Link Love (2015-08-22)


Why is self-sabotage a manifestation of the mother wound?

  • As a parentified daughter, the mother-bond (love, comfort and safety) was forged in an environment of self-suppression. (Being small = being loved)
  • Thus, there’s a subconscious link between mother-love and self-attenuation.
  • While your conscious mind may want success, happiness, love and confidence–the subconscious mind remembers the dangers of early childhood in which being big, spontaneous or authentic caused painful rejection from the mother.
  • To the sub-conscious mind: rejection by mother = death.
  • To the sub-conscious mind: self-sabotage (being small)  = safety (survival).

That’s why it can feel so hard to love ourselves, because letting go of shame, self-sabotage and guilt feels like letting go of mother. ” When Shame Feels Mothering: The Tragedy of Parentified Daughters – Womb of Light

A Way to Have Conversations That Will Lead to Deeper Relationships – Storyline

“The placebo effect often gets a negative connotation because if a new drug doesn’t work better than a placebo, then it doesn’t work. So, we tend to associate the placebo effect with things that don’t work. This mindset can be useful for testing new drugs, but it tends to hide an important message:
Placebo improvements are still real improvements. Those weren’t real steroids the athletes were given, but those were real gains that they made in the gym. Whether they lifted bigger weights because they actually took steroids or because they merely believed they took steroids, either way they lifted bigger weights.
If you believe something works, then it probably works. But not always for the reasons you thought.” The Power of Placebo: This Is What Happens When You Believe You’re Taking Steroids – James Clear

3 Subtle Signs It’s Time to See a Therapist – Psychology Today

“From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: themasters and the disasters. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages. When the researchers analyzed the data they gathered on the couples, they saw clear differences between the masters and disasters. The disasters looked calm during the interviews, but their physiology, measured by the electrodes, told a different story. Their heart rates were quick, their sweat glands were active, and their blood flow was fast. Following thousands of couples longitudinally, Gottman found that the more physiologically active the couples were in the lab, the quicker their relationships deteriorated over time.” Masters of Love – The Atlantic


Robby Dawkins’ Faith Healing Was Faked, and We Can All Be Grateful For That – Ex-Communications

3. Jesus himself modeled disagreeing with the scriptures.  Jesus got into a lot of hot water for saying things like “You have heard it was said…but I say to you.”  He made a habit of quoting the Bible and then disagreeing with it.  As a Christian I was taught to see this as a privilege uniquely assigned to Jesus, but that only glosses over the fact that he’s still disagreeing with the Bible.  That’s kind of a big deal. Here’s a guy who is supposed to be a model for us in every way, and he’s sticking his neck out and flatly calling the Bible wrong, or at least outdated in one way or another.  He is suggesting there is a better way of thinking about things than what the scriptures of his day prescribed.  That’s pretty revolutionary, and to me it sounds a lot like what the liberals and progressives of Christianity are doing today.  He critically analyzed the ethical apparatus of his own religion and found it lacking, then he spoke up about it. That took a lot of nerve. When people do it today, they get the same kind of hatred that Jesus got from the guardians of orthodoxy in his day, less the concomitant Roman brutality.” The Absurdity of Inerrancy – Godless in Dixie

“Do you know what I’ve learned over the past half decade? When you stop obsessing over sex, it’s really not that big of a deal. There is no lifelong battle to be waged. It turns out that the guys who tend to be obsessed with sex are the ones obsessed with not thinking about it.” How Treating Sexual Thoughts as “Sin” Undermines Relationships – Love, Joy, Feminism

The Perils of Worshipping a Perfectionist God – Godless in Dixie


“Rape is horrifying and dehumanizing. It is the betrayal of what should be an intimate, connective act. It is a violent invasion. It is ultimately about power.
Our natural instinct is to look away when confronted with something that ugly — and that’s why it’s so important for our television shows to hold their gaze. What’s most striking about Orange Is the New Black’s treatment of rape, and what separates it from any other current TV show, is not Pennsatucky’s ordeal, which is all too common and which I’ll get to later, but director Jesse Peretz’s simple, bold decision to keep the camera close and steady on Manning’s face. The struggle is over, and she has lost. She is trapped in a box of the camera’s static frame, her head inching back-and-forth along the horizontal plane of the backseat of a prison van, a lone tear trailing down her cheek as her attacker thrusts from behind — greasy and grunting, dipping in and out of view. As long as she has no escape, as long as she must endure this horrible thing happening to her, we, the audience, will have no choice but to stay with her. She did not invite this. She did not deserve this. This is not her shame; it is ours.” OITNB Is the Only TV Show That Understands Rape – The Vulture

Never Stop Holding Hands: how love took on a monster and one – Consider the Tea Cosy

“I’VE INTERVIEWED A few celebrities in my day, but Laverne Cox is the first to mention “cis-normative, hetero-normative, imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy” within the first ten minutes. Or, you know, at all. By the time we’re done chatting in N.Y.C., I’m convinced that this actress, advocate, artist, thinker, producer, college speaker, “bell hooks-a-phile,” karaoke-slayer (more about that later) and trained dancer ought to add “intellectual badass” to her business card. Because while I entered our meeting as a starstruck fangirl, I left feeling like I’d been taken to church, school, and possibly intersectional feminist heaven. Quite plainly, the woman is a fucking whirlwind of smarts, beauty, and guts.” Laverne Cox Spills On Self-Acceptance, Finding Love & Battling the Patriarchy – BUST

Women Respond to to Nobel Laureate’s ‘Trouble With Girls’ – The New York Times

“Conservatives want to have it both ways. They argue that progressive support of welfare and affirmative action is racist in that it assumes that blacks need these things to succeed. Welfare and affirmative action take away from black agency and get in the way of black progress, they say, and are based in the racist assumption that African Americans are by nature dependent. Conservatives are, they say, all about restoring black agency and removing the chains of dependency—except, of course, when it comes to abortion. When it comes to abortion, African Americans’ agency and ability to make their own choices goes out the window as conservatives paint women of color as dupes participating in their own genocide.” Is Abortion an African-American Genocide? The Problem with Conservatives Citing Margaret Sanger – Love, Joy, Feminism

Beauty & Body Image

“The idea of being “too comfortable” is a fascinating one, really. Policing of comfort is likely linked to the distinctly Western fear of laziness, a state of being that we believe will descend if we spend our entire lives feeling relaxed in our bodies and minds. And while I still believe that dressing for occasions is a rewarding way to set certain events and experiences apart from the everyday, I’m beginning to think that letting people spend more time in their style and body comfort zones could lead to a happier, less anxious population.” Getting Comfortable – Already Pretty

“Much like taking self-portraits, it is one of those places where our inner dialouge comes up, which might make us feel like it is a danger-zone or a place of tenderness. But I believe that those are the same places, the same tools that can help us write a new story and to see ourselves with kindness…because they are so potent.  When we push past the inner critic, kindness does await us on the other side. ” Making Friends with Our Mirror – Be Your Own Beloved

Chronic Health & Illness

“5. “But you look so great.” This is not a beauty contest. Just because I look good in your opinion, look good today or was able to hide behind some good makeup, it doesn’t mean I am not in pain. Just because I can stand and chat today, it doesn’t mean I won’t be having problems getting out of bed tomorrow.

7. “Don’t worry, I am sure things will get better.” You can’t be sure. Yes, deep inside I am hoping the same. I am fighting and not giving up. But without knowing anything about my condition or knowing anything for certain, please, don’t throw such general comment on my way.” 13 Things to Never Say to People Who Suffer from Chronic Pain – Kat Gal – Huffington Post

Eight Key Lifestyle Habits to Support Adrenal Healing – Autoimmune Paleo

“Hypothalamic amenorrhea is the technical name for when the hypothalamus stops sending “go ahead and reproduce!” signals to the pituitary gland. This problem results in infertility, loss of the menstrual cycle, low libido, and many other disruptive symptoms. A staggering 10% of American women suffer from hypothalamic amenorrhea at some point in their lives.” Hypothalamic Amenorrhea Treatment: Everything You Need to Know – Paleo for Women

How Gut Health, PCOS and Fertility Are Connected – Health Light Balance

“A change is coming for endometriosis treatment. Until now, the clinical approach has been surgery followed by hormonal suppression with the Pill or other drugs. Going forward, the approach will shift to anti-inflammatory and immune-modulating treatments. There is growing evidence that endometriosis is not primarily a hormonal condition. It is autoimmune.” Endometriosis is an Autoimmune Disease – Lara Briden


7 Ways to Practice Pleasure This Week – Chris Kresser

“Huffington’s new big idea is that in pursuit of ever-elusive markers of success, we are working ourselves to the point of burnout—that we’ve created a “sweat shop,” with ourselves starring as both the ruthless foremen and the aching workers.” Burnout: The Enemy of Sleep – The Atlantic

An 8 Second Meditation to Cure Anxiety – Over the Moon Magazine

“That old lady with the limp who claims she can predict the weather might be telling the truth because human joints contain sensory nerves called baro-receptors, which are highly attuned to fluctuations in atmospheric pressure, particularly the drops that occur when a rainstorm is about to touch down. It may not be true for everyone, though, as one review concluded that “pain in some individuals is more affected by the weather than others.”
So while it may not be the bones acting as barometers, some folks can definitely feel the weather in their joints.” 7 True Old Wives’ Tales – Mark’s Daily Apple

Hidden Sources of BPA Exposure in Food, Cans and Plastics – Wellness Mama

Today’s mantra: Do I (really) need my traps for that?
I know everyone wants “the corrective exercise” they can do to make their shoulders all better, but instead I challenge you to use your shoulder joint (instead of your spine and scapula) throughout the day. If you apply the little lesson on shoulder stabilization above to the many zillions of things you do throughout the day, you’ll find your shoulders get better much more rapidly than just doing one or two sets of a particular exercise a day. Here are some suggestions on where to look for (and eliminate) that shoulder hike created by the trapezius muscle, which runs between the spine and the shoulder blade.” Want traps with that? – Katy Says

Dealing with Periods of Intense Stress – Whole9


Infused Waters to Keep You Hydrated this Summer – Tasty Yummies

Beef heart and oxtail stew (Paleo, AIP) – Paleo Pumpkin

Strawberry Basil Chicken Flatbread (AIP/Paleo) – Sweet Potatoes and Social Change

How to Make Arugula Pesto – Foodie Crush

Orange & Rose Honey Cake – Autoimmune Paleo

Matheson’s Mandarin Cake – Joanna Frankham

Chocolate Banana Bread (Egg-Free) – The Paleo Mom


  1. Thanks for the share! 🙂


    • You’re very welcome Joanna, and I so appreciate the work you’re doing.


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