Link Love (2016-03-26)
Yesterday was Freya’s ‘puppiversary’, one year since we picked her up.
Freya as a tiny puppy
Paris and Beirut Attacks – Don’t Blame Just “The Media” for Unequal Coverage – Cosmopolitan
“What you get when you buy a £3 pattern is an awful lot of time and energy and skill and expertise and creativity, all rolled into one. If you can’t afford to pay that, I totally understand, because I couldn’t either. But please don’t expect our patterns to be free; please respect our right to charge for our work and our time. Yarn companies can afford to give patterns away for free because they’re loss-leaders to them; they’re trying to sell you the yarn and the pattern costs are hidden. That’s not the case for us. When you buy a pattern from an independent designer, you are directly supporting a small business, an individual’s creativity and maybe even helping a young family like ours.” The true cost of a pattern – Woolly Wormhead
4 Ways to Retrain Your Brain to Handle Information Overload – FastCompany
“As Helsinki-based teacher and writer Tim Walker explores in a new story published this week by The Atlantic, Finnish schools — where students begin “preschool” at age 6 — prioritize play-based learning opportunities such as arts and crafts over desk work like handwriting and reading early in a student’s education. In two examples Walker offers, educators set up a make-believe ice cream shop and encourage students to make play forts.
“Play is a very efficient way of learning for children,” Arja-Sisko Holappa of the Finnish National Board of Education explained to Walker. “And we can use it in a way that children will learn with joy.”” Finnish Kids Don’t Learn to Read in Kindergaten. They Turn Out Great Anyway. – Huffington Post
Promeowses – Robot Hugs
Starbucks’ Red Cup and the Evangelicals Who Cried Wolf – Love, Joy, Feminism
“The site’s contributors all wholeheartedly support the exact same definition of modesty: it’s 100% the women’s responsibility to make sure she’s not tempting the men around her into sin by simply existing. The “clothing retailers” section features modest prom dresses, bridal gowns, skirts, and swimwear, and the site gives away a free skirt once a month. Where are the modest options for men? Nonexistent, because only ladies are supposed to militantly monitor the way they dress. Under the quote section, you’ll find sayings such as, “Modesty in a woman is a virtue most deserving, since we do all we can to cure her of it.” Oooh, deep! What about modesty in a man? They’re just born inherently modest, we guess.” Batshit Ridiculous Modesty Website Reminds You That Women You Can’t Win – Jezebel
Christian Website Advises Avoiding Wife’s Face if She’s Not Into Sex – Jezebel
No, Medicaid and Title X Do Not Subsidize Abortions – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Your words and callousness aren’t hurting Caitlyn Jenner. She’s largely been accepted. Your words are hurting your classmates who have to keep reminding people of their proper pronouns. Your words are hurting your loved ones who want to tell you they’re ready to transition. Your words are oppressing trans women who aren’t cis passing, who don’t have the financial means and fan base of Caitlyn Jenner. Your words are triggering and bruising black trans women who are already legitimately afraid they’ll be killed for walking out of the house in makeup and a stilettos. Caitlyn Jenner is not the one you’re hurting.
So please, call Caitlyn out on all her bullshit. I welcome it. I encourage. I do it. Lambaste her for her politics in direct opposition to what’s best for the trans people she has a responsibility to help protect. Mock her ridiculous one liners about the superficial shit she thinks being a woman means. Drag her for her neglect of the trans community. CALL.HER.ASS.OUT. But please, call her Caitlyn.” Call Her Out, But Call Her Cait: Caitlyn Jenner and Why I’m Never Here for Transphobia – The Kinfolk Kollective
Misstress Matisse is Doing the Lord’s Work on Behalf of Sex Workers – Playboy
“Not only did the extra income appear to lower the instance of behavioral and emotional disorders among the children, but, perhaps even more important, it also boosted two key personality traits that tend to go hand in hand with long-term positive life outcomes.
The first is conscientiousness. People who lack it tend to lie, break rules and have trouble paying attention. The second is agreeableness, which leads to a comfort around people and aptness for teamwork. And both are strongly correlated with various forms of later life success and happiness.
The researchers also observed a slight uptick in neuroticism, which, they explained, is a good sign. Neuroticism is generally considered to be a positive trait so long as one does not have too much of it.
“We’re talking about all sorts of good, positive, long-term things,” said Emilia Simeonova, a professor at Johns Hopkins University who studies the economics of health, and one of the paper’s co-authors. “There are very powerful correlations between conscientiousness and agreeableness and the ability to hold a job, to maintain a steady relationship. The two allow for people to succeed socially and professionally.”
Remarkably, the change was the most pronounced in the children who were the most deficient. “This actually reduces inequality with respect to personality traits,” said Akee. “On average, everyone is benefiting, but in particular it’s helping the people who need it the most.”” The Remarkable Thing that Happens to Poor Kids When You Give Their Parents a Little Money – The Washington Post
Women legislators turn the tables and introduce bills regulating men’s reproductive health – Daily Kos
“Here I am, old, when I wrote this I was sixty years old, “a sixty-year-old smiling public man,” as Yeats said, but then, he was a man. And now I am over seventy. And it’s all my own fault. I get born before they invent women, and I live all these decades trying so hard to be a good man that I forget all about staying young, and so I didn’t. And my tenses get all mixed up. I just am young and then all of a sudden I was sixty and maybe eighty, and what next?
Not a whole lot.
I keep thinking there must have been something that a real man could have done about it. Something short of guns, but more effective than Oil of Olay. But I failed. I did nothing. I absolutely failed to stay young. And then I look back on all my strenuous efforts, because I really did try, I tried hard to be a man, to be a good man, and I see how I failed at that. I am at best a bad man. An imitation phony second-rate him with a ten-hair beard and semicolons. And I wonder what was the use. Sometimes I think I might just as well give the whole thing up. Sometimes I think I might just as well exercise my option, stop short in front of the five-barred gate, and let the nazi fall off onto his head. If I’m no good at pretending to be a man and no good at being young, I might just as well start pretending that I am an old woman. I am not sure that anybody has invented old women yet; but it might be worth trying.” Ursula K. Le Guin on Being a Man – Brain Pickings
Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards Is Not Overpaid. Here’s Why. – Love, Joy, Feminism
Relationships & Sex
“Toxic masculinity says that a man is only as good as what he can accomplish.
When it comes to sex, this can often mean “To be a man, I have to achieve orgasm/ejaculation” or “I have to win as many sex partners as I can.”
These days, it can also mean “I have to give my partner the most intense pleasure possible.” Because if she has a body-shaking orgasm, it’s a mark of his skill and prowess. And if she doesn’t have an orgasm at all, it feels like a personal failure to him.
For the female partner, this can turn into yet another way she has to perform emotional labor. When her experience of pleasure becomes tied to his ego, then she often feels pressure to have a big, showy orgasm for him… even if that’s not how her body works.
Instead of genuinely connecting with her body and experiencing the pleasure that’s there for her in the moment, she can become anxious about whether she’s satisfying him with her show of pleasure.
This whole dynamic makes it hard to connect in true intimacy in the moment. Instead, sex becomes a performance for both parties.
Sometimes it becomes literally a performance, when the woman fakes more pleasure than she feels (up to and including orgasm) so that her partner won’t get upset.
In addition to the pressure it puts on both parties, the “her pleasure is his accomplishment” attitude has an ugly power side to it, wherein the woman’s body becomes something for the man to manipulate.
A statement like “I love making a woman [scream, come, writhe, whatever]” carries an implication that sexual pleasure is something that he does to her, rather than a gift from her own body which he helps draw out.” 3 Ways Men Wanting to ‘Focus On’ Her Pleasure’ During Sex Can Still Be Sexist – Everyday Feminism
Ms. Deeply Feeling Loves Mr. Intensely Logical: How to Make a Thinker/Feeler Relationship Work – Brenda Knowles
“They will most likely have exactly the reaction you anticipate (how could you/we are coming with you/why would you want to), and at that time you can change the conversation by saying, “I’m grateful for your support, and I’d love your blessing, but I am not asking for permission, I’m letting you know about my intentions.” I write about this like its easy even though it is not, and even though following through might mean having friends come pick you up and going anyway, even if your parents are very unhappy about it and they say lots of things they don’t mean like “I have no daughter now” and things remain unresolved between you for some time.You may never convince them to let you go, and spending the next two years on that project is likely to be very painful and draining for you. The biggest factor in your success in living on your own someday is for you to decide for yourself when the time for permission is over and learning that you can survive your parents’ displeasure. If you stay committed to the lie that permission is a) possible or b) necessary for you to move out, your parents win in keeping you close and dependent.” #762: Helicopter parents and moving out – Captain Awkward
A Frugal Weirdo’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Manifesto – Frugalwoods
“So, it’s untrue that genitals are a “lie detector.”
But I would go further and say that it is DANGEROUSLY untrue.
Why would I say that?
Because it says that a person’s genitals know more about whether or not they’re enjoying an experience than the person themselves does. So if a 13 year old boy gets an erection sitting at the back of a moving bus, does that indicate more honestly than his painful embarrassment that he’s turned on by buses? If a woman’s vagina lubricates during an experiment when she’s shown images of chimps copulating, does that indicate more honestly than her reported non-interest that she’s aroused by chimp sex?
And, more than anything, if a woman says “NO” but her vagina is wet, is her vagina saying yes? Is she a “liar”?
The idea that “Her vagina is wet, therefore she likes it,” is dangerously untrue.” Dangerously Untrue in Psychology Today – The Dirty Normal
5 Body Language Tricks That Increase Attraction – Dr NerdLove
“The kindest and most meaningful thing anyone ever says to me is: your mother would be proud of you. Finding a way in my grief to become the woman who my mother raised me to be is the most important way I have honored my mother. It has been the greatest salve to my sorrow. The strange and painful truth is that I’m a better person because I lost my mom young. When you say you experience my writing as sacred what you are touching is the divine place within me that is my mother. Sugar is the temple I built in my obliterated place. I’d give it all back in a snap, but the fact is, my grief taught me things. It showed me shades and hues I couldn’t have otherwise seen. It required me to suffer. It compelled me to reach.” Dear Sugar: The Obliterated Place – The Rumpus
9 Learnings from 9 Years of Brain Pickings – Brain Pickings
“Her words haunt me as I go to sleep. As we settle into the dark of night, I think about all the times I say those words. “I’m sorry, but….” Frantic Mom doesn’t say “No.” She says “I’m sorry,” and then she gives a reason. Because Frantic Mom doesn’t believe she is allowed to be at peace with her life without an excuse. If she needs rest, she must be sick. If she needs time off, she must have a scheduling conflict. So if she says “no,” it must be predicated with “I’m sorry,” because, as Ula observed, “I’m sorry” implies that Frantic Mom is completely willing to go along with whatever is being proposed…were it not for whatever excuse she is presenting. Frantic Mom is so worried about what people think of of her, “Sorry” is as much a part of her armor as the aura of frenzied chaos.” I am not sorry. – The Radical Homemaker
Chronic Illness & Pain
How to Live With Chronic Illness and Turn Straw Into Gold – Huffington Post
“Perfectionism is the perfect excuse not to do anything in life. Perfectionism is often the equivalent of procrastination, or at the very least, being a perfectionist usually leads to a great deal of procrastination – “If I can’t do it perfectly/properly I won’t do it at all!” is a common cry for us perfectionists/procrastinators.
Perfectionism in many ways is the ultimate cop-out, the ultimate way of avoiding ever truly putting ourselves out there. Depending on its level of severity being a perfectionist can mean we don’t ever put our stamp on anything for fear of what others will think if it is not done “perfectly”.
The Utopia of Perfect – that non-existent, totally subjective creation of our own minds that often stops us doing the things we would most like to do and may ultimately bring us the most joy. Striving to be perfect is like striving to get to the end of the rainbow – there is no such thing so it’s impossible to ever “get” there.” Chronic Illness & Perfectionism – The Get Up and Go Guru
How to boost your immune system Harvard Health
“PCOS, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, and now this damned abscess are all very difficult to see. For most of them I must be cut open or peered inside of with the magic of sound waves. The inside of my body has been open to the outside world in the most terrible of ways, ranging from rape to injury to necessary surgery. So many hands, penises, and tools have reached into my most private of parts, pretty much all of them related to my sex. Sometimes I jokingly say I’m allergic to being female.” Why Is My Broken Body Worthy of Delighting In? – Postmodern Woman
Why Diet Alone Is Not Enough to Treat SIBO – Chris Kresser
“It’s easy to fall into a victim disposition when we live with chronic illness. You know how it goes, you have a better time of it and then everything goes down hill again and you fall into: “I hate my life, everything’s too bloody hard, what’s the point?”,”What’s the point? I try to do something and then I get sick again and everything turns to shit “or worse, it get’s more numb and boils down to simply: “What’s the point? ”
When in this state of mind we feel victim to everything around us. Suddenly we see wrong doing and failure everywhere we turn, nothing is satisfying or positive. Life gradually gets darker and darker until the light turns out completely and we’re in the depths of depression and are literally the victim of our lives.” Are You Good Enough or Moving Fast Enough? – Who’s That Lady
If You ‘ACE’ This Test, It Could Explain Your Chronic Disease – I Told You I Was Sick
This Is How Postpartum Depression Feels – And What It Takes to Overcome It – Everyday Feminism
““Mobs” can warm you up gently, gradually expand your comfort zone, relieve tension and perhaps muscle knots, and facilitate healing. Mobilizing is an extremely easy form of therapeutic exercise, easily fine-tuned for anyone, which can be used to efficiently stimulate specific tissues with just the right amount of activity — not too much, but enough to facilitate healing. “Motion is lotion,” as the old rhyme goes.” Mobilize! Dynamic Joint Mobility Drills – Pain Science
10 Paleo Sources of Protein That Aren’t Meat – Paleo Hacks
“Far from a newcomer on the menu, salt has been mined (and cherished) for thousands of years across the globe. It was once so valuable that the Roman legions were paid with it (hence the wordsalary, which comes from the word salt!). In fact, we could even argue that salt made modern civilization possible: it gave us the ability to preserve food without refrigeration—allowing us to store (and trade) perishable items, prevent meat from rotting, travel long distances with a secure food supply, and release our dependence on seasonal eating. That’s a pretty impressive résumé for one little ionic compound, right?” Is Salt Paleo? – The Paleo Mom
4 Dangerous Myths About Chia Seeds – Paleo for Women
Ask Well: A Myth About Refreezing Foods – The New York Times
“But tell someone you’d like an oolong and they’ll likely just stare. It’s a tea so uncommon in the West we don’t even have an English word for it, and that’s a shame, because when it comes to tea, no category offers more diversity of flavor, complexity, and body than oolongs. And no style better shows what carefully manipulated processing can do to a tea leaf.
Oolongs are the wide, wide category of tea in between green and black, and through skilled, labor-intensive processing, a tea-maker can coax anything from buttery florals to deep chocolate to roasted nuts to tropical fruit out of a single batch of leaves. So if you’ve been drinking tea for a while and are getting bored of your malty Assams and your springy sencha, here’s a basic introduction to the entire universe of tea in between.” A Beginner’s Guide to Drinking Better Oolong Tea – Serious Eats
Top 10 Smart Ways to Organize Your Kitchen – LifeHacker
Slow Cooker Brisket – Popular Paleo
Nut-Free Coconut-free, Paleo Blueberry Muffins – The Paleo Mom
AIP Salmon Cakes with Avocado Aioli – Salixisme
Egg-less Nog! – Autoimmune Paleo
Healthy Cranberry Sauce Recipe _ Wellness Mama
Dark Chocolate Gingerbread and Apricot Truffles – Greens of the Stone Age
On the Blog
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
The S&M Feminist by Clarisse Thorn