long you’re alive you will always have a body, creating a positive, supportive, nurturing relationship with that body is NOT a waste of your time and energy. Making decisions about how you want to dress or look puts you in touch with your body, teaches you about its shape, and can help you express some of your inner self to the outer world. Each person must approach this relationship in her own way and choose to filter out opinions and advice that feel inauthentic or corrosive. And that may mean avoiding style guidelines, limiting exposure to strongly worded writing about the importance of body love, a media fast. But although your looks should not and do not define your entire worth, you still have a body. And although the conflicting messages about the importance of physical beauty can be painful and confusing, you still have a body. And that body is not separate from your essential self. It is enmeshed with all aspects of your identity.
You have a body. You always will. So it certainly couldn’t hurt to make peace with it.” You Have a Body – Already Pretty
Ready to Heal Your Relationship with Yourself in Eating Disorder Recovery? Try the 5 (Body) Love Languages – Everyday Feminism
The Oddly Obvious Thing I Need to Be Reminded Of – Yes and Yes
“At the root of what many of us are seeking in our lives is a desire for greater ease. Often, however, we confuse the word “ease” with the word “easier”. We think that the more we show up to coaching, the more books we read, the more we journal, and the more we immerse ourselves in personal development, the easier our lives will become.
In doing so, we miss the point.” Level Up: The Difference Between a Life of Ease and an Easy Life – Becoming Who You Are
A Guide for Emotionally Sensitive People – Tiny Buddha
Chronic Illness & Pain
Warm Water Therapy – Arthritis Foundation
“People quickly form judgments around labels, including those given to many medical conditions. If the label for an illness uses language such as “fatigue,” we abstract from our experience and think we know what it’s like to suffer from it.
The trend is to name illnesses and pain conditions by describing their primary signs or symptoms. There may be sound reasons for this trend, but it can lead to inaccurate labeling of people and to unnecessary suffering by those who’ve been diagnosed with the disorder or disease.” A Plea for Truth in Labeling of Medical Conditions – Psychology Today
10 Ways to Lift Your Spirits, Cope & Calm Chronic Pain – The Princess in the Tower
Folate vs Folic Acid – How to Avoid a Dangerous Pregnancy – Paleo for Women
“It’s good for our relationships – there’s just something about a long walk that leads to a long talk. Before we started walking my husband and I did much of our catching up while sharing the front seat of the minivan, but that isn’t really conducive to a family talk and, quite frankly, it isn’t really as romantic when it is just the two of us. Give me holding hands and strolling down Main Street over fighting traffic any day.” Why we walk – Simple Kids
Know Someone with Food Allergies? Here Are 6 Things to Avoid Saying to Them – Everyday Feminism
“Getting in shape is no different. Every time we try to get fit and fail, we learn a little bit more about how the controls work. Maybe we lost a few pounds with strategy A, but failed with strategy B. If we go to the gym for a few weeks and give up, when we come back next time we are familiar with the inner workings, and don’t need to get over the fear of exercising in a public place like the first time.
Each time you start over, you’re getting closer to that point of making things stick.” Why Having to Start Over – AGAIN – Is Great – Nerd Fitness
Natural & Organic Baby Formula Options – Wellness Mama
“The truth is, we’re heavily influenced by the impulses of our evolutionary wiring, but that doesn’t mean we’re helpless against them. Our lucky species developed a reflexive thinking capacity – the ability to observe our own mental states, our own cognitive processes and emotional responses. In short, we can – when we’re willing – observe our own thoughts and motivations with a degree of objectivity.
So, while our primal inclinations are always a factor, they aren’t the only factor – or even necessarily the voice that wins out. In this context, the benefit of understanding our evolutionary default is that we don’t have to do it all the time. We have more options – and can consciously distinguish the underlying sources of our choices.” How Does Ancient Wisdom Intersect with a Primal Perspective? – Mark’s Daily Apple
20 Things You Didn’t Know About Paleo – Chris Kresser
Paleo Flour Tortillas (AIP-friendly) – The Paleo Mom
Chocolate Espresso Irish Moss Pudding – Mark’s Daily Apple
Roasted Carrots with Carrot Top Pesto and Burrata Recipe – Food52
AIP Breakfast Smoothie – Sweet Potatoes and Social Change
Paleo (& Nut-Free) Crispy Chicken Tenders – Lexi’s Clean Kitchen
Grain Free French Bread – Health Starts in the Kitchen