“Drop down out of Instagram time, out of Facebook time. Drop down into a much more human rhythm,” says Diaz, adding that, for the sake of our culture and our future, we all have to learn to slow down.
“To read a book is to be in the slow zone of the human.” Why Junot Diaz urges you to read more promiscuously – CBC Radio
“The Soil Will Save Us is part soil science primer, part history lesson on environmental degradation and the efforts to fight it, and part manifesto on restoring our relationship with the land. The reader follows Ohlson as she travels the globe—from her childhood home near Cleveland, Ohio to Perth, Australia—to learn about how people can revive soils damaged by decades of drought, erosion, and poor land management. ‘The Soil Will Save Us': A Manifesto for Restoring Our Relationship with the Land – Civil Eats
“Make all of the arguments against atheism you like! Seriously, I have no problem with that whatsoever. Just please, please, please don’t point to a globe, or a watch, or a lamp, and tell me that because I know a person created that, it is of necessity just as obvious that a divine being created the universe. Not only is this not convincing, it makes you look ridiculous.” I Have Never Seen a Supernatural Entity Create a Universe – Love, Joy, Feminism
“My second thought? Is that I am tired of hearing people uphold the freedom of bigoted expression at the expense of the speech of others. If Steve has the right to say that he is voting no- of course he does!- then his friends have the right to tell him how they feel about that. In a democracy, in fact, I’d argue that they have a responsibility to do so. The vote is an essential tool for change. Speech- persuasion, expression, and communication- is even more powerful in determining the direction of that change. Of course we care about how other people vote. We have to. That’s why we campaign, canvass, and why we bother voting in the first place. Voting is based on the concept- however well or badly realised in practice- that every voice matters. If our voices matter, then so does how we use them. Steve probably cares about the society we live in. So do his friends. They care enough to do what they can to influence someone else’s voice to help others.”Overheard in Dublin: free speech matters. So does challenging it. – Consider the Tea Cosy
“If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea. You say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go “omg fuck yes, I would fucking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!*” then you know they want a cup of tea. If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they um and ahh and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then – this is the important bit – don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off-chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it. If they say “No thank you” then don’t make them tea. At all. Don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, ok?” Consent: Not actually that complicated – rockstar dinosaur pirate princess
“Sexism and misogyny are often tied to the behaviors of men and the ways in which the patriarchy oppresses those who do not fit the provided boxes. In practice, however, sexism is a system of power that privileges masculinity, not just those who identify as men. To be feminine is to be lesser, and that crosses all gender identities. Similar to the relationship between white supremacy and racism, masculine supremacy comes with the territory of sexism. And women who identify with more masculine expressions are not exempt from this fact.” On queered masculinity and misogyny – Feministing
“The fact is, that the more that I actively like my clothes, the less of them I need. When I feel perfectly satisfied wearing the same favorite pair of jeans and beautiful sweater day in and day out—swapping only clean underwear and a fresh t-shirt each morning—I don’t feel as much of a need for a second, third, or fourth sweater of a similar style. It’s when I only feel lukewarm about a particular sweater that I cast a wandering eye and add another one to the mix. When I’ve found myself in this rut, I’m more likely to reach for less expensive clothes. Annoyed that I’ve already spent precious resources on clothes that haven’t worked out, I can become wary and unwilling to invest still more. But over and over again, I’ve found that more begets more. And buying many inexpensive sweaters that I only feel lukewarm about finishes by being more expensive than buying one expensive sweater that I really love.” growing a minimalist wardrobe: affordability – reading my tea leaves
“American culture is simultaneously obsessed with pushing the boundaries of bodily exposure and shaming anyone who enjoys exposing her body. I have no idea how to react to that, much less change it. I understand that the simplest way to push back is to refuse to conform – let your nipples show through, wear your swimsuit even if you haven’t shaved or waxed your bikini line – but, as Leah points out, when you run the risk of crossing the “decency” boundary, it makes that pushback trickier to navigate.” Reader Request: Bodies and Decency – Already Pretty
“I’m learning to let go of my fixer role. I’m much less likely to jump in and try to protect others from experiencing life’s ups and downs and its successes and disappointments. Today, this issue often arises with people I don’t know personally. After reading one of my books, they write to me and tell me about the troubles they’re facing. Their stories are often heartbreaking. I used to spend hours trying to figure out how to fix their problems and then writing them back in detail. Now I realize that I can’t make everything OK for everybody, and so I respond by trying the best I can to be helpful and supportive, but I don’t take it upon myself to fix their lives.” You Can’t Fix Everything – Psychology Today
“This same tendency happens with autoimmune disease symptoms. Although there are overnight success stories in the paleo community, for most of us, improvements are slow and incremental. I have rheumatoid arthritis. In the past year, my symptoms have improved 90%, but those improvements were only notable month to month, not day to day. The way I noticed was by keeping a symptom journal – two actually. One is a daily journal where I write down how I’m feeling and also anything new I’m doing to try to improve my health. The other is a monthly journal – at the end of each month, I review my daily journal and summarize. It’s this second journal that shows my progress, and keeps me heartened and motivated. There have also been times when it has shown plateaus in my progress, and that is when I look for the next step in my healing protocol. For example, after 6 months on the GAPS diet, my progress plateaued, so I went on the Paleo Autoimmune Protocol and I started to improve again.” Guest Post by Eileen Laird: Paying Attention – The Paleo Mom
“2. We can feel as if we’re letting you down even though you’ve repeatedly told us that we’re not.
I have two close friends whom I try to see each week. Both of them have told me that if I’m not feeling well enough to visit, I should cancel and that I should not feel bad about it. And yet, whenever I have to cancel, I feel as if I’m letting them down even though I believe them when they say that they don’t want me to feel bad.
Related to this feeling of letting loved ones down is that we may apologize for being sick and being in pain even though it’s not necessary. I find myself apologizing to my husband, my children, and to close friends for not being able to join in activities with them, even though they’re not expecting me to go beyond my limits and even though they don’t want me to.
I’ve decided that it makes me feel better to apologize. It’s my way of saying to them: “I know that my inability to do a lot of things and the unpredictability of how I’ll feel on any given day is no fun for you either.”” 3 Things the Chronically Ill Wish Their Loved Ones Knew – Psychology Today
“It’s hard to help yourself when you are depressed.Depression by its nature makes it impossible to do they very things that would help lessen or even lift that depression. Combined with chronic pain, it becomes even more challenging.
Yet even making a few small changes to your diet can have measurable effects on your moods. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables, ensuring you drink plenty of water. I’ll go deeper in a post of its own on you can eat well in spite of pain and limitations, for now though follow these tips to optimise your body’s natural ability to improve your mood and lessen depression by increasing your body’s own natural anti-depressants.” Nutritional Reasons that May Be Making Depression Worse (and Your Pain Too) – The Princess in the Tower
“To help your feet recuperate from their lifetime imprisoned in shoes and walking 99% of the time on flat, level pavement, you need to start exposing them to the kind of work they would have done if you’d grown up in nature. Lumps, bumps, rocks, sand, hills and other varied terrain will mobilize stuck foot joints & strengthen atrophied foot muscles.” Introduce Your Feet to Natural Loads – Movement Revolution
“I’m going to say it straight: I don’t like to see a child in heeled shoes. Let me be clear. I’m not only talking about high heels or those plastic high-heel costume shoes. I’m talking about school shoes and soccer shoes. Summer sandals, toddler shoes, and “healthy shoes for kids.” If you look at the kids around you, you’re likely to find a heel on almost every pair of shoes they are wearing.” Your child might be wearing heels, right now – Katy Says
“The problem is that insomnia is often either a chicken and egg issue or a lifestyle issue. Stress leads to poor sleep which leads to poor functioning which leads to more stress which leads to more poor sleep. Or perhaps you are a night shift worker or busy working mother of three taking evening college classes who simply does not have enough hours in the day. In any event, regulating and prioritizing good sleep as much as possible is vital for a healthy brain. Sleep is the time when the metabolic toxins that build up in the brain from all the energy-hungry thinking we do gets washed away. Complete lack of sleep will eventually lead to inflammation, neuron damage, dementia, possibly psychosis, and death. Sleep deprivation, even a few hours a night, leads to decreased cognitive function, increased irritability, and increased susceptibility to mental health problems.” Improve Your Mental Health with Sleep – Part 1 – Whole 9
“Realizing that things are getting out of hand, and that disparity could be a strong socioeconomic reason why the United States has a 19 percent prevalence rate for depression, Price cut his salary by $930,000, nearly doubling many of the employees’ salaries at a company meeting. All 120 employees will be making a minimum of $70,000 by using 75 to 80 percent of Gravity Payment’s anticipated profits according to The New York Times.” Good Guy CEO cuts his $1 million salary to make the minimum wage $70,000 – Plaid Zebra
““We increasingly encounter the world through these representations that are addressed to us, often with manipulative intent: video games, pornography, gambling apps on your phone,” he says. “These experiences are so exquisitely attuned to our appetites that they can swamp your ordinary way of being in the world. Just as food engineers have figured out how to make food hyper-palatable by manipulating fat, salt and sugar, similarly the media has become expert at making irresistible mental stimuli.” Distraction is a kind of obesity of the mind, in other words, with results that could be just as hazardous for our health.” Matthew Crawford: ‘distraction is a kind of obesity of the mind’ – The Guardian
“In a statement, the family says: “We were surprised and upset to see that the photo was being used as part of a campaign with which we do not agree.”
“We completely support same-sex marriage, and we believe that same-sex couples’ should of course be able to adopt, as we believe that they are equally able to provide children with much-needed love and care.”
“To suggest otherwise is offensive to us, and to many others,” they add.” Family seen in No poster stock photo say Yes to same-sex marriage – Newstalk
“Ever since marriage equality became a national topic of conversation, we’ve been hearing a lot about “traditional marriage.” For people who are against gays getting married, there seems to be this idea that if we could just hold on to the way people married in the olden days, everything would be right with the world. It’s like they think we could all have our own beautiful sparkly unicorn, if only everyone would marry their opposite-sex high school sweetheart, have a bunch of kids, and stay together forever.
The problem is that most of our assumptions about what marriage was like back in the day are complete bullshit.” 5 Reasons ‘Traditional Marriage’ Would Shock Your Ancestors – Cracked
“If you can vote in this referendum, and you don’t? If something came up and you were just too busy and you didn’t get around to it? You are not my friend. We are not friends. You don’t have any LGBTQ friends. Because our lives, our future, our rights weren’t worth a half hour of your time.
I’d rather an honest homophobe over someone who pretends to care but can’t be bothered, any day.” If you can vote and do not, you are not my friend. – Consider the Tea Cosy
“In reality, health is a completely subjective concept that people in power (corporations, mostly, because they are the ones who really run the show and are apparently people) create and distribute through products and promises of happiness and success. Society’s definition of “health” is, at its root, strategically designed to get us to buy goods and services that promise to make us healthier. Diet companies don’t actually want us to lose weight — they want us to want to lose weight, and keep paying over 60 billion dollars every year to use their service and / or product. Health-related companies don’t care about health; they care about profit. And they use our collective fatphobia to convince us to keep playing the capitalist game.” What Does Capitalism Have to Do With Body Image Anyway? – Adios Barbie
“We talked a bit more about it, and she pointed out that helping women feel confident in their looks removes barriers. We live in a world that frequently evaluates women based on our looks and, if those looks are found to be somehow lacking, dismisses us. We know this. And many of us hesitate to step up to positions of leadership, or speak out against actions we question, or put ourselves in the public eye for fear of censure and dismissal.” Body Image Barriers – Already Pretty
“Your body is a fine machine. You might not always point towards north, but your body knows you far more intimately than you will ever know your body. It’s no wonder then, that the body can be a powerful navigation tool when you are feeling lost. In other words; your body compass will always point towards your truth.” Decision-making 101: The Body Compass – The Freedom Experiment
“Guilt is toxic and debilitating and most of the time wholly unnecessary, so a practice of self-forgiveness is essential to kick it into touch and enhance your wellbeing. Forgiving yourself might be completely new to you, as in something you’ve never done, but it’s something you deserve to learn how to do, so I’m going to share an exercise to get you started.” Feeling Guilty? Let It Go with One Simple Exercise – Lottie Ryan
“Variable, chronic and complex conditions and our own ability and function can never be gauged by a single isolated activity, yet we are so frequently misjudged by others if they see us looking nice or being active in any way. Healthy people tend to assume it’s all or nothing: we’re either ill or we’re well; we’re either in pain or we’re not. If we’re seen doing anything ‘normal’ [they assume] we must feel good.
The reality is that we would have not only prepared extensively for every activity – and have had to pace every activity – but also are guaranteed to be pinned to the bed afterwards through a flare-up of pain.
Many who live with severe and painful conditions can only manage one ‘big’ activity a day, especially if it involves leaving the house. If that day has a medical visit for example, everything pivots on that single activity and appointment. The tiny one or two-hour window in which we see others may have taken the entire day to prepare for and more to recover from. Others may be able to do more, some even less.” But You Look Good: Living With Disbelief of Invisible Illness and Pain – The Princess in the Tower
“The truth is that it’s easy to forget how much work healing is. It is harder for me to lie in bed and stare at the wall for hours, listening to an audiobook I’ve listened to twenty times before, then it is for me to create an online course or work on an essay. It resembles nothing of what I thought was work back when I was gulping six espressos a day, grading, teaching, writing, going to a bar with friends, and rushing from one thing to the next. In fact, it looks like laziness. But my body is absorbing nutrients. It is resting. It is fighting the bacteria that has infected my system. It is letting me be cared for and loved; and all of that is, dare I say, very hard work.
If you are afraid of being lazy—if you are worried about your productivity during a difficult time—you are doing more than you think. You are healing. You are surviving. You are, dare I say, doing great. We are doing great.” On productivity anxiety in difficult times – Esmé Weijun Wang
“Bathing has become an ordeal for me. I can’t shower now because I can’t stand up that long and I can’t raise my hands above my head. So I take baths. But doing a full bath – like washing my hair and shaving my legs – takes forever and is exhausting. I have to rest for hours afterward. So I am constantly looking for easier, better, energy-saving ways to perform personal hygiene tasks. Below are a few practical suggestions I (and others) have followed at various levels of illness to make bathing and personal hygiene easier. I hope some of them work for you too.” Energy Economy – Personal Hygiene and Chronic Illness – Laina Laughing
“If you spend a day or two on social media sites, you get the idea that essential oils are a panacea that can replace every modern medicine, both over the counter and prescription. Kid got a fever? Rub a little of this oil on his feet. Big job interview coming up in a few minutes? Inhale a little of this to relax. Fungal infection? Splash some of this on. It’s gotten particularly out of hand on Pinterest, where multi-level marketing schemers attempt to convince everyone they absolutely need to become essential oil wholesalers. Conversely, if you hang around in the online skeptic communities (Science Based Medicine, Quackwatch, etc.), you come away with the impression that essential oils are at best pleasant-smelling placebos and at worst expensive poisons. So – who’s right? Who’s wrong? Are essential oils simply glorified air fresheners without any evidence of efficacy, or does the truth lie somewhere between the two extremes?” Essential Oils: Separating Fact from Fiction – Mark’s Daily Apple
“Why is this? Because if you bypass a boundary (which we’re all really good at doing), you are using some sort of compensation to create a movement that *looks* like the what you’re trying to do but is actually using different bits of you to fake it.” Boundaries. Better when respected. – Movement Revolution
“As a business- woman with physical disability I’m uniquely reminded of how profoundly a healthy lifestyle improves spirit, physical performance and the bottom line.
Emotional and physical burnout – both on the job and off – have taken an enormous toll on the workforce at large. Thankfully, the simplest solution, in my experience, is also the most effective:
A sustainably healthy lifestyle built on three basic elements:” The Impact of Healthy Lifestyle on Work Performance – Business Accelerator Lab
“Doing what one wants to do because one wants to do it is hard for a lot of people, but I think it’s particularly hard for women. We are, after all, the gender onto which a giant Here To Serve button has been eternally pinned. We’re expected to nurture and give by the very virtue of our femaleness, to consider other people’s feelings and needs before our own. I’m not opposed to those traits. The people I most admire are in fact nurturing and generous and considerate. Certainly, an ethical and evolved life entails a whole lot of doing things one doesn’t particularly want to do and not doing things one very much does, regardless of gender.
But an ethical and evolved life also entails telling the truth about oneself and living out that truth.” DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #77: The Truth That Lives There – The Rumpus
“Here’s the “violence is never the answer people.” That sounds nice. It would be even nicer if it were true. Violence, it seems to me, is America’s go-to move, abroad, and at home, among the subaltern, the black and brown poor.
Now you speak up. Now that CVS was injured. Now all of a sudden you care about their “neighborhood” and “property.”
Their lives though? Nah. Still not on the radar.
Where were you on violence when these children and men were killed, unarmed?
You don’t know shit about Baltimore either.
That’s for darn sure.” I don’t know shit about Baltimore – renegade mothering
“Is allowing people access to marriage really redefining the institution? Or is this reduction of our relationships to nothing more than the kind of sex that we’re having- that other people assume we’re having- the redefinition that’s really happening here?
Tell me again- who is attacking marriage?” Who is cheapening marriage? – Consider the Tea Cosy
“Ads can be entertaining, they can be thought-provoking, they can be inspiring. But, please, let’s not call them empowering. They come with an agenda and that agenda is to sell you a product. So, sorry to break it to everyone, but your Deep Moisture Nourishing Body Wash doesn’t really care about you or your self-esteem. And your cucumber and green tea deodorant doesn’t give a damn about nurturing your confidence. Ultimately the aim of campaigns like this is not for you to choose beautiful, it’s for you to choose Dove.” Sorry Dove, empowerment isn’t a personal care product – Arwa Mahdawi – The Guardian
“But more than just this, purity culture’s twin expectations that girls both dress modestly and be radiantly beautiful set girls up for failure. I’ve heard people outside of this culture say “Isn’t it a good thing that modesty takes away some of those expectations, so that girls don’t constantly feel they have to be gorgeous and sexy?” I could see the point if it actually did take away those expectations, but it doesn’t. Modesty teachings do not communicate that girls should focus on their personality traits or skill sets rather than their looks, they simply set them on a different avenue to achieve those looks and attract the male gaze. It’s still all about looking attractive and getting the guy.” Be Pretty, but Not Too Pretty – Love, Joy, Feminism
“Karuna. Karuna means compassion. It’s often referred to as the quivering of the heart in response to suffering. As with metta, we cultivate it both for ourselves and for others. Responding with compassion to our own suffering gives rise to compassion for others because, as the Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron said, “Sorrow has the exact same taste for all of us.” And yet, many of us find it hard to cultivate compassion for ourselves. We’re our own harshest critics.” 4 Qualities of Mind that Alleviate Suffering – Psychology Today
“Wherever you are in life and however you feel about it, it might not be your fault that you are where you are right now—it could totally be due to someone else’s decisions or actions—but the important thing to remember is that you have responsibility for what happens next.
No one else has control over ourselves, and giving other people this control, either by blaming someone else for the fact that we’re not feeling fulfilled, or by waiting for someone to rescue us, is a sure-fire way to slip into the scarcity mindset. I always think this question sounds kind of cheesy, but it’s an important question to ask: where are you giving away your power?” How to Shift from Scarcity to Abundance – Becoming Who You Are
“Studies show that animals can reduce tension and improve mood. Along with treatment, pets can help some people with mild to moderate depression feel better. If you’re depressed, here’s a rundown of how pets could help.” Pets for Depression and Health – Web MD
“Recovering from a chronic illness is not as easy as putting a bandaid over a sore and waiting for it to heal back to normal. It takes a long term commitment to honouring your needs, and creating a lifestyle that suits your unique disposition. Continuing with my yoga and meditation practice has allowed me to continue living a full and active lifestyle.” Why I Do Yoga When I’m Well – Aroga Yoga
“Foam rolling, or self-myofascial release, as it’s technically called, is basically like a deep tissue massage for your muscles. It’s a type of soft-tissue therapy that focuses on connective tissue called fascia. Fascia is tissue that connects with your muscles, bones, and ligaments to provide support throughout your entire body. (1)
When it works properly, fascia is elastic and can stretch and move as one with the rest of your body. However, many times, due to intense workouts, poor posture or movement patterns, stress, and lifestyle factors, fascia can tighten and become stiff, restricting movement and even causing pain.
Unfortunately, conventional stretching on its own doesn’t always release tight fascia. Direct pressure from a massage therapist, or a tool like a foam roller, or even a lacrosse ball, is needed to release those tight muscles and tissue. It’s important to have muscles and fascia supple and elastic for proper muscle movement and function.” The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Foam Rolling – Paleo Hacks
“We all know it’s healthy to eat vegetables and fruits, but we often forget that they don’t need to come from a farm: wild plants are nutritional powerhouses. Purslane, for instance, a weed that thrives in many parts of the world, has six times more vitamin E than spinach and more omega-3 fatty acids than any other vegetable. As humans have selectively bred produce to be larger and sweeter and to withstand storage better, we’ve lost many of the vitamins, minerals, protein, fiber, and healthy fats that make these foods so good for us.” Get Wild: Foraging for Edible Plants – Whole9
“The BEST diet, I think…
(Another word for the Sexy by Nature diet…)
is the LOVE DIET.
We here at Paleo for Women are Love Dieters. Our eating habits are predicated on a foundation of love first and foremost. And so by doing so… we’re not on a diet at all.” The Love Diet – Paleo for Women
“If this sounds more like a religious mystic recalling an ecstatic experience, maybe that’s no coincidence. That synchrony feels so instinctive and so enjoyable reminds us the dividing line between the self and the rest of the world is blurry at best – McNeill’s “loss of boundary” can feel amazing. In communal movement, it’s as if you suddenly realise what a burden it is to maintain your individualism the rest of the time. Morris dancing and synchronised swimming might not be completely indefensible after all.” The joys of physical synchrony – The Guardian
“At it’s best, self-control doesn’t revolve around deprivation, denial or chastising but clarity, intention, and attunement. We don’t disown elements of ourselves but get clear about what role we want them to have in our decision-making. We don’t punish ourselves or take pride in how little we can force ourselves to live with. We create an over-arching vision for our lives and make choices that take care of our needs in ways that also serve that plan.
In that regard, self-control is the ultimate exercise of freedom – a freedom that comes from self-determination of one’s life unbound from both cultural norms and lesser impulses. What we call control is, in fact, the alignment and actualizing of our higher will.” Self-Control: The Ultimate Exercise of Freedom – Mark’s Daily Apple
“In the book, you quote a woman from Tunisia who says, “Where women fight, only men benefit.” This is when you’re discussing what you call “the double battle” – that women were essential to the Arab Spring but afterward the misogyny and the violence were just as bad, maybe worse. We began these difficult revolutions and then we focused on men and the struggles among men to basically divvy up the spoils. We’re just doing musical chairs to replace one man with another.
We need to start talking about violence against women as a form of terrorism and recognize that until we solve that terrorism – instead of the kind we’re often told we must focus on: the explosions; the fight between military rule and the Islamists – the political revolution will fail. That’s why I keep talking about the double revolution. Nothing will succeed and we will never be free unless we have a concurrent social and sexual revolution that focuses on all of us.” Why some people consider Mona Eltahawy a dangerous woman – The Globe and Mail
“Obviously, calling someone inspirational isn’t offensive in itself. However, it can easily become insulting when it’s applied to someone with a disability.
When an able-bodied person calls a disabled person inspirational, they’re usually applauding them for existing – and in turn, patting themselves on the back for realizing how difficult disabled life must be.” 7 Reasons to Stop Calling Disabled People Inspirational – Everyday Feminism
“Once upon a time a woman expelled a child from her womb. It was a daughter. The woman looked at the child and was afraid. The girl was beautiful and vibrant and completely unrestrained. The woman saw two possibilities: The first, that she could observe her daughter as she grew. She could watch and wait and help as needed, recognizing that children do not always make safe choices or good choices, but that they can learn to make the best choices. Her daughter might make big, scary choices or small, silly choices, or even repeat unnecessary, annoying choices, but her daughter would learn from these choices. She would grow up knowing herself because she was allowed to do so. But she might not grow into the right kind of woman.” Right Kind of Woman by Shawna Ayoub Ainslie – ASLI Magazine
“Of course, lo and behold, by the end of the video many women have changed their minds (not sure of the time lapse). After some deep thought and sympathetic conversation with others, they will now consider themselves beautiful and give themselves permission to walk right through that beautiful door! In my opinion, if Dove really wanted to dig deep, perhaps they might have chosen a more thoughtful pairing of words like “confident” and “insecure,” or “fulfilled” and “unfulfilled.” Elle Magazine says the ad is “incredibly powerful” asking: “Who knew the simple task of choosing an entrance could be so empowering?” I don’t find this one bit empowering. I actually think it is depressing. I find the very idea of reducing women to these two attributes incredibly enervating, redundant and of little help in the broader discourse about female empowerment as if we have only to consider these two options.” Why I’m Not Buying What Dove is Selling – Princess Free Zone
“Anything that you don’t love, that doesn’t make you feel fabulous in – leave it behind.
Anything that doesn’t coordinate with at least three other existing items in your closet – leave it behind.
Anything that you can’t comfortably afford – leave it behind.
You are far better off creating a wardrobe with this attitude than a random ‘grab it and run’ approach – you’ll love the working wardrobe you create, and your wallet will thank you, too!” Common Items Women Buy But Just Don’t Wear – My Year Without Clothes Shopping
“The number one obstacle that gets in the way of us being our own hero is prioritising who we think we should be over who we actually are.
When we do this, we end up living according to other people’s values and beliefs rather than our own (also called “people-pleasing”). This is a bit like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole; it creates friction, discord and a whole ton of internal conflict. We’ve usually had excellent reasons to prioritise other people’s beliefs and values over our own in the past but doing this doesn’t serve us as adults.” The 4 Most Common Types of People-Pleasing (and How to Stop) – Becoming Who You Are
“Do you feel overwhelmed by the pace of your life? Do you often feel disconnected or distracted and unable to relax? If so, check out these 6 tips for avoiding a “near-life experience” and living a happier, more rewarding life.” How to Avoid a Near-Life Experience – Chris Kresser
“Deficiencies in certain nutrients, particularly are clearly associated with depression. A deficiency in most of the B vitamins is linked to some sort of decline in mental or emotional state: depression, fatigue, confusion, memory loss, apathy, anxiety, irritability, nervousness, sleep disturbances or loss of appetite. Vitamins B3, B6, C, biotin, zinc and folic acid are also all needed for the conversion of tryptophan to serotonin to take place.” Nutritional Reasons that May Be Making Depression Worse (and Your Pain Too) – The Princess in the Tower
“When you are chronically ill, just the act of leaving your house may be difficult. You may have very limited mobility. And you may have some emotional effects from being confined to home so much (if you are confined to home) – anxiety or fear about leaving the house and all that entails. Everything is harder when you are dealing with a chronic illness. But, here are some simple suggestions to make life a little easier.” Energy Economy – Leaving the House While Chronically Ill – Laina Laughing
“When experiencing ongoing severe pain, life’s daily stressors become magnified and appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can lead to depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, feelings of inadequacy, and feelings of being “beaten down” and abandoned.” Coping with Chronic Pain – Brainline
“Think of being resilient as the ability to bounce back in the face of difficulties. For people with chronic pain, it means not letting symptoms interfere with living a full life. Resiliency also may make you feel better; experts have found that people with positive outlooks often experience less pain and stress.” Bolstering your resiliency – Pain Action
“Your feet are the foundation of all your movement. They actually contain, between the two of them, around 25% of all the bones and muscles in the body – they each have 26 bones and 33 joints. This makes them sophisticated marvels of engineering, designed not only to support your weight and allow you to stand, walk and run, but also to sense and adapt to constantly changing ground conditions as a major component of your body’s stabilization and suspension systems.” Feet. So weird, yet so useful. – Movement Revolution
“The World Health Organization recommends people obtain no more than 5% of daily calories from added sugar. That’s about 6 teaspoons or 25 grams on a typical diet, and it’s half of what they previously recommended a year or two ago. They’re urging countries to follow suit with national dietary guidelines.” How Much Sugar Is Recommended Per Day? – Mark’s Daily Apple
“An interesting paper published in the Journal of Periodontology in 2009 described a study of 10 individuals.1 These people had to eat a Paleo-type diet, which strictly avoided refined sugars and all processed foods. For 30 days, they could not brush or floss their teeth. At the beginning of the study, their teeth were examined for any signs of gum disease, and the bacteria around their teeth were identified. At the end of the 30 day period, the bacteria around their teeth as well as any gum bleeding or gum pockets were reexamined. The results at the end of this study showed that bleeding from their gum tissues decreased, the depth of their gum pockets decreased, and unhealthy types of bacteria around their teeth decreased. They did have quite a bit of bacteria around their teeth, but they were not the unhealthy types that caused gum disease or tooth decay. As a reminder, they did not brush or floss for the entire 30 day study.” Do I Have to Brush and Floss on a Paleo Diet? – The Paleo Diet
This month I finished a very long book (An Echo in the Bone), some more fiction as well as a couple of thought-provoking non-fiction books. As always I’m linking up with Modern Mrs Darcy.
An Echo in the Bone (Outlander) by Diana Gabaldon: The 7th Outlander novel is charming as always, although the series is starting to get a little stale. If you’ve loved the rest, you need to read this one too!
The Midwife’s Confession by Diane Chamberlain: I absolutely love Jodi Picoult, and Chamberlain has a very similar style. The Midwife’s Confession is about a huge mistake – and how it affects the lives of so many even years later. Couldn’t put it down.
What have you been reading lately?
As always I invite you to find me and connect with me on Goodreads.
“Teaching your child to never say “no” to an authority is not preparing them for adulthood. At all. Instead, it prepares them to fall into patterns of abuse or dysfunction. It prepares them to obey an unreasonable or abusive boss rather than going to HR or quitting and finding another job. And so forth. Children need to know that they can say “no” to those in authority over them, both as children and, in the future, as adults.” Why We Should Teach Children to Say No – Love, Joy, Feminism
“My first, and strongest piece of advice, is don’t be a judgey jerk. Your friend has come to you with something in trust, and that’s a big deal. If polyamory isn’t for you, that’s okay. Not everyone should be polyamorous – for some people it’s totally unworkable, and you don’t need to feel bad about that. But don’t assume it’s the same for your friend, and don’t put your feelings about whether polyamory would or would not work for you on your friend. If you wouldn’t ditch a friend over a boyfriend you didn’t like, don’t ditch them over polyamory. You might think I’m being silly about this, but I’ve seen plenty of otherwise excellent friendships ruined because someone mistook their dislike for polyamory in their own life for dislike of someone who was once a friend.” So Your Friend is Polyamorous – Already Pretty
“Of course I’d think I was straight. If I could close off my feelings for men, I could certainly close off my feelings for women. It was only after I started to learn what attraction felt like, that I knew I liked girls. I always had liked girls. I just didn’t know that my experience was any different from anyone else’s, because we never talked about our feelings. We never defined our terms.” Purity Culture and My Sexuality – Cynthia Jeub
“My anxiety proved reasonable. She scolded, saying, “I can’t believe you’d let him convince you to do that,” and “It doesn’t even feel good. There’s no reason to have sex unless you’re procreating.” I cried, felt dirty. I had done what teen magazines had recommended, what my own mother bragged about, and it backfired. Regardless, she made an appointment with a nurse practitioner. The NP presented a kinder face, but made sure to say: “Just because you’re on birth control, doesn’t mean you have to have sex.”” Sex as a Southern Woman: A Story of Shame – Godless in Dixie
“In a perfect world, there would be no stigma to being a victim of sexual violence. Sexual assault survivors could come forward and talk about their stories without fear of retribution, shaming or harassment. Reporters could print the names of those assaulted, knowing that the victims’ safety would remain intact.
But we do not live in a perfect – or even near-perfect – world. And if we want rape victims to be able to tell their stories in the media, we must protect their anonymity.” We can’t end rape stigma by forcing all victims to identify themselves – Jessica Valenti – The Guardian
“If this referendum passes, it’s a sign from you that everyone who has hurt us- the people who make snide comments or shout from cars or assault us on the street, the families who reject us, the businesses that refuse to serve us, the schools that would refuse to hire us- are not the silent majority they claim to be. That they do not have the support of our society. That you expect them to be better than that.
If this referendum passes, it is a sign from you to every queer kid growing up and figuring themselves out that their society does accept and embrace them for exactly who they are. That their lives will be wonderful and rich and worth living.
If this referendum fails, though?
If this referendum fails, I don’t know how I’ll walk down the street anymore. Knowing that I was wrong. Knowing that the majority of people in this country either actively see me as inferior, or don’t care enough about my rights to be bothered ticking a box in a poll booth. The happy lady at the gym, the old man in the park with the walker and the dog. The people at the bus stop making small talk about how long we’re waiting today. If this referendum fails, I’ll know that most of them see me as somehow wrong. As worth less than them.
Please don’t let that happen.” They Were Right: This referendum is not (just) about marriage – Consider the Tea Cosy
“That coldness isn’t new. Ideally, you’d hope, feminism would be about fighting for the rights of all women and trying to free all people from oppressive gender stereotypes. In practice, though, the radical feminist tradition of Andrea Dworkin and Janice Raymond, who Murphy champions, has often built itself on exclusion rather than inclusion. Radical feminism’s radicalism is often defined by smearing other women — trans women, sex workers, women of color — as deluded dupes of men and patriarchy.
“These radical feminisms, in my opinion, don’t even feign inclusivity,” researcher and activist Zoe Samudzi, a project assistant at UCSF, told me. “There’s a very prescriptive understanding of what emancipation and liberation looks like … White women have historically been perpetrators of violence against black women’s bodies, and the same entitlement and identity-centeredness in feminism has enabled them to proclaim themselves as the arbiters of womanhood.”” Laverne Cox Gets Naked, Exposes Radical Feminist Exclusionism – Playboy
“Now that I’m among them, the guilt I once felt about what I ate has been replaced by guilt over being the wrong kind of feminist—or maybe no kind of feminist: a woman pursuing something as pedestrian and frankly boring as losing weight. I fear that instead of fighting for a world where all bodies are admired, I’m pandering, reshaping my body to make it acceptable to the world around me. And I’m not alone: Jessica Wakeman, a writer for the blog The Frisky, recently came out as a dieter in a post called “True Story: A Feminist Joins Weight Watchers.” This is a woman who’s written casually about attending an orgy, but dieting required a lengthy justification.” Personal Essay on Diets – The Last Feminist Taboo – Elle
“The biggest challenge when you meet any kind of trauma, challenge or even expansion is staying in your body. Staying fully in the experience with an unwavering commitment to be here even when it burns. To sit in the fire, as I like to call it.This willingness to stay with ourselves, is the biggest healer. When we escape or leave our bodies we lock our most vulnerable stories in our bodies and disconnect from the inner voice that will guide us through to the other side.
We have to commit to come home to ourselves again and again, to bring the kiss of our devotional presence to our tears and inner wounds.” How awakening my Inner Woman helped me survive my car accident – Indigomoon Enemark
“When I avoid my truth, I become a stranger in my own life.
In truth I am flourishing in a hot house of honest vulnerability. I am messy, open. I am wild, untethered. In truth, my many pieces are on display for you, but I am safe in belonging to myself. In truth, I know that it is not my job to manage your response to my words, my actions. In truth, my energy is reclaimed and I am whole.
When I live in the bright light of truth, I am free.” Ferocious Truth – Mara Glatzel
“This brain circuit reorganization takes place over a year and then remains stable. People with back pain for over 10 years demonstrate the same brain circuitry as those who’ve been in chronic pain for a year. That fits the clinical experiences suggesting that pain which doesn’t get resolved in three months to a year is more likely to be long lasting.” Shape Shifting Pain: How Chronic Pain Turns the Brain More ‘Emotional’ – Health Rising
“Painful conditions — anything from a headache to back pain to arthritis — can have a serious impact on your quality of sleep. People living with chronic conditions likerheumatoid arthritis (RA) for example, a condition which causes pain, stiffness and swelling in the joints1, report sleep patterns are often irregular and say they have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep because of painful joints2. While the condition can affect anyone at any age, it most often appears between the ages of 25 and 503.” Waking Up With Chronic Pain: Five Tips for Better Sleep – Dr. William Bensen – Huffington Post
“As you can see above, medical use of this term is limited to spirochete infections, and the symptoms last a short period of time. In the alternative health community, the term has been expanded to explain (and justify) any worsening of symptoms related to a new diet, supplement or treatment protocol. Believing that these symptoms are a sign of healing, many people “push through” for days or weeks, expecting to feel better, and only feel worse. For people with autoimmune disease, this can lead to an autoimmune flare.” Is A Healing Crisis Really Healing? – Autoimmune Paleo
“Women with disabilities are often portrayed either as fragile flowers or oversexed, needing to be protected from the world and from their own sex drive. But in truth, most women with disabilities experience the same desire for pleasure, love, and physical connection as any other woman. In this week’s Sex Talk Realness, Cosmopolitan.com spoke with five women about their experiences with sex, dating, and living with a body that doesn’t always work the way you want it to.” Sex Talk Realness: How I Have Sex With a Disability – Cosmopolitan
“If you want to move naturally, you need feet that are able to move naturally too. That means foot coverings that interfere as little as possible with the way your feet work (this applies to everyone – even people with flat feet or who wear orthotics – these are muscle-related issues and can be addressed with exercise and a very careful and gradual transition to minimal shoes.” Choosing shoes for healthy feet – a practical guide to minimal footwear – Movement Revolution
“American biomechanics expert Katy Bowman says we’re all so obsessed with doing cardiovascular fitness that we’re neglecting the health of our cells.
Scientists increasingly believe good health is down to good blood flow and a constant supply of oxygen to each cell – not whether we can run 10k. We can achieve this by movement and stretching throughout the day rather than short bursts of intensive exercise a couple of times a week.” Everyday life-changing movements – Daily Express
“Have you ever felt so stressed out and overwhelmed that you can’t think straight? We now know that prolonged stress or trauma is associated with decreased volume in areas of the human brain responsible for regulating thoughts and feelings, enhancing self-control, and creating new memories. A new research study, published in today’s issue of NatureMedicine, is a first step in uncovering the genetic mechanism underlying these brain changes.” How to Prevent Stress from Shrinking Your Brain – Psychology Today
“In fact, “becoming more efficient” is part of the problem. Thinking of time as a resource to be maximised means you approach it instrumentally, judging any given moment as well spent only in so far as it advances progress toward some goal. Immersive reading, by contrast, depends on being willing to risk inefficiency, goallessness, even time-wasting. Try to slot it in as a to-do list item and you’ll manage only goal-focused reading – useful, sometimes, but not the most fulfilling kind. “The future comes at us like empty bottles along an unstoppable and nearly infinite conveyor belt,” writes Gary Eberle in his book Sacred Time, and “we feel a pressure to fill these different-sized bottles (days, hours, minutes) as they pass, for if they get by without being filled, we will have wasted them.” No mind-set could be worse for losing yourself in a book.” How to find time to read – The Guardian
“This is why gender policing is an inherent part of toxic masculinity. After all, one of the ways that men can prove their masculine bona fides is to punish someone else for digressing from the standard. This is why RedPillers, Men’s Rights Advocates and other fellow travellers love to throw around accusations like “white knight”, “beta male” or “cuck”; it’s an attempt to reaffirm the natural desirability of the status-quo by questioning the motivations of the challenger. To those invested in maintaining it, toxic masculinity is – by definition – the natural and desirable state; clearly the only reason why somebody would challenge it is because they’re angling for female approval and thus, be rewarded with sex they couldn’t get otherwise. Accusations of white-knighting also serve to derail the discussion, changing the terms of the debate from challenging toxic masculinity to having to justify one’s behavior and “prove” they’re not just in it for the sex. It’s a rhetorical trap; taking the bait and arguing about whether you’re a white knight or not inherently acknowledges the validity of the accusation, hamstringing the protestor’s argument. Every successful derailment demonstrates a cruel irony: those who have been the most negatively affected by these toxic stereotypes often absorb and lionize those stereotypes themselves and will be the first to defend them.” Reclaiming Manhood: Detoxifying Toxic Masculinity – Dr NerdLove
“What’s basically happening here is that, having blamed me for an act I didn’t even commit, Jesus is now, what, absolving me of that act by doing something I never asked him to do in the first place? And he’ll punish me if I don’t do whatever he says as a result of him having done me this favor I never requested for an act I never actually personally committed? Or worse yet, he’d punish me for what basically amounts to thought crimes for the most part, done in service to this game I was never asked to play as a result of a sin that my most-distant ancestors have committed to condemn me to a sinful nature to begin with?” A Favor You Never Asked For – Ex-Communications
“But we’re witnessing is not simply gaslighting within abusive relationships, but rather a communal gaslighting of women in society. You don’t have to have completed a Masters of Feminisms to know that in institutions both large and small, public and private, women may voice concern, distress, hurt and even anger, but it is overwhelmingly a man, (whether a police officer, or a magistrate, or a manager, or a CEO, or a minister, or a priest, or a politician) who gets to decide whether or not the woman’s feelings count.” ‘She’s overreacting': Why men find it so hard to trust women – Daily Life
“Think about the women in your life; think about their stories of harassment and uninvited attention—we all have them. If their stories of harassment remind you of that one time two decades ago when someone said something to you that made you feel badly, you are not listening.
It is OK to lack the ability to relate to certain experiences. In fact, admitting that you are not able to relate to something is the preferred response. It means that you are listening. Sometimes silence, accompanied by a caring heart and open ears, is the only appropriate response.
I am grateful for the many men who cannot fathom making women uncomfortable with their surroundings; the men who cannot fathom these stories. But it might be said that undermining—or worse yet, evaluating or flat out denying—a woman’s stories about harassment is a step in that direction, however well-intentioned you may be. If a story upsets you, direct your anger appropriately. Do not blame the women who have had to alter their view of the world because of their experiences with being women. Blame the men who have made it more difficult for you to fathom this kind of world.” What Not To Say When A Woman Shares Her Experience With Street Harassment – Role/Reboot
“She’s the kind of beauty we’d call “effortless,” which can be directly translated to “thin, with good skin, expensive (but minimalist) clothes, and hair that always looks done without ever looking touched.” It’s a lie, created with “no-makeup makeup,” and art direction, and vaseline on cheekbones to give you that dewy, beach-babe look when you are sitting in an air conditioned apartment in Williamsburg. But the effect is the same: This girl is beautiful and perfectly self-controlled, in a way you will never be, and it is reflected in everything from her expansive, perfectly-appointed kitchen, to her impossibly tasteful collection of thin gold jewelry.
She is never actually doing anything, of course. She is sipping her tea, staring out the window, sitting curled up on her comically large white couch with a few magazines strewn about her. She is not there to inspire anything other than insecurity, because her “achievements” include keeping everything incredibly white, not gaining weight, and having a messy bun that is always on the verge of falling but never actually does. It’s aspirational, but aspiration towards “being rich enough to have a fuckton of space with which I do absolutely nothing.”
And she is bad for mental health. She’s not just incredibly beautiful, which is a more run-of-the-mill sort of insecurity, she’s propped up as beautiful (and surrounded by beauty) without ever trying, which adds a profound level of frustration to the average Hollywood starlet who is stunning, but in a way that requires a process. The MPDG is there to convince you that if you only stop trying so hard, your life will suddenly be perfect, aesthetically pleasing, and entirely white without a single stain. (There is always an extra pinch of offensiveness to the photos where this aesthetic comes with a pet, because, as any pet owner knows, all-white is a masochistic choice if you have also chosen animals.)” The Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl: Who She Is and Why I Hate Her – The Financial Diet
“Sometimes we want to do all the things because we know deep down that we can’t possibly do all the things and that this is a great way to commit to nothing in the meantime—to not take any risks, not not fail, to not experience change.
Sometimes we want to do all the things because we want a shortcut. We want the life of the person who is 5 years ahead of us right now, so we try to replicate what they’re doing now, instead of what they did to get that point.
Whatever the case is, we show up as our best when we view life through a lens of “enough,” rather than “not enough.”” You Can Do Anything But Not Everything – Becoming Who You Are
“The other thing that struck me as I read through all of the comments, emails, etc., is that, while all of you are all responding from a place of generosity and openheartedness, wanting to learn more about holding space for others, you also need to be given permission and encouragement tohold space for yourselves. This is really important. If we don’t care for ourselves well in this work, we’ll suffer burnout, and risk becoming cynical and/or ineffective. PLEASE take the time to hold space for yourself so that you can hold space for others. It is not selfish to focus on yourself. In fact, it’s an act of generosity and commitment to make sure that you are at your best when you support others. They will get much more effective, meaningful, and openhearted support from you if you are healthy and strong.” How to hold space for yourself first – Heather Plett
‘”2. Young people are repeatedly told: “You’re too young to be in pain.”
Countless young people have written to me, saying that thiis is one of the most frustrating and hurtful comments they have to listen to. No matter what their diagnosis, they’re continually told that they can’t possibly be in chronic pain at their age. Imagine how hard it must be to respond skillfully to a comment like that.” The Extra Burden Faced by Young People with Chronic Illness – Psychology Today
“Planning a social life around chronic pain and illness is hugely frustrating for everyone involved and – for those who are not in it for the long haul – can be swift to dissolve friendships. If you’ve ever known someone who keeps on saying that they want to catch up but never commits, or a friend who is constantly cancelling on you at the last minute, you know how frustrating that flakiness is.
Yet in our ever-erratic, unpredictable illness, our chronic pain can make us mimic that flaky friend to perfection. “On the one hand, we don’t want to over-commit to others and then have to cancel. On the other hand, we don’t want to unnecessarily isolate ourselves too much,” says patient, advocate and author of How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers, Toni Bernhard.
“This constant need to assess what’s best for us to do is hard and exhausting work. In the end, because of the uncertainty of our symptoms, most of us must simply make an educated guess and hope for the best.”” How to Cope When Chronic Pain Affects Friends, Family & Social Life – The Princess in the Tower
“3. Hypermobility isn’t really the correct name for a joint that has excessive range of motion.Hyperlaxity is. Unfortunately, Hippocrates created the term hypermobile, while grouping together a set of Persian bow and arrow warriors who had elbows that seemed to extend more than others. The name stuck. It is documented in the literature that the term hypermobility should be changed to hyperlaxity, but that it would take too much time and effort to correct in forthcoming texts. Conserving time and effort seems like a good reason to continue to mislabel ailments in the body. Hey kids! See if the “this takes too much time and effort” excuse works with your parents and teachers. Hey parents! See if the “this takes too much time and effort” excuse works with your boss. Or the tax man. Let me know how it goes.” Hypermobility – Katy Says
“Did you know that 25 percent of the muscles and bones are from the ankle down? Unfortunately, we don’t utilize this amazing design because our feet are usually stuffed in stiff narrow shoes! The feet are dynamic and should be able to mold around stones and terrain without causing stress on the knees and hips, but since our feet are confined in shoes, they’re not able to absorb what is beneath them. Instead, the whole foot moves as one unit and the ankles, knees and hips suffer.”Correct Toe Spacers – Alignment Monkey
“Slowly but surely the birth culture of “induction or C-section on demand” has changed. Now, most doctors have received the memo that unnecessary inductions are potentially dangerous for moms and babies. If there are solid, compelling medical reasons to induce or schedule a C-section, then, by all means, that’s what those procedures are there for. However, if the medical reason can wait until a baby is full term, mothers and babies both fare better. If there’s no reason to induce or do surgery, then for heaven’s sake–don’t do it. That’s why these guidelines were developed, because finally, FINALLY, the medical community understands that “close enough to the due date” isn’t always good enough. Lots of essential “finish work” is done in the last few weeks of pregnancy and we’re learning more every day about the negative consequences we’re inflicting on babies when we cut short their time in the uterus.” I’m 37 Weeks Pregnant: Is that too soon to give birth? – Fit Pregnancy
“”Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop,” says Monica Lewinsky. In 1998, she says, “I was Patient Zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.” Today, the kind of online public shaming she went through has become constant — and can turn deadly. In a brave talk, she takes a hard look at our online culture of humiliation, and asks for a different way.” Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame – TED
“I routinely happen upon men who are perplexed when I eventually declare that I want to know where we stand. Indecision is not a noble virtue. If a man is in “Not really feeling this becoming more than what it is,” territory, I should be made aware in no uncertain terms. If a man is in “I am waiting for someone else to be my girlfriend but I’ll keep you around till I find her” territory, I ought to know that too. My feelings, and the feelings of many people I know, are more hurt by the prolonged waiting for a concrete answer while we sit quietly with our feigned Chill. It is as if I’ve broken some unwritten law when I ask what they are looking for and am dissatisfied with the answer “I don’t really like to put labels on things.” But putting labels on things are how people find the exit during a fire and make sure they’re adding vanilla extract to the cake instead of arsenic.” Against Chill – Matter – Medium
“So here I am.
Female. Asexual. Aromantic. Mid-thirties. Single. Child-free. Happy.
And some people I know are convinced that some of those descriptors don’t belong in the same sentence – especially that last one.
Gasp! You’re a mid-thirties woman with no partner and no kids, and you dare to call yourself happy? That doesn’t compute.” Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Child-Free… And (Yes!) Happy – Everyday Feminism
“So please, keep doing the research on women and children. But let’s include some information about men, too. For every article about a woman’s biological clock, I want to see a stock photo of a forlorn man pushing an empty stroller. For every warning that women’s eggs are drying up, there should be headlines about slow sperm and sad sacks. It seems only fair.
If the idea of shaming men the way that we have women for so long doesn’t appeal, there is another solution: we can mind our own business and let people live their lives in whatever way suits them best, whether that is with or without children.” Why do we never worry about men’s childlessness and infertility? – Jessica Valenti – The Guardian
“To look at the Dublin Pride website right now, you’d be forgiven for thinking it wasn’t dissimilar from Arthur’s Day, an event designed to sell and advertise alcohol and other products. If it weren’t for one of the posts on their newsfeed on Marriage Equality, we wouldn’t be mentioned at all. The other two top posts don’t. I sure know Google is involved, though! Maybe it’s about Google? There are all those colours…
An event more local to me, Wicklow Pride, recently began distributing leaflets in my town. They mention many people, from jugglers to men’s groups, but they sure as heck don’t mention us anywhere in the four page flyer.” Pride & Shame – Danielle Lavigne
Beauty & Body Image
“When a woman puts on a foot or a knee or an arm, she often finds that it’s not quite right. Knees are too tall and too stiff, feet don’t fit into shoes, hands are big, ankles don’t bend to accommodate heels. Every step a female amputee takes puts them face to face with the fact that prosthetics is still a male dominated industry.” Man Hands – Motherboard
“I’ve yet to find disability clothing brands that suit my sense of style, so instead I’ve co-opted clothes from other areas that work for wheelchairs and disability needs.
Often people tend to ‘stay in their own lane’ and not look into other fashion areas. If your trousers don’t work with your wheelchair then you can struggle. I ask, who else spends lots of time sitting down and are their trousers more comfortable? If so, let’s borrow them!” Disability Creativity: Co-opting Clothing for Accessibility – Grace Quantock + Part 2
“I suspect this is what fuels the self-help industry, and it’s why we get so attached to comforting beliefs. We want there to be far more absolutes than there are, and we don’t want to have to carry the weight of our choices alone.
Sometimes in looking for emotional back up, we give our power away—and oftentimes to people who know far less about what we need than we think. It’s an interesting thing about perceived experts: Our perceptions aren’t always accurate.” There Is No Expert on You – Tiny Buddha
“What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
Sometimes we find ourselves holding space for people while they hold space for others. In our situation, for example, Ann was holding space for us while we held space for Mom. Though I know nothing about her support system, I suspect that there are others holding space for Ann as she does this challenging and meaningful work. It’s virtually impossible to be a strong space holder unless we have others who will hold space for us. Even the strongest leaders, coaches, nurses, etc., need to know that there are some people with whom they can be vulnerable and weak without fear of being judged.
In my own roles as teacher, facilitator, coach, mother, wife, and friend, etc., I do my best to hold space for other people in the same way that Ann modeled it for me and my siblings. It’s not always easy, because I have a very human tendency to want to fix people, give them advice, or judge them for not being further along the path than they are, but I keep trying because I know that it’s important. At the same time, there are people in my life that I trust to hold space for me.” What it means to “hold space” for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well – Heather Plett
“Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.” The Spoon Theory – But You Don’t Look Sick
“Restorative postures, which are often supported by blocks, blankets, bolsters and other props, are designed to maximize comfort and allow the practitioner to fully let go; this is why they are held for longer periods of time than most other poses – 5 to 20 minutes. The head is near or below the level of the heart, which helps stimulate reflexes that quiet the brain and heart. These poses may look like nothing, and that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do while you’re in them. But that doesn’t mean nothing is happening! Give yourself 5-20 minutes in each pose, and be mindful of how you feel before and after. For many people, these poses are more effective for stress relief and body renewal than sleep. Not that you’d want to replace your solid 8 hours with them, but if you’re hankering for a nap, try one or two of these poses for 5-20 minutes each and see how you feel. If you fall asleep in one of these poses, though, don’t worry. Many people do! Best nap ever.” Restorative Yoga for Stress Relief – Autoimmune Paleo
“The findings from these studies might mean that L-lysine plays a significant role in lowering anxiety levels in those known to have a deficiency of the amino acid, or in those who are just suspected to have a low dietary intake of it. The findings also indicate that the amino acid is effective at eliminating stress-induced anxiety and trait anxiety.” L-Lysine and Anxiety – Love to Know
“Growing evidence of the brain-gut connection also lends support the hypothesis that when it comes to mental health, food matters. The idea that there might be a significant link between gut health and brain health — and that gut bacteria imbalances in a number of neurological conditions, including anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD and schizophrenia — has gained steam in the scientific community. A 2014 neuroscience symposium even called the investigation of gut microbes a “paradigm shift” in brain science.” Diet May Be As Important To Mental Health As It Is To Physical Health – Huffington Post
“Today, the internet abounds with fitspiration carrying messages of “more,” “harder,” and “I do it even though it hurts” sentiments. And while you may think you’re immune to those ‘harder equals better’ mantras, there still are an abundance of habits out there that aren’t as healthy as they may seem.
Exercise is not meant to break you. Exercise habits are not meant to suck other important aspects of your health dry. Exercising is not meant to be a numbing agent to things your body is telling you.
Exercise is just one part of a balanced Health Equation – and far too often a short-sightedness exists in the selections made in the ‘exercise’ category with regard to how they affect whole body health.” When “Healthy” Habits Aren’t – Whole9
“Your feet are one of the most structurally complex parts of your body – they contain about one quarter of all your muscles – but they’ve also been jammed into shoes and immobilized for pretty much your entire life. That is why your feet hurt. At a very high level, anyway!” Why do my feet hurt? The hammer toes edition. – Movement Revolution
“A leading sexologist in Denmark has called for pornography to be shown in the classroom, claiming that starting a debate about the industry could help teenagers become “conscientious and critical consumers” who are able to tell the difference between pornography and the reality of sexual relationships.” Porn belongs in the classroom, says Danish professor – The Guardian
“Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy.” When you’ve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. I may be tired. I may be in pain. I may be sicker than ever. Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!” I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.
Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for ten minutes, or an hour. It’s quite likely that doing that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I’ll need to recover. Imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn’t repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed or you can move. With this one it gets more confusing.
Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting up,” “walking,” “thinking,” “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what a fatigue-based illness does to you.
Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It’s quite possible (for me it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the kitchen. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!” If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I’ll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute. If this happens, please don’t take it personally.” Letter to Normals: Getting Others to See Your Symptoms – Fibromyalgia Network
“Hooray for technology! It makes everything better for everyone!! Right? Well, no. When a new technology, like ebooks or health trackers, is only available to some people, it has unintended consequences for all of us. Jon Gosier, a TED Fellow and tech investor, calls out the idea of “trickle-down techonomics,” and shares powerful examples of how new tech can make things actually worse if it’s not equally distributed. As he says, “the real innovation is in finding ways to include everyone.”” Jon Gosier: The problem with “trickle-down techonomics” – TED
“Do you know how many people the Bible says were raised from the dead on Easter weekend?
When Christian friends engage me in debate about the reliability of the Bible, I like to ask them that to see how well they know the book they so revere. One of the hallmarks of fundamentalism is the belief that the Bible can’t be wrong, and that has produced a plethora of problems for American society. But believing in a perfect Bible doesn’t always lead to actually knowing what the book says. So when I ask them this question, the answer I usually get is: “It says only one person was raised from the dead: Jesus.” But that’s not correct, and what happens next fascinates me.” The Greatest Story Never Told – Godless in Dixie
“The entire concept of “mommy wars” reduces the real and actual economic, social, and healthcare problems materially affecting the lives of women to a cat fight among irrational, silly females, thereby keeping us distracted from the ways we’re getting screwed while simultaneously reinforcing the patriarchy’s dismissal of our claims.” The fight is real, but mommy wars are not – renegade mothering
“In the context of call-out culture, it is easy to forget that the individual we are calling out is a human being, and that different human beings in different social locations will be receptive to different strategies for learning and growing. For instance, most call-outs I have witnessed immediately render anyone who has committed a perceived wrong as an outsider to the community. One action becomes a reason to pass judgment on someone’s entire being, as if there is no difference between a community member or friend and a random stranger walking down the street (who is of course also someone’s friend). Call-out culture can end up mirroring what the prison industrial complex teaches us about crime and punishment: to banish and dispose of individuals rather than to engage with them as people with complicated stories and histories.” A Note on Call-Out Culture – Briarpatch Magazine
“Decades-old documents have surfaced showing that the powerful U.S. sugar industry skewed the government’s medical research on dental care—and ultimately what officials recommended for American diets.
Despite a widespread understanding that sugar played a key role in tooth decay, sugar industry leaders advocated for policies that did not recommend people eat less sugar, according to an archive of industry letters dating back to the 1950s preserved by the University of Illinois and analyzed by a team of researchers at the University of California in San Francisco. And the government listened, according to a new report published in the journal PLOS Medicine.” The untold story of how the sugar industry shaped key government research about your teeth – Washington Post
“If only our lives were more predictable and certain, we’d feel a greater sense of security and safety. Yet, much of what happens to us is beyond our ability to control. This is because everything is constantly changing. Impermanence is a universal law, and uncertainty is one of its corollaries. No one is immune from life’s uncertainty—the rich, the poor, the healthy, the sick. But for the chronically ill—which includes those who suffer from chronic pain—it can feel as if uncertainty permeates everything we do.” How Chronic Pain and Illness Fan the Flames of Uncertainty – Psychology Today
“Everybody knows that most women go a little crazy right before they get their period, that their reproductive hormones cause their emotions to fluctuate wildly. Except: There’s very little scientific consensus about premenstrual syndrome. Says psychologist Robyn Stein DeLuca, science doesn’t agree on the definition, cause, treatment or even existence of PMS. She explores what we know and don’t know about it — and why the popular myth has persisted.” Robyn Stein DeLuca: The good news about PMS – TED
“Deciding to ask for help is tantamount to admitting weakness, and if there’s one thing that men are taught over and over again, it’s that Real Men Handle Their Own Shit. Even when we have example after example of fictional tough-guys and bad-asses being willing to open up, admit their fucked-upped-ness and recognize that they need help, there’s still this stigma against saying that you can’t do it alone. We’re supposed to let it all slide off of us as though it doesn’t matter. We minimize the problem because who wants to admit that they’re upset because they’re single? That they can’t “handle some people being mean to them?” Or that they can’t shake this feeling of emptiness or hopelessness or despair?” When It’s Time to Ask for Help – Dr NerdLove
“Probably. That’s all doubtless part of it. But, having gone through what felt like a strangely ritualistic enactment of a statistic I haven’t wanted to believe, I am filled more with questions about the larger implications of men not reading fiction by women than about the causes. If you think that because I’m female what I have to say in my novel won’t interest you, what about the things I say when I am talking to you about the research project in which we’re both engaged? About the funding needed for the public school system? How about when I am arguing a case in court? Filing an insurance claim?
Is it credible that fiction occupies a unique place? Credible that men who dismiss what female storytellers have to say as irrelevant to them, aren’t also inclined to dismiss – albeit unconsciously – what females of every variety have to say? To think it somehow less relevant than what the other men say? Is it credible that this often unexamined aversion is a special case of some kind? A glitch?” Guest Blogger Robin Black: On Learning To Spell Women’s Names While Men Buy My New Book For Their Wives – Read Her Like an Open Book
“When the going gets rough, I often speak to myself silently or softly, using words of compassion to help me feel better. If I feel let down by a friend, I might repeat silently, “I feel hurt by her behavior but I mustn’t blame myself.” If I’m sad about having to miss a gathering, I might whisper soothingly to myself, “It’s hard not to be there when I want so badly to visit with everyone.” When I don’t deny that I feel bad, and even acknowledge it in a self-compassionate way, I’m better able to cope with disappointment and sorrow.” How to Talk to Yourself – Psychology Today
“I had been inducted, apparently, into the growing army of American adults living in chronic pain. I discovered that there are 100 million of us, according to the Institute of Medicine. That was surprise No. 1. Surprise No. 2 was that most of us are women. Nobody really knows why.
There are cultural factors, to be sure. Women are “allowed” to be emotional about their pain, and men often aren’t, so perhaps women’s pain gets noticed more. There are complicated hormonal factors too. There are research biases at work as well, including the absurd fact that most basic neuroscience work on pain pathways is done not only in rats but in male rats. Go figure.
What is clear is that women and men can react so differently to both pain and pain medications that, as the McGill University pain geneticist Jeffrey Mogil only half-jokingly puts it, we may someday have pink pills for women and blue pills for men.” Why Millions of Women Are Living in Chronic Pain – Wall Street Journal
“What we’re looking at here is more than inertia really. It’s not just about getting moving but about the extra effort and patience to overcome negative physiological as well as behavioral patterns. If we can understand that there will likely be a lag time between our mental decisions and our bodies’ progress we’ll be more apt to have patience with our own process. Likewise, we’ll know to front load that process with effort, support and other motivation-boosters. We can create a series of lower threshold goals along the way and choose to value quicker advances and small wins even if they’re not the big results we’re really gunning for. (Those will come, too.)
The tipping point in behavior change, it appears, isn’t scare tactics or additional justification but simple accessibility. Making your process more accessible – easier, clearer, more blatantly simple to follow – can be the best strategy to begin.
Knowing the behavioral and physiological trends in addition to the essential knowing yourself – what cues you’re likely to respond to – will help you establish the routines that will be most effective in your daily life. With time, you brain and body will catch up with your intentions, and you’ll be working with the added bonus of momentum on your new Primal track.” How to Overcome Inertia and Get Yourself Unstuck – Mark’s Daily Apple