Link Love (2015-09-19)
5 Things Men Do that Make Them Less Attractive – Dr NerdLove
“Teachers who aim to control students’ behavior—rather than helping them control it themselves—undermine the very elements that are essential for motivation: autonomy, a sense of competence, and a capacity to relate to others.” What if Everything You Knew About Disciplining Kids Was Wrong? – Mother Jones
The Race Grows Sweeter Near It’s Final Lap – Modern Love – The New York Times
“When you tell little white lies, however harmless they may seem, you are telling your partner, Don’t believe me. Don’t believe me. I will lie to you. I will tell you what you want to hear. Don’t believe me.
Is it any wonder, then, that positive stuff bounces off but negative stuff sticks? You are establishing a precedent that communicates to your partner, straight up, do not trust positive things I say. They are empty words. They do not reflect the reality of what I believe. So how, given that, can we really expect our partners to trust it when we give them affirmation?
Little white lies are corrosive. They communicate a very important truth: I will be dishonest to you to save your feelings.” Some thoughts on little white lies – More Than Two
Impossible Knowledge: Are You an Expert? – Association for Psychological Science
“Dad denied I could possibly be happy, as I had stated I was, because I was too far outside the will of God to experience true happiness. He also said it was his duty as a grandfather to protect his grandchildren from me. I think he believes homosexuality and pedophilia are synonymous. Interestingly, he knew I worked part time as a nanny to help pay for my tuition and living expenses but never expressed concern for those children.” Guest Post: You Can Call Me Rita: Coming Out Lesbian to my Evangelical Parents – Love, Joy, Feminism
“We understand that a belief is just that. It is accepting an idea as true that has no underpinnings to support it. This is why atheism is not a belief system, but rather a lack of belief in someone else’s unproven thoughts, fears, and ideas. If our children rationally decide to believe in God, then they will have, we hope, their own reasons. And they’ll understand that belief in God is ultimately not based on reason, that there is a leap of faith that leaves logic behind.” Freethinking vs Religious Parents: Same or Different? – Kids Without Religion
“Holding a specific set of religious beliefs is different from attempting to force that set of beliefs on everyone else. We have neighbors who are Hindu. If we’re going to have them over, I either nix beef entirely or make sure there are non-beef options. But if these neighbors were to attempt to ban beef from being sold in our local grocery store, I would feel differently. (Not because I care about beef that much, but rather out of the principle of the thing.) Holding a personal belief is one thing. Attempting to force others to abide by your personal belief is another.” Gay Marriage and the Freedom to Offend – Love, Joy, Feminism
“I don’t know what Irishness is. Not really. But I know that a culture that can survive being 20/21 diaspora is one that can handle- can grow and learn from and celebrate- diversity among us. Looking at Irish history, the common thread- the only common thread- is that people have always come here. Our culture and identity survived Christianisation, absorbed the Vikings and assimilated the Normans. We carry those differences around in everything from St Patrick’s constant cameos in our pagan myths to our very names.” Identity Ireland? Xenophobia is Not My Irish Identity – Consider the Tea Cosy
Emotions – Robot Hugs
“Men also use the word just. Men engage in upspeak. Men have vocal fry. Men pepper their sentences with unnecessary “likes” and “sorrys.” I haven’t read any articles encouraging them to change this behavior. The supposed distinctions between men’s and women’s ways of talking are, often, not that distinct. “Forty years after Lakoff’s groundbreaking work, we’ve learned that all such generalizations are over-generalizations: none of them are true for every woman in every context (or even most women in most contexts),” writes feminist linguist and blogger Debbie Cameron. “We’ve also learned that some of the most enduring beliefs about the way women talk are not just over-generalizations, they are — to put it bluntly — lies.” Maybe we don’t sound like a pack of Cher Horowitzes after all.” Can We Just, Like, Get Over the Way Women Talk? – The Cut
How ‘Orange is the New Black’ Misrepresents Women’s Federal Prison (And Why It Matters) – Everyday Feminism
Beauty & Body Image
“Indeed, many trans people do identify with the feeling of being trapped in the wrong skin, and they are perfectly right in doing so. I, however, don’t.
That story is not, has never been, mine. And given the chance to answer the question of why I wanted to medically transition honestly, I would say: (This is a love story between a woman and her body.)” This Trans Woman Never Felt ‘Born In the Wrong Body’ – And Here’s Why That’s So Beautiful – Everyday Feminism
Gender Non-Conforming Purse – Unordinary Style
“I don’t want to body shame anyone, and I’d like to start by stopping the body shaming I do to myself. I’d like to get in the ring with that terribly mean girl that lives in my brain and try to win a few rounds. So, that’s why I’m here, writing this, feeling vulnerable, and showing a picture of myself in a bikini as I am right now, living in this human suit that’s currently forty pounds heavier and feels unfamiliar.. This is my declaration that I don’t have to be ashamed of this body. A pledge to love myself through thick and thin, with no weighty emphasis on either state of being. It’s saying I’m perfectly imperfect, a work in progress, and a girl who wants to feel like her soul outweighs the flesh on her thighs.” A Few Words on Bodyshaming – So… Let’s Hang Out
This Is What It’s Like to Get Fitted for a Bra at Six Different Stores – BuzzFeed
“Careful consideration of your style and wardrobe is all the rage nowadays, isn’t it? That’s great, considering the whole fast-fashion-isn’t-sustainable-and-the-whole-system-is-a-mess thing, and it is refreshingly different from most advice (or, “advice“) found in magazines and ads. So, we write lists, we plan, we discuss, and if you’re a blogger, you might even have drawn a diagram or five. One thing I wish more of us would talk about, though, are guts — not as in “you need them”, but as in “you should trust yours”.” Trust Your Gut – Lost in a Spotless Mind
How to Stay Warm on a Cold-Ass Airplan in the Middle of Summer – Jezebel
Neither Averting Nor Craving in Each Moment – Zen Habits
“I think that society has us programmed to believe that we’re not supposed to ever feel low, or be sad, or lose our cool. You know what I think? I think that’s totally wrong.
Sometimes we’re stressed out. Sometimes we lose a bet. Sometimes we get screwed over. Sometimes we lose a friend to alcoholism. Sometimes we get scared. Sometimes we make a tiny amount of money for way too many hours put into a project. Sometimes we run into the glass wall at the bank as we’re attempting to exit the building. (Who designed those, by the way?)
My point is this: it’s okay to feel low sometimes.” Highs and Lows Are a Part of Life (It’s Okay to Feel Down) – Tiny Buddha
The Real Secret to Reducing Stress – Health Light Balance
Chronic Illness & Pain
“In all honesty, I hadn’t truly accepted my illness. I hadn’t really acknowledged my past illness and thought that if I just ignored my body’s signals and intuition that I’d get better quickly. Frazer was the one who eventually (and it took a hellof a long time, believe me) convinced me that before I went and tried to teach, I had to put myself first. He was so sick of saying it to me that he stopped reminded me about it for a while, because he knew I wasn’t taking it on board. He also taught me that some things can just wait- they don’t have to be done instantly. This went for lesson preparation, housework, emailing someone, you name it. There’s nothing wrong with having fun and relaxing before doing jobs and daily tasks ( I still struggle with this sometimes to be honest- it’s an ongoing practice).” Relationships and CFS – Part 1 – Conquering Fear Spiritually & Part 2
4 Tips for Dealing With Unsolicited Health Advice – Psychology Today
“High fructose consumption has been linked to obesity, insulin resistance, hypertension, fatty liver disease, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndrome and increased cancer risk. And while the topic of fructose is still considered controversial within the scientific community, it won’t be for much longer, thanks to the recent collection of scientific studies finally elucidating the exact mechanisms of the negative health impacts of high fructose consumption. Yes, correlation does not equal causation, at least until we have the mechanistic studies to explain how A causes B. And with fructose, we do.” Is Fructose a Key Player in Chronic Health Problems? – The Paleo Mom
Symptoms of Fibromyalgia Infographic – A Health Blog
My Smartphone Gave Me a Painful Neurological Condition – Gizmodo
“1. Hang out with dogs.
Sorry, cat people. I love cats, and they can certainly provide companionship and free vermin extermination, but we simply don’t share as extensive an evolutionary history with cats as we do with dogs. That’s probably why dogs can judge a person’s emotional state from their facial expression, notice when you’re smiling, and perceive whether we’re happy or disgusted. When you gaze into your dog’s eyes, you’re both getting hit with oxytocin. That’s how deep the bond runs. I don’t know about you, but I’d be careful about severing that bond, or never having it at all. It seems to be intrinsic and essential.” The Primal Laws: 8 Honorable Mentions – Mark’s Daily Apple
Why I Declined Routine Sonograms – Mommypotamus
“Hives, confusion, dizziness, coughing/trouble breathing, migraines, vomiting, and/or seizures are all potential symptoms that result from exposure to chemicals and fragrances.
When you have multiple chemical/fragrance sensitivities, or MCS, the toxins in the air around you can have a direct effect on your well-being.
Chemical/fragrance sensitivities and reactions to them vary from person to person — not just in severity, but also in what triggers reactions. Some people can experience minimal exposure relatively unscathed, while others literally cannot leave their houses.” Get Mad When Folks Ask You to Be Scent-Free? Here Are 8 Things to Consider – Everyday Feminism
Skincare Saturday: Purely Primal Q&A (Histamine Intolerance) – The Purely Primal Skin Care Blog
“But fitness isn’t the only reason to move your body, and being fit is not required for regular movement. I’d like to suggest an important reason for moving that doesn’t necessarily attach itself to an immediately desired outcome: move because you’re supposed to.” I Move, Therefore I Am – Whole9
3 Natural Feminine Hygiene Products That Totally Rock – Coconuts & Kettlebells
A Communion with the Earth: Gardening and Gratitude – On Being
“Yet it turns out there is an art to unlocking new flavors in your food by pairing it with tea. Sipping oolong with a buttery, citrusy madeleine can highlight the flowery and milky notes of the tea, while a hot cup of green tea melts the texture of goat cheese and enhances its creamy notes.
Now a whole new breed of experts has risen up to spread this knowledge: tea sommeliers.” Tea Sommeliers Are the Hot New Thing in Food Pairing – The Salt – NPR
The Best Moment to Salt Your Burgers – The Kitchn
Green Tea Frappucino Recipe – Primally Inspired
Spice Baked Chicken with Black Olives, Orange and Thyme – Autoimmune Paleo
Cheesy Mashed Cauliflower (AIP) – The Whole Life Balance
Raspberry Ice Cream (Paleo, AIP) – Paleo Pumpkin
Ginger Ale for Adults (AIP & Low-FODMAP) – Petra8Paleo
Sage and Fennel Meatballs – Guest Post by Vibrant Life Army Wife – the Paleo Mom