Link Love (2016-01-30)
““It will never be okay,” a friend who lost her mom in her teens said to me a couple years ago. “It will never be okay that our mothers are dead.”
At the time she said this to me she wasn’t yet really my friend. We’d chatted passingly at parties, but this was the first time we were alone together. She was fiftysomething and I was forty. Our moms had been dead for ages. We were both writers with kids of our own now. We had good relationships and fulfilling careers. And yet the unadorned truth of what she’d said—it will never be okay—entirely unzipped me.
It will never be okay, and yet there we were, the two of us more than okay, both of us happier and luckier than anyone has a right to be. You could describe either one of us as “joy on wheels,” though there isn’t one good thing that has happened to either of us that we haven’t experienced through the lens of our grief. I’m not talking about weeping and wailing every day (though sometimes we both did that). I’m talking about what goes on inside, the words unspoken, the shaky quake at the body’s core. There was no mother at our college graduations. There was no mother at our weddings. There was no mother when we sold our first books. There was no mother when our children were born. There was no mother, ever, at any turn for either one of us in our entire adult lives and there never will be.” Dear Sugar: The Black Arc of It – The Rumpus
Noy Thrupkaew: Human trafficking is all around you. This is how it works – TED
“In this way, Diderot explains how new consumption often leads to further consumption. But more than that, he argues that we begin identifying with our possessions and search for new things that fit into our specific mold. The purchase of fashion, he would argue, is rarely about the functional use of clothing—it’s not just about finding thread to cover our bodies. Instead, the purchase of clothing (and everything else) represents an opportunity for self-expression.” Understanding the Diderot Effect (and How to Overcome It) – Becoming Minimalist
Why the U.S. rating on the World Happiness Report is lower than it should be – and how to change it – The Washington Post
“7. That itch from your warm winter woolies? Most likely it’s sensitivity to thicker (and coarser) fiber diameter or fiber ends, not a wool allergy, which is practically unknown.” 20 Things You Didn’t Know About… Wool – Discover Magazine
Popularity 101 (How to Be Awesome) – Dr NerdLove
“It’s still humans who are doing the song selection and arranging, but instead of outside experts, it’s users like you and me. Generating a human-curated playlist for each of Spotify’s users would be a challenge of mammoth proportion. “We probably can’t hire enough editors to do that,” says Ogle. So Spotify uses each of its users as one cog in a company-wide curatorial machine. “The answer was staring us in the face: playlists, since the beginning, have been more or less the basic currency of Spotify. Users have made more than 2 billion of them.” In effect, Discover Weekly sidesteps the man versus machine debate and delivers the holy grail of music recommendation: human curation at scale.” How Spotify’s Discovery Weekly cracked human curation at internet scale – The Verge
Christianity & Doug Wilson
Doug Wilson’s Pedophile Problem: Sex Offender for Whom Wilson Begged Leniency Back in Court With Infant Son
Doug Wilson’s Pedophile Problem: The Root of the Issue
Doug Wilson Explains Why He Oversaw Wedding of Serial Child Molester
Doug Wilson: Steven Sitler Is Not a Child Rapist
Doug Wilson: Jamin Wight Not a “Sexual Predator”
Doug Wilson’s Plagiarism Problem
“The thing about trauma is that it creates inherently unreliable witnesses. Victims tell as much as they can bear to tell, in that moment, and perhaps even as much as they can remember. Memories can be hazy and dim until the second that the curtain is lifted and the body is thrust back into the moment of abuse. There is no such thing as one way of processing trauma, and there is no perfectly linear path to recovery, either. Victims lie to themselves and blame themselves, and sometimes they even lie and tell others that it was their fault, too. But none of these things change the reality of what was done to them.
While victims make terrible witnesses, abusers are the perfect witnesses. They are calculated and smooth, and they are willing to lie about absolutely every detail. They paint themselves as the victims of false accusations and even though we know that sexual assault and rape are highly underreported crimes, and that false allegations are estimated at only 2-8%, it is somehow easier to believe them than their victims.” I’m Not The Crazy Ex: What We Need to Learn From the McLeod Rape Case – Ravishly
Here’s a Touching Film to Show How to Support Your Gender Non-Confirming Child – Everyday Feminism
“The fact of the matter is that comics has had a sexual harassment problem almost since its inception and one that continues until today. As with many cases of sexual harassment, the perpetrators are frequently protected by their superiors while the victims are pressured to keep silent. It’s not just that issues of abuse or sexual harassment get pointedly ignored or go unaddressed1 but that the companies will take steps to protect the harassers rather than the victims. In a no-holds barred post to her tumblr, comics writer Alex de Campi aimed both barrels at Marvel and DC Comics for harboring and protecting known harassers:” Sexual Harassment and the Toxic Culture of Comics – Dr NerdLove
If You Hate the Idea of ‘Female Viagra’ So Much, Then Don’t Take It – Role / Reboot
“I believe sex is a gift that allows us to connect with others (and ourselves) for a night, for a lifetime or just for 25 minutes during our lunch break. I believe sex and pleasure are nothing short of magical and transformative. I believe queer people have been appointed by some higher power to help change the way that our society thinks about sex. And I refuse to believe that just because queer people are increasingly being folded into the mainstream, we should give up fighting for all of the things we’ve been fighting for all these years. The goal has never been to get the same rights as non-queer people so we could be just like non-queer people, even though some, like Caramanno, might argue otherwise. We’re supposed to be leading by example and showing that sex is not scary, sex is not dirty, sex doesn’t need to be with just one partner and in a healthy, happy society, sex should be an important and inspiring way of connecting with one another. If I had it my way we’d have sex shops in every neighborhood right next to the local McDonald’s and we’d talk about sex in every school and we wouldn’t give films with sexual content NC-17 ratings while slapping PG-13 ratings on mindnumbingly violent films.” I’m a Gay Man Who Loves Sex (And Here’s Why That’s Suddenly a Problem) – Huffington Post
Beauty & Body Image
3 Toxic Messages Behind Seemingly Uplifting Body Positive Mantras – And How to Drop Them – Everyday Feminism
“If gender neutral clothes are only made for and marketed to the parents of little girls, it is less a sign of gender equality and more an indication of the misogyny that is so ambient in our culture. There is such a devaluing of anything traditionally feminine that we’d rather chuck it out triumphantly than ever demean our boys with it.” Everybody in dresses: Why does gender neutral clothing always mean ‘boy’ clothes for girls? – National Post
How to Deal with the Misguided Stigma Against Women’s Body Hair – Everyday Feminism
“Many choices we make in life—ranging from what we do, to how we conduct ourselves, and who we interact with—are subject to prying questions and commentary from those around us. Family members, friends, and even total strangers, it often seems like everyone has an opinion on the things we do, no matter how small or insignificant those things might seem to us.
Sometimes people go so far as to ask you to explain yourself for the decisions or choices you make in your own life. You might feel obliged to respond, but some things are really no one else’s business and you don’t owe anyone an explanation at all for the following 15 things—though you think you do.” 15 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone At All (Though You Think You Do) – The Open Mind
10 Commandments to Help You Own Your Life – Elephant Journal
“Really, most of us are too self-absorbed to be making decisions in reaction to other people’s! We’re all doing the best we can, making the choices that work best for who we are right now. We’re making those choices because we want to.
So let’s make a pact. Next time someone makes a choice that runs counter to our own or brings out our less pleasant, more defensive side, let’s take a deep breath and remember: it’s not about us. My choices are not a commentary on yours. And vice versa.” The simple truth is: my choices are not a commentary on yours – Yes and Yes
7 Triggers of Over-stimulation and Over-sensitivity: How to Manage The So You Can Be With People – Brenda Knowles
“The truth is that self-discipline is helpful. It enables us to get s*** done, it helps to build our self-esteem (actions aligned with principled goals = higher self-esteem), and, depending on where we choose to exercise self-discipline within our lives, it leaves us healthier, more learned, more self-aware, higher performing, more satisfied, as well as many other warm and fuzzy outcomes.” The Art of Self-Discipline – Becoming Who You Are
Chronic Illness & Pain
Is Your Impatience an Obstacle to Healing? – Autoimmune Paleo
“Misconception #4: If chronically ill people are enjoying themselves, they must feel okay.
When an important occasion arises, people who are chronically ill have learned to put up with the symptoms of illness, including terrible pain, so they can try to enjoy what they’re doing, especially the enriching experience of being in the company of others. Please don’t assume that a person who is laughing is a person who is pain-free, ache-free, or otherwise feeling good physically.” Six Common Misconceptions About the Chronically Ill – Psychology Today
Correcting UCS That Affects 90% of Fibromyalgia Sufferers – The Fibro Guy
“I now know that far, far too little is known about endometriosis. But what I do also know is: it exists in women with and without children. It exists in young girls and old women, women with careers and women who have stayed at home. In all countries, at all socioeconomic levels.
I am sorry that I haven’t spoken about my disease more. I feel ashamed that I haven’t learnt more about it. I feel frustrated that invasive surgery is the only diagnostic test and that therefore so many women go undiagnosed. I feel angry that so many women still receive bad advice and ineffective treatment. I feel sad that this is the hardest story I’ve ever written and that I’m embarrassed that people will read it and know these intimate details of my life.
Mostly, I am filled with rage that a disease that affects 176 million women is one most people have never heard of. But I’m also hopeful that a conversation has begun.” ‘I’m not a hypochondriac. I have a disease. All these things that are wrong with me are real, they are endometriosis’ – The Guardian
How to Relieve Pain Without Taking Medications that Can Wreck Your Health – Aviva Romm
“Our chronic illness is something we go to the doctor and discuss. Our chronic illness is what we treat with the medications and supplements. But our invisible illness is what affects how we deal with the world around us in regard to our body and its limitations.” Invisible Illness or Chronic Illness? What’s the Difference? – Huffington Post
Natural Posture Principles for Health and Pain Relief – Mercola
“With the uptick in eating out, we’ve also opened up whole new arenas of human handling and mass food processing risks as well. These days, however, 80% of foodborne illnesses come from somewhere other than home.
The next logical question seems to be what foods are the most risky. Oddly, meats are overseen by a different agency (USDA) than most other foods (FDA), but experts have been clear that the majority of food poisoning cases stem from meats – especially beef and poultry. Ground beef, in particular, can be risky because a single burger can contain parts from various parts of various cows, increasing the chance of contamination. Pathogens can originate through everything from livestock feedwater to unclean fields/lots to contaminated processing equipment.” What You Need to Know About Foodborne Illness – Part 1- Mark’s Daily Apple & Part 2: Kitchen Strategies
5 Ways to Avoid Chlorine in the Home
“Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) affects 15 percent of the U.S. population and is the second leading cause of missed work (behind only the common cold), but conventional treatments are ineffective because they only address the symptoms. Find out what really causes IBS so you can get well and stay well without unnecessary drugs.” 5 Causes of IBS Your Doctor May Not Be Looking For – Chris Kresser
5 Flu Natural Remedies – Dr Axe
“I’m hardly alone. Many of my friends who battle anxiety — and even those that don’t have a mood disorder — say the first few weeks of autumn are especially difficult for them. Ginny Scully, a therapist in Wales, sees so many clients with feelings of anticipation and nervousness during the last week of August through the first weeks of September that she coined the term “autumn anxiety.” Highly sensitive persons (HSPs), as defined by Elaine Aron, PhD, in The Highly Sensitive Person, are especially prone to anxiety during the fall because any kind of shift can throw off their fragile neurological systems — and the seasonal changes of autumn and anxiety are most dramatic. Autumn is full of new things: new schedules, new jobs, new schools, new assignments. It’s no wonder why some of us experience heart palpitations trying to process it all. Here are a few techniques I’m using this year to keep my anxiety in check during the season. May yours be as calm as possible, too!” Autumn Anxiety Is Real, and Treatable – Huffington Post
Fight Inflammation With These 4 Foods – Mind Body Green
Kale Pesto – Autoimmune Paleo
Paleo Chai Pumpkin Spice Latte – Paleo Hacks
Slow Cooker Beef Short Ribs with Rosemary and Black Olives – Chris Kresser
Easy Apple Fritters – Mommypotamus
Egg Drop Soup – Wellness Mama
Gluten-free Corn Dog – Against All Grain