“I can understand why Christians might cling to the idea that the person was never really a believer. It can be frightening to see someone who, from all outside appearances, has the same faith that you do. It can be unnerving to realize that faith can be stripped away. Often it is easier to believe that they were never really believers in the first place than to believe that a loss of faith is possible.” The Christian Guide to Atheists: Never Really a Christian – Alise… Write
“They have to admit they were part of the problem, and that they either fought hard to take away civil rights from LGBT people or (in the case of silent Christians) prevent them from getting those rights in the first place, and that they gave money to churches that were openly and proudly intolerant of homosexuality, and that they stayed silent when we needed their voices the most, and that they held on to their homophobia because their religion taught them to do so.” Is It Okay for Christians to Support Marriage Equality Long After the Rest of Us? – Friendly Atheist
“The moment I emerged from my mother’s womb, however, my possibilities dwarfed those of my siblings, for I was a boy! And my brainy, personable, and good-looking siblings were not. My parents would love us equally, and our teachers would give us similar grades. But at every turn my sisters would be told — more through signals than words — that success for them would be “marrying well.” I was meanwhile hearing that the world’s opportunities were there for me to seize.
So my floor became my sisters’ ceiling — and nobody thought much about ripping up that pattern until a few decades ago. Now, thank heavens, the structural barriers for women are falling.” Warren Buffet is bullish… on women – CNN
“As a feminist, I had never thought of boys or men as oppressed until the experience of raising one. Having a boy has given me the opportunity to see the ways that boys are restricted, the ways that fear and shame diminish them from the earliest age. The fear is that of being seen as girl-like, the shame is that of not meeting up to the standards of the “real boy.” William Pollack, Ph.D., calls this “The Boy Code”—a set of “should be’s” about boys. Boys should be the “sturdy oak”—independent, strong; they should “give ‘em hell” a la John Wayne; they should be “the big wheel”—always dominant and powerful; there should be “no sissy stuff” meaning real human feelings. Except for anger, which we tend to see as the only masculine emotion.” On Making the World a Safer Place to be a Boy – Role / Reboot
“Comments like this make me—owner of not one but two copies of “The Omnivore’s Dilemma”—want to smack Pollan and the rest upside the head with a spatula. Claiming that feminism killed home cooking is not just shaming, it’s wildly inaccurate from a historical standpoint.
As should be obvious to anyone who’s peeked at a cookbook from the late 1940s or early 1950s that promotes ingredients like sliced hot dogs and canned tomato soup, we’ve been eating processed crap since long before feminism. Yet the idea of the feminist abandoning her children to TV dinners while she rushes off to a consciousness-raising group is unshakable.” Is Michael Pollan a sexist pig? – Salon
“If we are not uncaring monsters, then we might have a point to be listened to. If we do care deeply for the welfare of infants, then there must be a genuine reason why we support abortion rights. If it is possible to respect life and also the right to access abortion? Then they might be wrong.” Anti-Choicers: Why Do They Demonise Us? TW! – Consider the Tea Cosy
“Whenever I express my frustration about this, someone invariably tells me, “But he was just trying to be friendly/strike up a conversation/learn more about the subject.” Stop. What you are telling me is that the fact that a man wants to talk to is more important (and should therefore be given more consideration) than the fact that I want to be left alone. I should dig deeper and find the good intentions behind why this man interrupted me. I should give this man the benefit of a doubt and take the fact that he bothered me as a compliment. The desires of a stranger are more important than mine.” See a Woman Reading? Leave Her Alone. – Gender Focus
“Large public acts of terrorism are very public displays of masculinity, making a statement in the biggest way possible,” says Abby Ferber, a sociologist at the University of Colorado who has studied white supremacist groups and masculinity. In her work, she said, she often encountered a “vulnerability to their sense of masculinity whether it’s their relationship with their father, their culture. And there are a limited number of ways in the culture to show your masculinity.” In the absence of the traditional forms of masculinity — including financial or social power — “you’re more likely to see extreme means. They’re showing that they’re real men, man enough to do something like this.” Why are terrorists so often men? – Salon
“A new film about the prejudice of colorism has backing from an unusual source: the cosmetics and personal-care products giant Procter & Gamble. Why is that unusual? Because Procter & Gamble, when it’s not backing films that aim to inspire audiences with the message that black skin is beautiful, sells skin-lightening creams to people of color all over the world.” P&G Backs “Black is Beautiful” Doc, Sells Skin-Lightening Cream – Jezebel
“But like many people — Americans, in particular, I’d argue — I feel conflicted about the less-is-more message. Yes, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by my possessions and I need to declutter, but I also like to have a lot of stuff around. I like options. One pair of high quality black leather shoes may make logical sense, but then how about the cheaper black leather shoes you can wear in the rain? “ The Quantity vs. Quality Clothing Conundrum – male pattern boldness
“But to me, there’s a power in saying, “I don’t give a shit” that I don’t feel when I say, “I don’t care” or “I’m releasing all attachment to so-and-so’s opinion of me.” When I say I don’t give a shit, there’s a power, a forcefulness, and a rebellious quality that I love.”The Deep Spiritual Practice of Not Giving a Shit – Everyday Feminism
This feeling, of not quite belonging anywhere is definitely not unique to Moaveni. It is something often described by other young people, the children of immigrants, who grow up in one places, but whose families’ hearts have often been left behind in the home country. Just because it has been done before, doesn’t mean her story isn’t worth telling, and she does offer a unique glimpse into the life of an – admittedly upper-middle class – Iranian woman, both in America and in Iran.
What I wanted, though I chose not to admit it to myself, was to figure out my relationship to this other country, to Iran. Originating from a troubled country, but growing up outside it, came with many complications. Worst of all, at least on a personal level, was that you grew up assuming everything about you was related to that place, but you never got to test that out, since the place was unstable and sort of dangerous, and you never actually went there. You spent a lot of time watching movies about the place, crying in dark theaters, and feeling sad for your poor country. Most of that time, you were actually feeling sorry for yourself, but since your country was legitimately in serious trouble,, you didn’t realize it. And since it was so much easier and romantic to lament a distant place than the day-to-day crappy messes of your own life, it could take a very long time to figure it all out.
If you’re interested in Iran, in women, in the life of a -American Lipstick Jihad is well worth reading.
But for me the tiniest misstep to the left or right of propriety was swiftly catalogued as “Westernized” misbehavior. Even Khanoum Shabazy, whom he either ignored, laughed at, or bullied, adored him, yet considered me – the one who actually listened to her woes – a misfit, uninterested in anything that mattered (cooking, china, dinner parties . I realized that in Ian, just as in California with my mother, “Westernized” was a convenient label for any female behavior that defied oppressive tradition. It could and it was attached as easily to an Iranian woman who had never left Iran, as it was to me, raised outside. But men were like Teflon; the Westernized label did not stick. The other names for their conduct – hypocritical, womanizing, temperamental, fickle, bossy, headstrong – were still organically Iranian. The culture made room for their transgressions.
“Baba, are they beating these people because they’re not husband and wife?” asked the little boy in the car, as he gazed out the car window, transfixed.
“No, baba jaan, it’s because the police are afraid of them,” replied his father. He did not explain, and the little boy went quiet.
“How many partners do you have? Just one? How boring. Polyamory – loving multiple people – is a growing moment with its own set of rules. Zoe Stavri charts her journey from romantic exclusivity to five-in-a-bed romps” The perks of polyamory – ES MAgazine
“That last one is why the modesty/purity culture can be so incredibly damaging. Many girls and women I’ve talked to have it so deeply ingrained into them that it’s virtually inescapable. When it comes between choosing what’s worse– staying in abusive relationship, or facing the “reality” that you’ve “surrendered your purity,” guess which one we choose?” roses – how the purity culture taught me to be abused – No Longer Quivering
“The same holds for atheists. They don’t hate God because they don’t believe that God exists. When we as Christians make the mistake of saying that they hate God, we are ignoring the nuance of the discussion. We are ascribing belief where none exists. And perhaps more damaging, we are ignoring some of the places where we might be contributing to the frustration and anger that some atheists are experiencing. If we do go by the title of Christians, we must acknowledge that we are the example of God to those that we meet – including atheists. And maybe, just maybe the problems lies not with God, but with us.” The Christian Guide to Atheists: Atheists Hate God – Alice Write
“White privilege is knowing that if the bomber turns out to be white, he or she will be viewed as an exception to an otherwise non-white rule, an aberration, an anomaly, and that he or she will be able to join the ranks of pantheon of white people who engage in (or have plotted) politically motivated violence meant to terrorize — and specifically to kill — but whose actions result in the assumption of absolutelynothing about white people generally, or white Christians in particular.” Terrorism and the Privilege: Understanding the Power of Whiteness – Tim Wise
“The Mars/Venus view describes a world that does not exist, at least here on earth. Our work shows that sex does not define qualitatively distinct categories of psychological characteristics. We need to look at individuals as individuals.” The Tangle of the Sexes – NY Times
“While borrowing lines from Hamlet to describe panties may seem like a stretch no elastic waistband should endure, Ms. Parker’s witty remark raises many questions concerning what we choose to put on underneath our clothes. It’s a simple decision that arises daily for both men and women, often thought to be mandatory and thoughtless, but is it? For myself (and I hope I am not alone in this one) countless daydreams are filled with visions of me slipping in and out of lingerie; of waking to the early sunlight in my darling (but too rarely worn) vintage babydoll slip. I wish for the moment when passion stops to observe the way silk skims a nipple. But more often than not, these moments are either lost or pass within a flick of the light switch. So why do we invest so much of our time and money on a moment so brief?” Under Where? Worn Fashion Journal
“My makeup represents to me control. I can’t stop people from looking at me—but I can absolutely control what they see when they look at me. My makeup is a way to self-create. As time has gone by, I’ve become less interested in “natural” makeup, instead going for dramatic looks with bright colors and intense lips. Sometimes, I do use more mattes and neutrals, but even then, the the entire thing is a construct. You don’t see my face—you see the face I want you to see.” The Face of Make-Up – Feministe
“Try to remember that if you feel something, it is valid. Just the fact that you’re feeling it makes it so. People get jealous, insecure, and intimidated all the time! ALL THE TIME, I say! It’s completely natural! To shame people for feeling those things doesn’t make them any easier to cope with, and is often just a way for certain advice-givers to make themselves feel superior. I feel jealous myself, and although I try to identify the root of the emotion (which is often related to my own fears and insecurities), I don’t beat myself up for it. Try to give yourself some space and forgiveness around these feelings because loading shame on top of everything else is just going to make it all feel insurmountable.” Suggestions for dealing with jealousy and insecurity – Already Pretty
“You can see this by the fact that when you get a woman in a position of high ranking status – like a politician or judge – it never stops mattering how she looks. We don’t care if she is the brightest, most ambitious, and most powerful lady in the land, whose career has NOTHING to do with how she looks – the conversation never totally leaves how she looks. And due to objectification she just can’t win even if she does fit the “picture of beauty”. Hillary Clinton is a professional and stoic? She’s a bitch. Sarah Palin is good looking and feminine? She’s a ditz.” Media Says: Not an Attractive Woman? Then You’re Worthless – The Love Vitamin
“What I had learned over the years is that sadness was a weakness and it was best to look poised rather than bruised or irritable.
Best to seem healthier or present a plastic version than to reveal the real, hurting version of myself.
Best to pick up and move on, throw myself into work, signal to the outside world an image of strength and charm.
But inside, I felt fried, blitzed, scattered.” What Does Being Emotionally Healthy Look Like? – Everyday Feminism
If Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard had still been alive, he would today, on the 5th of May 2013, have turned 200 years old. In honour of this anniversary I have decided to republish the following review from my old blog:
I’ve been reading a book with excerpts from one of the most famous Danish philosophers Søren Kierkegaard‘s most known book “Either/Or” (Enten-Eller in Danish). The original book was published in 2 parts, for a total of 700 pages, and it is known for being rather incoherent (in that he develops several different ideas in the book, and not necessarily in an easy to understand order).
Kierkegaard has been called a philosopher, a theologist and the father of existentialism - both in its theist and atheist versions, as well as a poet, literary critic, humourist, psychologist and a social critic. Incidentally, he was very critical of the work of contemporary Hans Christian Andersen (the fairy tale writer, and probably the only Danish writer more world famous than Kierkegaard).
Quotes by Kierkegaard have long made him one of my favourite philosophers, here’s just a short selection:
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.
Don’t forget to love yourself.
During the first period of a man’s life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.
Once you label me you negate me.
One can advise comfortably from a safe port.
Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.
There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.
To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.
And then the quote that rather sums up his work Either/Or: “I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations – one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it – you will regret both.”
Either/Or is one of Kierkegaard’s earliest works of some monument. In it, he is still greatly affected by his unresolved relationship to his father, which also to a great deal resembled his relationship with God. Furthermore, his views on love and marriage is greatly affected by his broken relationship to Regine Olsen. The couple is generally believed to have been in love, but he broke off the engagement, believing his melancholia made him unsuitable for marriage. She, however, remained a muse for his writings.
Although I cannot say that I agree with everything Kierkegaard wrote, in the excerpts I have read from Either/Or, I always enjoy reading thought-provoking philosophy. I think I’d like to read a full biography on Kierkegaard, to learn even more about this fascinating man, his ideas and his writings.
The book I read was published in 1995, but had elected to leave the writings as is. Danish has changed a lot since Either/Or was published almost 160 years ago, so it was a little challenging at times. As usual when reading a book in Danish, the translation of the quotes is done by me. His writings, in English, can be found here
“What is a poet? A miserable human, who hides huge troubles in his heart, but whose lips are made in such a way that the sigh and the scream, which flow out over them, sound like beautiful music. … And the humans gather around the poet and tell him: sing again soon, that is, if only new sufferings would torment your soul and if only the lips would continue to be shaped as previously; for the scream would only make us anxious, but the music is sweet.”
“In addition to my numerous social circle I have yet another intimate confidante – my melancholia; in the middle of my happiness, in the middle of my work he waves at me, calls me to his side, even as I remain physically present. My melancholia is the most faithful mistress I have ever know, what wonder is it then, that I love back.”
“Get married, you will regret it; do not get married, you will also regret it; get married or do not get married, you will regret both; whether you get married, or you do not get married. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, you will regret it; cry because of them, you will also regret it; laugh at the stupidities of the world or cry because of them, you will regret both; whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or cry because of them, you will regret both. Trust a girl, you will regret it; do not trust her, you will also regret it; trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret both; whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret both. Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, you will also regret it; hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both.”
“It is genuinely Greek that Philoctetes [one of the warriors, who were supposed to have gone to Troy, but had to stay on the island Tenedos, because he was bitten by a poisonous viper, and since his brothers in arms could not stand to listen to his screams, they left him there. After the gods had healed his wound, he later joined the war, in which he brought down the Troyan prince Paris] complains that there are no one who knows, how he suffers, it is a profound, human urge to want others, to know this; the reflecting pain, however, does not want this. It does not occur to Antigone [the daughter of Oedipus and Jocasta, his mother] to wish that someone should know of her pain, on the contrary she feels it in her relationship with her father, feels the justice, which lie in mourning, which is as aesthetically just, as it is to suffer the punishment when once has done wrong.”
“The exterior might then be the object of our observation, but not of our interest; thus the fisher is sitting his eyes fixed on the river, but the river does not interest him at all, but rather the movements at the bottom. The exterior therefore has some importance to us, but not as an expression of the interior, but as a telegraphic report that something is hiding deep inside.”
“The unhappy being is therefore absent. But one is absent, when one is either in the past or in the future.”
“Then receive our wishes, good wishes: we wish no one would understand you, but everyone envy you; we wish no friend would join you, we wish no girl would love you, we wish no secret sympathy will suspect your lonely pain, we wish no eye would understand your distant pain; we wish no ear would find your sighs! Or does your proud soul reject such sympathetic wishes, does it despise the relief, then we wish the girls would love you, we wish those who are pregnant in their fear would turn to you; we wish the mothers would set their hope to you; we wish the young ones would join you, we wish the men would build upon you; we wish the old man would reach for you as for a walking stick – we wish the whole world would believe you capable of making it happy. Then live well you the unhappiest! Although, what am I saying: the unhappiest, the happiest I should say, since this is exactly a present of happiness, which no one can give to themselves. Look the language breaks, and the thought is confused; since, who is the happiest without the unhappiest, and who is the unhappiest without the happiest, and what is life except madness, and faith except foolishness, and hope except postponing the inevitable, or love except vinegar in the wound.”
“It [marriage] matures the whole soul, as it at the same time gives one a feeling of importance, but also the weight of responsibility, which you can’t explain away, because you love.”
“In marriage you will not get anywhere with great passions; you cannot take anything up in advance, you cannot be loving one month with big gestures to make up for another time; here the rule is that every day has its own trouble, but also its own blessing.”
“In the case of Guantánamo, intervening to save or prolong a person’s life without trying to change the person’s reasons for wanting to die cannot be considered suicide prevention. Suicide prevention would involve intervening to change the person’s desire to die (despite his circumstances) or changing the situation that he feels is intolerable. From the news reports I have seen, those steps are both absent, and therefore the military’s force-feeding does not constitute suicide prevention.” Have You Ever Tried to Force-Feed a Captured Human? – James Hamblin – The Atlantic
“The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old on their bare skin. They describe whipping their own 4 month old daughter (p.9). They recommend whipping the bare skin of “every child” (p.2) for “Christians and non-Christians” (p.5) and for “every transgression” (p.1). Parents who don’t whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as indifferent, lazy, careless and neglectful (p.19) and are “creating a Nazi” (p.45).
On p.60 they recommend whipping babies who cannot sleep and are crying, and to never allow them “to get up.” On p.61 they recommend whipping a 12 month old girl for crying. On p.79 they recommend whipping a 7 month old for screaming.” Some Michael Pearl Quotes in Child Training – Love, Joy, Feminism
“I thought about this recently when I read a quote attributed to Ariel Levy:
“Attacking femaleness, deriding ‘girly’ stuff, rolling your eyes at ‘women’s issues’, declaring yourself a ‘tomboy’ who gets along better with men because women are silly or pretty or whatever – these are expressions of internalized sexism. If that’s the way you feel about your own sex, you’ll be doomed to feel inferior no matter what you achieve in life.”
This is scarily true. It doesn’t mean you should not be a tomboy, if that’s who you are. It doesn’t mean you need to start watching “Love, Actually” when Christmas time comes around and subscribe to People magazine if you are not interested. It doesn’t mean that, as a woman, you mustn’t do “manly” stuff or that “real” women have to do x, y, and z, but not a, b and c. There is no such thing as a “real” woman in the first place. Everyone, do whatever the hell you want! But, if you do or don’t do a certain thing just because being “girly” is associated with being shallow, unprofessional, profane, weak, unimportant, then you’re doing it wrong. Then you are being disloyal not only to other women, but first and foremost to yourself.” ‘Hell no, I’m Not One of THOSE Girls!’ or: The Battle with Internalized Sexism – delusions of equality
“I know, I know, I tell Bear, that we all exist on this level, regardless of whatever else is going on—the level of registering other people constantly based on basic visual information about their appearances. Their sex appeal. Their attractiveness. But it is not the only level, and we don’t have to limit ourselves to it, and what we say about other people, regularly, in public, can involve a little sensitivity. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. This is where the fine line between observation and prejudice resides. And I don’t want to have to play it cool. Maybe it’s better to admit that it hurts me, that is has an impact. Maybe it’s better to let myself be fully, inconveniently human. Maybe we’d all learn more if we all did that in front of each other.” the things men say about women in front of other women – Eat the Damn Cake
“Still, sensitive skin isn’t actually a niche: More people believe they have it than believe they don’t, with up to 60% of us reporting sensitive skin. But the term sensitive implies something different, a little special, a little unique—and who doesn’t want to believe there’s something unique about us (even if we’re actually in the majority)? And if it’s something that has a nice ring about it—something that allows us our human frailty but under the guise of having a medical-ish condition, one that’s not serious but that needs some tender care regardless—all the better. Much of the time women are told not to be so sensitive. If there’s an umbrella that allows us to be as sensitive as we damn well please, why wouldn’t we take it?” Why You Gotta Be So Sensitive? – The New Inquiry
“Earlier this month, news outlets announced another civil rights outrage: in Gaza, Hamas police have been detaining young men whose long hair does not fit with the group’s social aesthetic ideals, allegedly beating them and forcibly shaving their heads. Also under siege: narrow pants and hair gel.” Global Mode: “Hamas Shaves Heads” – Worn Through
“It is important that you know: I love you.
Of course I have no idea who you are.
But I have no real idea who I am either, so it seems fair to me.”
Forget Yourself by Redfern Jon Barrett is is a fascinating look into a dystopian future where people show up in a tiny world, naked and with no memories. How people shape and create societies, our often futile attempts to fit in, and the difficulties of not being mainstream, polygamy, wife classes, queerness and gender identity are just a few of the issues covered.
Although I felt the ending was a little disjointed, I really enjoyed the novel itself and devoured it in just a couple of days – greatly recommend it.
“I think it’s really sad that you can hate more than one person but not love more than one person.”
“Blondee, you’re interested in what you can get for yourself. You’re interested in how you perceive yourself, who you are, what you are. You’re interested in how others perceive you, in who they see you are, who they think you are. You’re not interested in talking: you’re not interested in thinking. You’re just trying to make an identity for yourself, trying to build a person out of the lump of flesh and hair which landed here. It’s exactly the same as all the others. There’s nothing left but you, because you’re trying to build a whole new person, and if that doesn’t take the whole of someone’s time, the whole of someone’s mind, then I don’t know what does.
“Of course everyone here needs an opinion on that, someone to test that experiment on. Someone to judge their achievement. So they get their little lovers and spend all their time impressing them. They try to impress them with this whole person they’ve built. But it’s pointless, neither is paying attention, neither is listening because really all they can hear is themselves. Each person trying to impress the other simply so they can impress themselves. Eventually it fails because no-one is really listening to anyone and they get angry, or frustrated, or bored, and the only time the other person then exists is as a nuisance they need to get rid of. And so they do. They get rid of each other and continue their experiment, searching for a whole new person to be a judge of it and start the whole fucking process over again.
“I don’t think anyone does, not really.”
“What else is there to say?” she asked.
“No-one does? No-one has any memories at all? But what about the book, what about -”
“And they’re memories, are they?”
“They’re memories of the outside, of the old world, how things were, of the world before.”
“They’re not memories.”
She sounded certain, spread before me as still as stone.
“Then what are they Burberry?”
“Inventions. Stories. Creations.” She was quiet for another moment. “I’m sure people think they’re real.”
“I hear you, Blondee. I hear you. I know what you want. You don’t just want to rebuild yourself like everyone else here. You want to rebuild everything, all we have, all by yourself. But you’ll destroy it first, there’s no other way. Do you know that? You’ll destroy it. I won’t let you. How could I let you? You’re destructive. We were wrong, so wrong to label you a minor. You’re the worst of anyone here.”
He paused for a moment to catch his breath. His voice softened.
“Blondee, I’m aware I’m angry at you. And you’re angry at me. Neither of us will listen – anger closes the ears. But you must pay attention to me: stop this. Stop this whole thing. What we have now is fragile, more fragile than you realise.”
“I don’t understand. Are you not happy?”
How would I know? Perhaps it’s different outside, perhaps it’s different in the real world. Perhaps it’s larger, it’s bigger and better, perhaps every heart-jump and belly flutter is a feeble tremor compared to reality. Am I not happy? How the fuck should I know?
“Michael Buble was wrong: Your soul mate shouldn’t be your everything. There is a pervasive idea that when we fall in love and choose someone to be our longterm partner that that person will be a tremendous lover, talk to with us about Tolstoy, take long walks on the beach with us, raise our children, manage our finances and have very long and serious discussions about the state of our soul. No pressure.” What Open Relationships Can Teach Us About Fidelity – Date Report
“Step 2: Repeat this until you believe it: Having great chemistry does not by itself make someone a good partner for you. People have to be kind, and considerate, and respect boundaries, and when it comes down to it, they have to choose you.” #465: Life after Darth – Captain Awkward
“Halfway through the new special, C.K. starts talking about how dating is an act of bravery for all involved. “The male courage, traditionally speaking, is that he decided to ask” a woman out. (Note the careful caveat, “traditionally speaking.”) And if the woman says yes, “that’s her courage.” That kind of courage, he says, is beyond his imagining. “How do women still go out with guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women.” A moment later he adds, speaking for all men, “You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.”” Louis C.K. feminism: Oh My God on HBO proves comic a feminist – Slate Magazine
“When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape. I won’t know for sure unless you start sexually assaulting me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.” Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced – Shapely Prose
“The emerging genre of memoirs about the suffering of women in Islamic states or cultures – which, in western publishing terms, may be described as “misery memoirs” – have been variously criticised for reinforcing “Orientalism”; that is to say, they support the west’s archaic and patronising attitude towards Middle Eastern, Asian and North African societies, rather than actually saying something important about the women in these societies themselves. But perhaps they are doing more than providing a prurient reading, as such a western label might suggest?” Misery memoirs: why is it different for Muslim women? – The Guardian
“And there are people who claim that women shouldn’t complain about street harassment, because it’s a form of flattery. Flattery my ass. Far from making me feel flattered, street harassment makes me feel afraid. Because a man who feels it is his right to yell at me, a complete stranger, and that if I ignore him when he does so then Iam the one treating him badly, is not a man I feel safe around. At all.” Street Harasssment Is Not Flattery – Love, Joy, Feminism
“The same principle is at work with street harassment. Very few of these men are actually under the impression that they’ll get to have sex with the random women they assault on the street. But what would their boys say if they just let a woman walk by without even trying? You can imagine the range of sexist and homophobic slurs that would fly. So they holler, they grab, they make primitive noises, and they ultimately fail. They’re likely to catch some heat for failing, too, so to disabuse themselves of any lost respect among their peers, they reestablish power/dominance by hurling insults and epithets. They can go back to the homies with confidence even after having come up short on the real prize.” Street harassment, masculinity, and impressing other dudes – Feministing
“But recent evidence in humans (and animals) has led me to reconsider my original position on BPA. In a commentary published in the journal Toxicological Sciences, Dr. Richard M. Sharpe, a leading global expert on male reproductive health, reviews several studies which suggest that BPA is an extremely weak estrogen at levels of exposure that humans are likely to experience in the real world. (1) In fact, even at levels 4,000 times higher than the maximum exposure of humans in the general population, there are “no discernible adverse effects”. (2) Studies conducted by other groups on oral exposure to BPA at doses obtained in everyday life have also failed to find any negative effects on reproductive health or sexual development. (3) Sharpe explains that much of the early research indicating harm from BPA was flawed because it used far larger doses than humans could ever reasonably be exposed to, or methods of delivery (i.e. injections or implants) that don’t reflect real-world routes of exposure.” Are Concerns About Bisphenol A (BPA) Overblown? – Chris Kresser
“The first problem is if you don’t trust yourself. That’s an important area to work with.
Your relationship with yourself is like your relationship with anyone else. If you have a friend who is constantly late and breaking his word, not showing up when he says he will, eventually you’ll stop trusting that friend. It’s like that with yourself, too. It’s hard to like someone you don’t trust, and it’s hard to like yourself if you don’t trust yourself.” A Guide to Practical Contentment – Zen Habits
“All communication styles can be abused by people who use them in bad faith, and it is good to consider others’ feelings and the consequences of your words before opening your mouth. But for over-thinkers, we tend to want to manage every part of every interaction and other people’s feelings about that interaction. By far the most common question I get is. “Person is violating my boundaries in the following terrible ways. How do I get them to stop without hurting their feelings?” And the answer is: You ask them to stop, and you let their feelings be their own. The flip side of this question is “How do I ask someone out in a way that guarantees that they will be happy about it and won’t reject me and things will never get awkward?” Again, the answer is: You ask them out, and you let their reactions to that be their own. Other people’s feelings are important, but they are not the total boss of you. To be so self-effacing that you think that asking people to stop interrupting you, or to stop crawling all over you at parties, or to hang out sometime constitutes you doing them some kind of emotional violence is a kind of egotism – you are giving yourself WAY too much power to control the future and other people.” #468 and #469: “Hey, knock it off”, or, Constructive Conflict, Continued – Captain Awkward
“In the end, people are going to continue to be angry about this piece. We’ll continue to call Dutton selfish (leaving her husband entirely out of the equation), and we’ll make sure to include the word “woman” as often as we can in our criticisms of her. Somewhere, though, I hope we can find the sensibility and the bravery to confront the fear and anxiety that gets triggered when women speak their truths.” I’m Grateful to the Woman Who Says She Regretted Having Kids – Role / Reboot
“The LGBT movement was never meant to be one person’s identity. Every relationship form and desire other than monogamous heterosexuality is, to one extent or another, marginalised in our society. And we are all minorities- individually, at least. We are an umbrella. We join with each other to provide solidarity, safety and community. To create a space where the norm is to be, yes, something other than cis, straight and mono.” We Are Not Your Afterthought: responding to LGBT Soup – Consider the Tea Cosy
“But it is fair to say that the research shows no significant disadvantage associated with being raised by lesbian mothers or gay fathers — not in academic performance, not in psychological health, not in social or sexual development, not in violent behavior or substance abuse. And the research leaves little doubt that stable, two-parent households (of whatever flavor) are likely to be better off financially, more attentive to the upbringing of children and more secure than single-parent households.” About the Children – NY Times
“The record on Thatcher and feminism, therefore, could not be clearer . Despite her pioneering leadership in the male-dominated world of politics, she did nothing to improve the lives of women . In fact she espoused the very ideology and values that entrenched disadvantage for women and a host of other historically marginalised people.” Iron Lady was a self-serving anti-feminist – Welcome to the IFN