Link Love (2016-03-19)
“In spite of my fears, I didn’t regret having a baby. My son’s body against mine was the clarity I never had. The first few weeks of his life, I felt honestly rattled by the knowledge of how close I’d come to opting to live my life without him. It was a penetrating, relentless, unalterable thing, to be his mother, my life ending and beginning at once.
If I could go back in time I’d make the same choice in a snap. And yet, there remains my sister life. All the other things I could have done instead. I wouldn’t know what I couldn’t know until I became a mom, and so I’m certain there are things I don’t know because I can’t know because I did. Who would I have nurtured had I not been nurturing my two children over these past seven years? In what creative and practical forces would my love have been gathered up? What didn’t I write because I was catching my children at the bottoms of slides and spotting them as they balanced along the tops of low brick walls and pushing them endlessly in swings? What did I write because I did? Would I be happier and more intelligent and prettier if I had been free all this time to read in silence on a couch that sat opposite of Mr. Sugar’s? Would I complain less? Has sleep deprivation and the consumption of an exorbitant number of Annie’s Homegrown Organic Cheddar Bunnies taken years off of my life or added years onto it? Who would I have met if I had bicycled across Iceland and hiked around Mongolia and what would I have experienced and where would that have taken me?
I’ll never know and neither will you of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.” Dear Sugar: #71: The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us – The Rumpus
5 Mindsets to Change Your Money Habits Once and For All – Creative Money
“The problem of the world economy today — and the only thing we lack — is demand. We have the technology, trained labor, natural resources we require. The one thing in short supply is customers. During the Golden Age, rising wages created demand. During the more recent Reagan/Thatcher era, increased debt allowed the economy to grow. Today, with wages flat and borrowing discouraged, we are unable to create demand sufficient to goose the system to its full employment potential.
Paradoxically, the most popular policy prescription remains austerity, a treatment whose efficacy was disproven last time the economy was in this bad shape. Austerity does make intuitive sense: if households and firms are tightening their belts, so should government. If I am in debt, hiring men to dig holes in my garden and then fill them would be insane. But what is true for you and me individually is not true for the economy as a whole. My workers are your customers. If I hire them, they will spend money in your store. If I fire them, your sales will decrease.” A New Golden Age Part II: The Path to Prosperity – The Los Angeles Review of Books
Columbus Never Found America and 4 Other Awkward Facts About Columbus Day – Ravishly
“When was the last time you saw a charity campaign asking people with hobbies such as carpentry, embroidery, sculpting or painting, to create a throwaway object in order to ‘raise awareness’? I doubt that you have and I doubt that you will. So why do knitters get targeted? Do the marketing and PR departments of charities think that knitters have nothing better to do with their skills, time and resources than make small hats for drinks bottles? Why do these campaigns always fall to the knitters and why do we keep entertaining them?
When I was growing up charity knitting used to be about creating small whimsical items from leftover odds and ends to sell at school sales and church fetes to raise funds for a community project. I remember bringing hand-knitted hat and scarf sets home for my Sindy dolls, and in later years knitting them myself to be sold. When did the tide change and knitters began to be called upon to create such pointless items as hats for drinks bottle that do far more to promote a huge corporation than the actual charity itself?
Jane Crowfoot raised an additionally good point regarding the throwaway nature of so many of these campaigns: ‘These projects go against what we teach our children about waste & environment.’ Does anyone know what happens to all those little drinks bottle hats once The Big Knit is over for another year – I suspect at least 99% of them go in the bin. What a waste of time and resources, especially when Innocent are a large enough company to make a quiet and perfectly legal tax-deductible, charitable donation without this silly and pointless campaign.” the knitters will do it – My Life In Knitwear
“Because Alex is right. Although the loudest voices in our community are often obnoxiously privileged, those of us who feel free to dip in and out of atheist communities as we please also have a privilege we often don’t realise. I live in a state whose institutions are still grossly entangled with the Catholic Church. But I can’t remember the last time that that affected my daily life. Nobody I interact with daily cares one jot about my lack of religious beliefs. Plenty of my family are atheists, and most of the rest couldn’t care less that I am. Nobody tells me that I’m going to hell. Nobody thinks less of me. I’ve never feared rejection from them. I’ve never even had to defend my atheism to a single one of them.
And I forgot that that’s not the case for everyone.” I Don’t Care About Being an Atheist (and maybe I should rethink that) – Consider the Tea Cosy
“A Christian website that gives advice to couples about how to live by the Bible’s “gender roles” recently advised men that they should not look at their wives’ faces during sex if she engaged in intercourse “begrudgingly.”” Christian Website: Don’t look at your wife’s face during sex to enjoy it even when she resists – Raw Story
“In that time, I have noticed a common thread among the victims. In the vast majority of the cases, the victims belonged to either a church or a culture that emphasized the submission of women to men – often both. The city and county in which I live and practice is home to many immigrants from all over the world, and most of them come from “traditional” cultures. Our county also tends to be conservative, and has a high rate of church attendance. We also have a relatively high rate of poverty, which is also associated with domestic violence. All of these contribute, of course.” On Domestic Violence: How Conservative Christianity has Chosen Patriarchal Gender Roles Over the Protection of Victims – Diary of an Autodidact
“So let’s break this down. Here’s what society tells women about marriage. (I just want the young girls to have something to look forward to):
Ladies, you have profound emotional needs but men don’t need to meet them because they’re a sign of your flawed brain. We value reason and logic in this country. Act like an American! If you go out and find a man to be with because your emotional needs aren’t being met, you are a lying whore and family-ruiner.
Men have profound sex needs and you must meet them because you have a vagina and they want it. If you don’t give them that vagina, they will have no choice but to run out and find another vagina. This will be your fault because you locked away what’s theirs. Way to be a family-ruiner.” Hey! Let’s stop telling women to have sex against their will! Sweet Thanks! – Renegade Mothering
3 Reasons to Doubt the Most Widely Believed Biology-Based Gender Myths – Everyday Feminism
“A former staff writer describes how a media company founded on whistleblowing and radical transparency failed its female employees.” On Gawker’s Problem With Women – Matter – Medium
The Japanese Government Offered to Pay Companies Money to Promote Women – and Not One Took It – The Atlantic
“Let’s not even talk about how patronizing that is. I’m saying it here, and I’m saying it now: Do not touch me without my permission. Ever. The same thing goes for my chair.
It happens a lot, though — random people thinking they have the right to touch me or my chair without asking or even ever speaking to me. Random strangers will pat me on the head as they walk by. Sometimes it’s a shoulder grab. People seem to have this really annoying habit of touching me. More often than not, the random awkward touching by strangers is also accompanied by a patronizing comment like, “You’re so inspiring,” or “You’re so brave” or my personal favorite, “You’re such a pretty girl.” I do not exist as a symbol of bravery or inspiration, and I certainly don’t exist to be touched without my permission.
How would you like it if people just came up to you and started grabbing at you without ever asking? It’s not flattering. It’s not kind. Honestly, it’s uncomfortable and sometimes even frightening.” To the People Who Think It’s OK to Touch Me or My Wheelchair Without Asking – The Mighty
Beauty & Body Image
“There is something specific about the intimacy of naked. It’s raw, real and transparent. When you stand before another in only your skin, there is no where to hide. It’s beautiful.
But is it empowering? Is it empowering to take that intimacy to the “next level” and share it with the world? Are nude photo shoots another way to dehumanize and objectify women or is it the opposite?
The answer to me is clear as a bell: The empowerment lies in the autonomy of choice.
But here’s the trick: It doesn’t depend on what you think about the woman and her choices, it depends on what she thinks. My friend Jessi Kneeland wrote this beautiful post about her desire to get naked. She waxes poetic on her childhood desire to run around naked, and how glorious she feels in her skin. She doesn’t want it to be misinterpreted as a sexual act but let go of the notion that she can control others’ gaze. I get it. It’s for her.” Is nudity empowering? – Erin Brown
Dress Codes and Preteen Girls: A Reader Asks – Love, Joy, Feminism
“We make assumptions about people based on race, religion, sex, gender. We assume that if someone is fat, they must be unhealthy. If they are thin, they must be healthy. If they don’t have any children, they must not want any. If they have 19 children, they must be stupid. If they stay home, they love their children. If they chose career, they must be selfish/can’t stand their children/are greedy.
We assume a lot about people, and especially about their bodies. Maybe it somehow seems more reasonable to make assumptions about the things we can see. What do we assume about a woman? About her body? There are stories behind those bodies, beyond the assumptions. Do we honor them?” A Tale of Ten Tummies: Stretchmarked, Saggy, Wrinkled, Toned, Taut – Ravishly
“The parent in me feels like a failure because I’m not being respected. The parent in me gets angry because I feel out of control and I’m supposed to be “in charge.” And the human in me feels just plain sad, because the morning just got a whole lot harder.
But the psychologist in me is secretly thrilled he said “No.”
Because the inability to say “No”—the inability to set personal boundaries—is one of the most common, insidious causes of human suffering.
When we can’t say “No,”
we become a sponge for the feelings of everyone around us and we eventually become saturated by the needs of everyone else while our own hearts wilt and die,
we begin to live our lives according to the forceful should of others, rather than the whispered, passionate want of our own hearts,
we let everyone else tell us what story to live and we cease to be the author of our own lives,
we lose our voice—we lose the desire planted in our souls and the very unique way in which we might live out that desire in the world,
we get used by the world instead of being useful in the world,” The Reason Every Kid Should Talk Back to Their Parents – UnTangled
How to Give Experiences Instead of Gifts – Wellness Mama
“And in the midst of those pages, I learned that gaslighting – my partner’s technique of making me doubt my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions – was an abusive manipulation tactic. For the first time, I saw why his behavior stressed me out. And it wasn’t because I was a bad partner.
If you can identify any of these six patterns in your own relationship, you may not be a bad partner either. You may simply have been manipulated into believing you are one. If you find yourself in that position, I hope this list helps you the way The Verbally Abusive Relationshiphelped me: by providing an explanation for your distress other than your own inadequacy.”7 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Might Be Manipulative – Everyday Feminism
5 Signs You’re in a Relationship that Will Last – According to Psychology – Thought Catalog
“The point being is that the behavior you’re engaging in is fairly classic; you’re prioritizing somebody else’s approval and affection for you that you throw yourself at them like a lovesick puppy and calling it “love”. Except that’s not love. That’s desperation and it’s actually incredibly selfish. You’re not devoting yourself to somebody, you’re trying to make them love you by doing everything for them and making everything about your relationship with them. I’d suspect – especially if you’re anything like me when my depression was at it’s worst – that when you’re in your “hopelessly in love” state, you’re always wanting to talk to them for hours, always doing things for them, always worried that you’ve said the wrong thing and wanting to spend every single waking moment with them. When you’re with them, I’d imagine you’re incredibly physically affectionate, always wanting to hold hands or keep your arm around them or kiss or what-have-you.
That may feel like you’re being a devoted, affectionate boyfriend. But to everyone else – especially your girlfriends – this is incredibly smothering. You’re continually asking for reassurance, clinging to them as though you’re worried that she might get away and always afraid that if she talks to somebody else, she might leave you for them. A lot of the behavior you think is sacrificial and devoted is really demanding that she take responsibility for your emotional well-being and that’s a hell of a lot to ask of a partner, especially a new relationship.” Am I Loving the Wrong Way? – Ask Dr NerdLove
Chronic Illness & Pain
A Chronic Wedding – Autoimmunity Girl
“If you let it, life with chronic illness can become all about “I can’t”. You start to focus on all the things that you previously enjoyed or used to be able to do that your illness no longer allows you to, leading to feelings of bitterness and resentment. But there is another option too. Start living! You can live the life you want. It’s down to you to create your own story and you will get from life exactly what you put in. You can live a kick ass life with chronic illness and here’s 6 ways to get you started.” 6 Ways to Start Living the Life You Want – February Stars
Mayo’s POTS Treatment Plan – Lethargic Smiles
“There’s tired, there’s exhaustion and there’s fatigue.
Healthy people are pleasantly tired after a day of outdoor activities — volleyball, swimming, skiing, taking a jog along the beach at sunset.
A good night’s sleep and they can get up and do it again.
Now if that same person were — with no training — to take on an Iron Man Triathlon. They’d be exhausted, but with a few days rest be back to normal.
Imagine waking up every morning feeling like you’d been in that triathlon.
Your eyes open in the morning but your brain is begging them to close again and go back to sleep.
Sadly, even if you do, when you do finally keep your eyes open the rest of your body is still tired. You could do nothing but stay home and rest for days at a time and still be tired.
That’s fatigue.” There’s tired, there’s exhaustion – then there’s FATIGUE: The Difference – Creaky Joints
Guide on How to Properly Deal with Arthritis – Alternative Healing Tips
“It’s no secret that in recent decades soil minerals have become depleted, and because of this, our food quality has declined. We are seeing record amounts of plastic pollution, chemical exposure, and lower nutrient levels. It is becoming incredibly difficult to find nutrient dense food for our families, and it is debatable whether or not it’s even possible to get enough nutrients solely from food anymore.” Benefits of Fulvic and Humic Acid on Nutrient Levels – Wellness Mama
Top 10 Tea Tree Oil Uses and Benefits – Dr Axe
“How you do one thing is how you do everything.
How you position your head the majority of your day, including your sleep time, is one of the biggest factors in neck pain, and is often the most overlooked.
Your muscles respond to the signals they receive.
No matter what that signal is, your muscles will respond. Even if that response puts you in a significant movement hole in the future.
If you always send the signal that your skull belongs in front of your spine, your neck muscles, which were designed to keep your skull stacked on top of your spine, will alter their length in order to accommodate this new position.
The muscles in the front of your neck will shorten, the muscles in the back of your neck will lengthen (and subsequently tense up in order to try and restore order in that area). They will accommodate your new head & neck position, despite the fact that this new position increases the stress on the vertebrae and discs of your spine.
Despite the fact that the weight of your head on your spine increases the farther out in front of your spine it sits.
Despite the fact that your breathing will eventually be compromised by the change in shape of your neck.
Your muscles will respond to the stimuli you send them.” How To Relieve Neck and Shoulder Tension – Fit for Real Life
7 Key Yoga Poses to Learn – The Paleo Mom
“This isn’t a modern phenomenon. Humans and bacteria have been embroiled in the antibiotic arms race for at least as long as we’ve had modern antibiotics. Heck, a few months after penicillin was released to the general public, scientists identified several strains of staph that had developed complete resistance. This happens every time. An antibiotic is released, bacteria become resistant, a new antibiotic comes out to counter the resistance, the bacteria develop resistance to the new drug. It never ends, and because their generations are so much shorter than ours, the bacteria have the advantage.
So, are we doomed? Will antibiotic-resistant superbacteria take over the world? Will bacterial biofilms blanket the globe, supplant nations, and battle each other for global supremacy? Will the few human survivors be forced into personal bubbles, impermeable to any and all microbes, gathering resources until the chosen one (who looks a lot like Keanu Reeves) emerges to lead a Purel-soaked rebellion against the microbial overlords?” Antibiotic Resistance: Are We All Doomed? – Mark’s Daily Apple
Up Your Black Tea Game Beyond English Breakfast – Serious Eats
“Magic cakes are made simply of eggs, sugar, flour, butter and milk. So what’s magic about that, you might ask. There may be nothing unusual about the ingredients, but the magic in these cakes happens in the baking. The batter of the cake is very liquid, so it divides into three layers by itself, each with its own texture and flavour:
- the base of the cake is a dense, moist cake base
- a light delicate cream forms in the middle
- the top layer is a lovely light Genoise sponge”
Magic cake recipes – The Telegraph
Tea Tuesdays: Matcha-maker, Matcha-maker, Make Me Some Tea – The Salt – NPR
“I grew up foraging. We were very poor, and much of our food came from what we could grow in our yard, fish or pick from the ocean (one of many benefits of growing up by the ocean), and collect from woods, road sides, and unmaintained parks in our neighborhood. As a 5-year old, I knew at least six types of berries, three types of edible mushrooms, a couple of edible wild roots, and at least five types of edible flowers, including the ubiquitous dandelion flowers, buds and greens. While foraging came out of necessity during my childhood, I do it now for an appreciation of the unique flavors and unmatched nutrients these foods contain.” Wild Edibles: Superfoods in Your Own Backyard – The Paleo Mom
The Best Way to Soften Dried Fruit – The Kitchn
Spiced Paleo Pumpkin Bread – Paleo Hacks
Cranberry-Glazed Chicken -Autoimmune Paleo
Marshmallow S’more Tart Recipe – Against All Grain
Easy Paleo Broccoli Recipe – Popular Paleo
Healthy Coconot Milk Irish Cream Recipe – Wellness Mama
How to Cook a Pastured Turkey – The Prairie Homestead
On the Blog
Quick Reads March 2016
#NoMakeupSelfie + Cancer Awareness?