Reflections on 2015
In many ways 2015 has been the most difficult year of my life.
I have gotten increasingly sick, been through countless medical tests, trialled several different medications (all to no avail), and my doctors increasingly consider me a difficult case.
I became unable to work.
I spent a month bedridden, with migraines and throwing up daily, beginning to question whether life was worth living.
I gained 25kg in 3 months thanks to the steroids I have to stay on, because no other medication has been tolerated.
I have in many ways had to give up huge parts of my identity and reconsider my self image.
But in so many ways 2015 has also been one of the best, most beautiful years of my life and so incredibly full of love and support.
Through all of these challenges my partner David has been the most wonderful support, I honestly don’t know how I would’ve managed without him. He has consistently pushed me to truly put myself and my health first.
When I had to give up work, he got me Freya. She’s my constant companion and my light in my day-to-day life, teaching me so many lessons on unconditional love, and just being rather than constantly doing.
In the midst of it all I have also rediscovered my love for all things yarn, first by picking up crocheting again, and then by teaching myself to knit (again, for the first time in almost 20 years). And I discovered that I’m not half bad at it. Being able to learn new skills (like turning the heel on my first sock) has been a big confidence booster, especially on days when I can’t even empty the dishwasher without taking breaks.
It has been a year with so many ups and downs, but most of all, for me, it has been a year full of vulnerability, courage, and above all, love. The culmination of this being the 21st of December, when David and I got married.
I am so grateful and thankful to be starting 2016 with him, with Freya, and with the love and support of my friends and family.
I hope for us all 2016 will be a year where we have the opportunity and the courage to dare to be vulnerable with ourselves – and with each other. That whatever difficulties we might experience, that we may have compassion with ourselves – and with each other.